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[blastedass]

« Great Explosion Murder God » 💥 Dynamight 💥 TEXT ✧ AUDIO ✧ VIDEO ✧ ACTION Katsuki Bakugou ✦ My Hero Academia
RESIDENCE ✦ Bakugou / Midoriya Residence
GEMBOND ✦ Ruby
"Katsuki Bakugo. Make it fast or hang the fuck up."

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Comments

[defendure]

You basically told me to go home and date someone else?? And that you weren't jealous at all!

[ As usual, Izuku finds Katsuki at least as much a roller coaster as Katsuki finds him to be.

Sometimes he's pretty sure they're speaking different languages even though it's demonstrably plain Japanese on both sides. ]

[blastedass]

No I fucking didn't! I asked if you thought someone would date you back home!

[Big difference! It was merely a curiosity, not a fucking command. Bakugou stares at him intently, frustrated, but not raging. So far. Emphatic though?]

I wanted to know whether you thought someone was waiting for you! Because I'm not going to remember this when I go back!

[No comment on the jealousy. Because it's no the first time Bakugou's lied about shit like that. Still, the comment about jealousy not being very... "good" here isn't untrue. Because of the gems and events, sometimes, there's no choice. And agreeing to be committed to one person is just asking for trouble when shit acts up. Jealousy. Doable? Happening? Hell yes. Smart? Nope!]

[defendure]

Wha - do you think someone's waiting for you?

[ More to the point, why is that even a consideration right now??

Is Katsuki thinking about dating someone back home or something? ]

[blastedass]

No.

[He frowns at the thought. Sure he has one or two friends, but no one obviously leaning towards asking him out. He's never been one for dating in the first place.

A hard sigh pumps from his mouth and he rubs the bridge of his nose.]

You seemed so damn happy to go on a date with me.

[Red eyes look at him from above his knuckles.]

I wanted to know if you thought you'd be that happy again after we go back home. Because I won't remember this to make you feel that way.

[defendure]

[ Neither of them will. Izuku's said he doesn't want to forget multiple times, and he knows exactly what it is he doesn't want to forget. The people he's met here and the things he's done - they matter, but the weight of the things he's done with and said to Katsuki matter more. It's the weight of their entire lives that drive them in harder. ]

I thought you wanted to go on a date with me because you wanted to go on a date with me. [ So...of course he was happy. It felt like getting picked out of the whole group to sleep over when they were kids but...entirely different. That doesn't sound like it was the actual reason at all though. Izuku rubs the back of his neck. ]

I don't know what I'll do when I get home. I don't know what anyone else will do, or how I'll react, but...you'll...still make me happy, won't you...? Because...all that aside, I can't help thinking you wanted to be friends again too. Or you wouldn't be bothering with any of this.

[blastedass]

[It's because they won't remember that he asked that question. Random, yeah, but if this is their first date and Izuku's positively elated, can he really be comfortable sending him back when he knows there's none of this waiting for him? Selfish, yeah, and Katsuki knows he'd blast Izuku through any fucking door that opened to their world if he had a fraction of a chance... but he's still human.]

I wouldn't have agreed to this if I didn't want to, dammit.

[Sure some of it might have been to appease Izuku's wheedling, but he knows Katsuki well enough to realize the blonde won't do something he's absolutely dead set against doing. He still doesn't understand how that question, ill-appropriate and strange as it was, could be so misconstrued that Izuku translated it as "screw this date" and worse. Granted Katsuki agreed with him, vocally, but some of it was a bit of a mild stumped over how to pull back around from the error. Agree to give himself more time to think or something?

He's still learning this too, you know.]

Ch. I'm not gonna get myself turned to swiss cheese over and then room with someone I hate.

[Katsuki frowns at him, miffed.]

Can you really not understand something that isn't bluntly told to your fucking face?

[Can't he just see that they're not... you know... enemies anymore?]

