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[blastedass]

« Great Explosion Murder God » 💥 Dynamight 💥 TEXT ✧ AUDIO ✧ VIDEO ✧ ACTION Katsuki Bakugou ✦ My Hero Academia
RESIDENCE ✦ Bakugou / Midoriya Residence
GEMBOND ✦ Ruby
"Katsuki Bakugo. Make it fast or hang the fuck up."

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[defendure]

[ Honestly, Izuku feels like he's being tested. Like if he says the wrong thing, Katsuki's going to ditch him or scoff or say something less than kind. It stresses him out, because he doesn't want to get it wrong, but...

He almost always does.

There's a right answer and he doesn't know it. Kastuki will never tell him what it is. ]

I, um, what if we go somewhere else? There's that cafe you really liked, it's never so busy it needs reservations. Or - or, we'll, I'm not actually really that hungry, so we could just go home, and you could have something there? I don't actually need to eat, we had that takoyaki earlier. I could make you something instead if you don't want to cook. I think I might prefer that? I mean, if you don't mind that it could be good.

[blastedass]

[Is this what a robber trapped in the corner looks like? Back and forth, back and forth, freaking out because there's no option to escape when there's a fucking door right there beside him. Katsuki watches Izuku with a mixture of... a lot of things. This is exasperating and pathetic. The guy's having a fucking psychotic breakdown all because someone asked him which restaurant he wanted to eat at.]

Look at yourself.

[Katsuki's voice isn't cruel or harsh, but it is firm and maybe even concerned.]

All I did is ask you which restaurant you liked and you're freaking the hell out.

[He lowers the phone, brows furrowed and eyes watching the other boy.]

You do everything possible to deny your own preference. Why the hell are you so scared to have a choice in something?

[defendure]

You -

[ There's an answer, but he doesn't exactly want to give it. Izuku looks away. ]

It's because you're the one asking.

[blastedass]

[There's an answer and Katsuki steps forward, closing the distance and leaning in so he can hear that mumbled response.]

Thought so.

[In the end, that's what it all comes down to. After everything, Izuku still idolizes him and fears him simultaneously.]

At least you're willing to say it.

[defendure]

You used to ask me things and - didn't react well when I chose.

[ Even right now, he's waiting for the backlash. ]

This just - feels like another test you rigged, even if it's...even if you don't mean it to be. I don't...I don't have a preference here and I can't tell if you do and I didn't expect to choose the meal because you said you'd handle it.

[blastedass]

I did handle it. Eliminated all the other options but two.

[Katsuki frowns at him again.]

When you picked the escape room, you still came to me and talked about what difficulty we should do, how many rounds we should do, separate or together, all that shit. You didn't decide everything all by your-fucking-self.

[Or did he forget that? The unspoken semi-sarcastic question. Katsuki blows out his breath and rubs the side of his head.]

You know you still have to order when you get there. I didn't pick your meal for you.

[defendure]

I never have you order for me, I just...

[ ...he's already doubting himself. Izuku tries to course correct. Katsuki focused on the part that matters and bringing up the past when they don't talk about it for a reason does no one any good; it's not relevant to Katsuki, and Izuku shouldn't mention it again.

He's...going to move on from it, trying to swallow it down and fix things. ]

I'm sorry. This is on me. You did everything right. The...the second one is fine.

[blastedass]

[And as normal, that only irritates Katsuki further. When he has the option to bring something up and the blonde dismisses it, instead of fighting back on it, Izuku wilts again and crumbles. Sometimes, he wonders how the other boy even managed to fight against him back in U.A. the times they did.

The 'sorry' would've been eye-rolling-ly acceptable, but the sudden garrulous offering nettles him.

Katsuki watches him for a few more seconds.]

I insulted your mom and you got mad enough to hang the fuck up on me.
Why don't you care about yourself enough to do the same for you?

[defendure]

Because the only outcome I actually want here is for you to have a good time.

[ It's different from situations where he actually wants something really specific. Or, well... ]

The only things I did have a preference for are things I wouldn't want to force after you said no because it would just...ruin them.

[ And he's been anxious about that part, and Katsuki was just giving him that blank stare that's straight out of some of his worst memories. ]

I don't...want to get rejected again.

[blastedass]

That so.

[Katsuki moves right into Izuku's space, reaches up, and lightly, but firmly, closes his hand around the other boy's neck. There's a soft "sizzle" as that tiny layer of cluster bursts, pop and spark on the faint layer of his palm, tingling Izuku's skin like he'd done a few times in the bedroom.

Red eyes bore into Izuku's green.]

So if my version of a good time was beating the shit out of your pathetic ass and leaving you in the lake, that's what you'd fucking want.

[defendure]

[ He swallows hard, but controls a flinch when it's just the level of the play he's used to in the bedroom. ]

No. [ Although actually, he does reach up to push Katsuki's arm
off, taking a step back. He's been trying to initiate physical contact off and on the whole date, but a threat wasn't what he wanted. ]

...I don't want you to touch me.

[blastedass]

[Katsuki doesn't resist the push, actually seems expectant of it, and lets his arm drop to his side.]

Heh. [He slips his hands in his pockets and backs off as well.] Good. Was starting to think you completely forgot how to defend yourself.

[Turning his back on him, Katsuki takes a step or two before stopping.]