[defendure]

Back home. [ Izuku clarifies, gaze on the ground, a thoughtful frown on his lips. He knows it's true here and now, but...even though back home Katsuki would snarl and argue about it... ]

If you want to know if I'll ever be "this happy" there, the answer is yes because back home, that part of it will still end up being true. You can't forget about what we used to be either, even if you wanted to.

[ His gaze trails back up. ]

And that's what I've always wanted from you. Even when you were being a jerk.

[blastedass]

[While he wants to argue it, there's nothing to argue. He has no idea what will happen back home either. Is it impossible to think their development here could never happen back home? Is it impossible to think that at some point in time in the future, he'd be dating Izuku by the time they graduate from U.A.?

Katsuki knows his thoughts and feelings about the other boy back home. The guilt, regret, the growing urge to make amends, knowing that at some point... an apology would have to come. Even if it changed nothing between them. Kind of hoped it'd change nothing between them. Izuku probably wouldn't make a big deal out of it, knowing him. Well, probably cry. Cause he's Deku.]

We're never gonna go back to how we were as kids, Deku. We've experienced too much.

[Too much to ever be that innocent and naive again. Katsuki'd matured and been humbled over the things he couldn't do, Izuku'd hopefully learned he couldn't triumph everything by recklessly throwing himself at it. Their understanding of heroes (and villains) had changed because of all the ugly truths showing up as the villains dragged one thing out after another.]

We've grown up. But if you're still wondering if we can be friends again...

[Katsuki meets his eyes, still frowning, still a bit piqued, but still mostly solemn.]

Can you still not understand my feelings?

[defendure]

Can you not understand mine?

[ He doesn't expect or anticipate an apology. Hasn't even asked for one for the other night and won't do so; he's never asked Katsuki for any kind of apology.

What it is Katsuki specifically wants out of him...probably he doesn't really understand it. But things had been getting better at home, and what he wanted hadn't changed. ]

This isn't working. Hang on.

[ He tilts his head back, rolling his neck as he tries to rewind a little bit.

Best way to do this is probably point by point without adding too much at a time, because he's half certain each of them is putting more importance on different pieces of the conversation here and it's making them misunderstand the whole. ]

Kacchan, I have never once wanted to go back to exactly how we were as kids. [ There. A basic building block. ] I think you have this idea in your head that I want to have that exact friendship, but I don't. Wanting to be friends again has never meant I wanted everything that we used to be - you sucked back then a lot of the time.

[blastedass]

Can you not understand mine?

[ He doesn't expect or anticipate an apology. Hasn't even asked for one for the other night and won't do so; he's never asked Katsuki for any kind of apology. What it is Katsuki specifically wants out of him... probably he doesn't really understand it. But things had been getting better at home, and what he wanted hadn't changed. ]

This isn't working. Hang on.

[ He tilts his head back, rolling his neck as he tries to rewind a little bit. Best way to do this is probably point by point without adding too much at a time, because he's half certain each of them is putting more importance on different pieces of the conversation here and it's making them misunderstand the whole. ]

Kacchan, I have never once wanted to go back to exactly how we were as kids. [ There. A basic building block. ] I think you have this idea in your head that I want to have that exact friendship, but I don't. Wanting to be friends again has never meant I wanted everything that we used to be - you sucked back then a lot of the time.



[He understands most of those feelings. But he hasn't cared about them for a long time. There's plenty about Izuku he'll never get, but those aren't the feelings they're talking about now.

Between the idolization and Izuku's desire to be both close to Katsuki once more and surpass him, he knows what he wants. On the surface, Izuku's not a complex person to get. He's willing to sweep everything under the rug and go forward as if nothing had ever happened. Katsuki knows he won't be able to force him to demand reparations or even an apology. It bothers him, yet it's pointless to while on it.

But getting that sort of acceptance bothers him because it does nothing to erase the guilt and regret. He's helped Izuku during training because that's an action he can take to chip away at his own atonement. Actions are far stronger than words because they prove things. Words are just that... words.]

In your opinion...

[It's a grumbled mutter because he knows it's true. Hell, plenty of their classmates would tell him the same thing. Have told him the same. He was different, better, than he had been at the start of the year, but still remained the same in several areas. Frowning some, he heaves a breath and looks off to the side.]

So are you going to be able to date me as I am?

[defendure]

That...I don't know why that's even a question.

[ Feels a little off-kilter, but strings it together with another thing Katsuki said, uncertain and more than a little baffled. ]

Are you - worried? Do you not think you're... [ This feels so dumb to say, he's dead sure he's wrong, but he doesn't get why Katsuki's even asking. ] ...not enough as you are?

[ ???? ]

wow, totally included your tag above mine up there. hooray for attention to detail!

[blastedass]

Because earlier you said this wasn't---shouldn't be---a date.

[Which Katsuki agreed to, though he's changed his mind after thinking over the crash and burn moment. Fact is, he agreed to go on a date. And not... not an "just as friends" date. It was a date date thing and that's what's supposed to happen.

But here they are, talking about their issues and there are plenty of reasons to suggest the two of them obviously shouldn't try.]

happens to all of us really

[defendure]

Because I - I thought you didn't want it to be. And that I just misread it.

[ Not just because Katsuki agreed, but... ]

You were talking about me dating someone else, and it felt like - these people would want to date you, not me, and then you said you weren't jealous and I wasn't allowed to be, and it really seemed like I just...got it wrong. That you were telling me I got it wrong.

if you c/p the other person's tag into your tag to work off it yeah... haha

[blastedass]

I asked--

[Katsuki cuts off his snap and reigns in the incredulous glare. Leave it to Izuku to take "which of our classmates do you think would date you?" into a personal attack on his own self-perceived undateableness. This kid has ZERO self-esteem whatsoever!

He's... just going to fucking trash that topic.]

Can we just fucking forget all of that and start over?

[There's no way to explain themselves without getting into word choice and assumptions and it'll be a huge fucking mess he doesn't want to deal with.]

It was a shit question.

i've done that once i think

[defendure]

[ Look, he has about a teacup of self esteem and most of it goes towards hero work, not dating.

It was a bad question to ask someone on a date, he can at least agree with that. ]

So we're both jealous even if we're not allowed to be.

[ However, he's going backwards to something else instead of forgetting. ]

it's my habit ~ le sigh

[blastedass]

[... dekuteacup.

Granted, Katsuki still asked the question out of some stupid sense of concern, but is quickly regretting the question and locking down a lot more possible attempts at extending emotion-backed questions. curt and simple. or just keep his silence. it's more preferable than this shit.]

Shit, I only meant that as an sarcastic example of why dating could be a problem here! I don't give a shit what those fuckers say we're allowed or not allowed to do!

[Did they HAVE to return to that topic?]

i just have the last two comments open in comment mode

[defendure]

[ Yes, because Izuku actually wanted to clarify...something. He's not sure. Maybe they really should just get over it and move on... ]

I don't mind you having sex with other people outside the house. That's...I don't get jealous about that much, it's the other stuff...I don't think it's a problem unless you want to date other people.

[ It's easy to understand how the gems compel certain things. He's felt it. ]

I um, I guess it's not really relevant right now.

that works too ~ btw, obvs no spoilers, but did you like the movie?

[blastedass]

[How can you not know what you want clarification on?! That defies the notion of asking for clarification!!]

I'm not gonna "date" other people.

[Emphasis vocally on the word.]

Though I'll probably be curious if I see you at a restaurant with someone else.

[For example. Which is one of the reasons why he's wary about actually dating Izuku because... well... they can go do stuff with other people, okay?! He doesn't have any right to demand Izuku see no one else. But dating can start to feel exclusive and that's a problem here!

Sex is probably the easiest thing to NOT get jealous over in this craphole. Ironic. But you're hardly ever going to accidentally stumble on your "date" screwing someone else.]

i absolutely loved it

[defendure]

That's normal, isn't it? I mean, I guess it might not be for you.