I know what you mean about me. You're scared of hurting my feelings, scared that I'll abandon you again. But you also look up to me so much you can't stand to go against me because you want to be close again. So you sacrifice everything you can to ensure I'm satisfied so I'll stick around. If I always get my way, I won't have a reason to be angry with you and leave.

That it?

[defendure]

No... [ Parts of it are right, but...there's things missing, or things slightly wrong, and Izuku...doesn't like being called pathetic because he's not so sure Katsuki doesn't actually think that.

He doesn't usually say things he doesn't mean. ]

Cancel them both. I don't want to go to dinner.

[ He doesn't explain further what was right or wrong. A certain level of antagonism doesn't bother him, but still...

Being called pathetic and threatened on his first date is a foot over that line. Katsuki wants him to defend himself anyway, so it...doesn't really matter, because he'll get mad anyway but Izuku's really genuinely hurt by that. ]

[blastedass]

[Katsuki looks over his shoulder at him, eyes narrowed. If he doesn't like being called pathetic, then he shouldn't fucking act like that! Buckling and saying Katsuki "did everything right" after previously standing up to him is fucking insulting! Suggesting he's too god damn weak to handle someone telling him he's wrong or criticizing him. No, he hates being told he's wrong and he doesn't handle most criticism well. But! He listens to it. The fact Izuku doesn't fucking respect his strength enough to say such things to him, that he'd kowtow to him after all the strength he got from All Might and from training in his Quirk, professing to be his rival and surpass him only to continually bend over backwards to ensure Katsuki's feelings aren't hurt...

It fucking pisses him off! What kind of delicate weakling does he think he is?! How god damn stronger and better does Izuku think he is than him that he won't tell him off? Katsuki called Izuku pathetic, but hell if he doesn't get the feeling Izuku thinks he's pathetic already!

Granted, this time around Katsuki had used "pathetic" merely to try and prove his point, to egg Izuku into defending himself... but truthfully, in this particular area, he does think he's pathetic.]

So what. It takes you all the fucking way to this point to finally get you to stand up for yourself?

I have to fucking bully and threaten you just so you can finally admit to yourself you DO have a fucking preference!

Why the hell do I have to push you this fucking far for you to finally see your own god damn self-worth?

Why do you think you're nothing, Deku? And don't fucking say "cause you" on this one, because you never let me stomp you that far down. Ever!

So tell me! Why do you think Midoriya fucking Izuku is pathetic?!

[defendure]

[ He stares. For a few moments that's all he does, because Izuku's preference to not go only exists because Katsuki... ]

...I think it's pretty pathetic I tried to go on a date with you and thought it meant anything at all.

[ Right now. He really does. ]

You're...doing it again. And I don't know why I thought you wouldn't. This wasn't a date, okay? It's not - if you though I was worth anything you wouldn't treat me like this! Again!

[ With the bullying and the threatening and he...doesn't even usually mind.

But god, he can't even explain because Katsuki just ignores references to what happened in middle school sometimes and he doesn't understand the rest and -

He takes a deep breath. ]

I'm going to go and stay somewhere else for the night. The house is yours 'till tomorrow.

[blastedass]

[For all Izuku accuses Katsuki--and rightfully so--of dodging or ignoring issues, he's not exactly in much a place to stand on that accusation himself. Katsuki sets his teeth and jaws when his own questions and indications are likewise ignored and he curls his fingers into fists when Izuku decides things for him. Again. He says nothing about it, keeping his mouth shut and anger boiling inside.

This date did mean something to him. Still does. Whether Izuku cares to see it or not.]

Stop judging your fucking worth on me.

[The comment's growled and under his breath. Not even sure if Izuku can hear it due to their distance and Katsuki facing away from him. Truth is, he could value Izuku as if he were made of solid gold. But if Izuku believes himself to be shit iron, there's nothing Katsuki can do to change it.

Every time he brings it up, the topic's dodged and thrown right back with Izuku pointing at him. Self-worth doesn't fucking work like that! But apparently All Might's heir never got that message.

Katsuki turns around to face him, watching his breath, his words.]

Fine.

[He won't argue, won't yell or chase after him. He lets him go.]

Shit. So fucking lame...

[defendure]

[ The truth is, Izuku's biggest preference about the date was holding hands and things Katsuki rebuffed several times. And he definitely doesn't think the escape room and dining thing was the same, but he doesn't really want to argue about it because he doesn't want to be here being told he's pathetic while Katsuki admits to being mean to him on purpose.

It was pathetic to think he deserved a little bit more. Or at least it's pathetic that Katsuki didn't think he was worth it, but despite not thinking Izuku should have any of that he still yells at him over not thinking anything of himself and it's all...

He's crying like he's fourteen again and leaving, and he doesn't expect Kastuki to come after him or anything like that. He won't expect an apology later either, because those never happen between them unless they're from Izuku. And Katsuki doesn't think he's wrong - he never has, as far as Izuku knows. The only reason they keep talking is because Izuku keeps letting him get away with it.

He'll be able to put on a brave face later and ignore it like they ignore everything else to focus on the rest of it, but he can't do that tonight when he's still reeling about being hated so much, again, like always.

He really wishes they'd never corrected the initial misunderstanding, because it isn't a date he wants to remember, and he'd had certain (absurd) expectations for his first date he shouldn't have had. At least Katsuki doesn't ask for a score as Izuku leaves to figure something else out. ]