[ Izuku's giving Katsuki a purely puzzled look now. Going out to eat or whatever or hanging out with other people hadn't struck him as anything of an issue. He doesn't even know everything Katsuki does during the days and generally doesn't care - or he cares in the sense he's always interested if Katsuki actually tells him what he was up to, but he's never seen any reason to mind not knowing.

Katsuki spending time with other people usually is met with enthused acceptance - Izuku tends to think it's good for him and he's always excited about the concept of Katsuki making friends. Or...people he tolerates.

The things he does mind... ]

I don't care if you hang out with other people? You do it all the time, and I haven't told you not to, have I? Well I guess it's not all the time, you're kind of - you're not exactly a social butterfly...

[ Izuku's more social. He usually mentions when he's going out and gives way too many details if Katsuki shows even the slightest interest. ]

I just, um. I don't think dating means you only spend time with one person, Kacchan...

most excellent!

[blastedass]

Course it's fucking not.

[Usually he doesn't give a shit what other people do. That's their business. Now if it interferes with what plans he's had with one of those people, then yes they have a problem, but normally it's not something he cares about.

As for Izuku, since he's never dated before either, Katsuki's taking what he knows about Izuku's self-esteem issues and applying it to dating. If they do officially date, is Izuku so sure he's going to be able to see Katsuki out with someone else---particularly alone---and not find himself thinking Katsuki likes that person, or is interested in that person, more than him? He just took a question about his own date prospectives and basically turned it around to exclude himself from all fucking consideration!

There's a shift in perspective, he assumes, that comes from... well... dating someone else. Things are more emotional and more possessive. It can get messy. Right?]

Thanks for pointing that out, Deku.

[Katsuki's expression flattens. He's a social recluse. Furthest from a butterfly until he's dragged off by others in the class. Though there are some people he'll go out with here in Noctium.]

It doesn't. [Dating.] But your opinion on the other person changes when you date.

[Right?]

[defendure]

Um...how?

[ He's clearly missing some meta text explanations here, because Izuku doesn't quite get what Katsuki's getting at. He's trying, but... ]

[blastedass]

[THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN, HOW?!]

Fucking hell, seriously? You've NEVER been forced to watch some sappy chick flick with your mom?

[defendure]

I mean - yes, but...

[ He's getting more and more lost. They haven't even had their first date, they haven't said anything about their actual feelings that may or may not exist, but they're apparently discussing how dating would even work...

Izuku tries to organize it a little. ]

Why don't we just go about this the same way we talked about house rules? We told each other what we wanted from it and agreed or made changes based on what we felt like we could agree to, right? L-like, you said you didn't want anyone else living with us and I said okay but we made rules where they could stay in emergencies or on arrival for a bit. And I said I didn't want us sleeping with anyone else in the house and you said okay.

[ Maybe if they do it like that he'll at least know what the hell Katsuki wants from him. And vice versa. ]

So what do you want, and what aren't you okay with? Let's not label anything right this second, let's just...talk about where we're at right now.

[blastedass]

[The answer's "yes" so then how the fuck does he not know what dating turns into? Katsuki scowls at him, not even sure how to begin to go about explaining that and certainly not wanting to. Ultimately Izuku's the one to break the confused silence and he crosses his arms over his chest.]

Where we're at right now is a big fucking "I don't know; it's my first time". I don't even know if dating you is going to change a single thing?! We live together, we occasionally do things together...

[He gestures around them with one arm.]

What's the difference between this afternoon and previous ones? Asides from the fact we agreed to call it "a date"?

[He sounds exasperated, but at least it's general exasperation and not directed at Izuku.]

[defendure]

I...um...

[ Presumably, the fact they're sort of acknowledging they want to, but Izuku isn't sure the date can survive the accusation that Katsuki has feelings.

He's never dated anyone before either. ]

...I don't want you to go on dates with other people, either. You said you didn't want me going on dates. So don't you already know the difference, if you're okay with me going out to dinner if it isn't one?