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[blastedass]

@Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight

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▶ OPEN SEASON (A of ♠)

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[blastedass]

[DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!!

WHO TAUGHT HIM THIS SHIT?!]

THAT'S BACKWARDS!

[loosestrifes]

( he can thank dabi for encouraging this )

💦🍆? That doesn't look right.

[blastedass]

[who else]

it's better than it coming out the back end!

[loosestrifes]

You'd rather it come IN the back end, right?

( get it??? )

[blastedass]

I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!!

[WOW!! NOT FAIR!!]

it's not even the right emoji for that!

[loosestrifes]

( he's so cute when he yells )

Hehe. ♥

What's the right one for that, then? Teach me.

[blastedass]

HELL NO! Use words like a normal person!

[don't call him cute. grrr!]

[loosestrifes]

So you like dirty talk? I'll have to remember that.

[blastedass]

I gagged you and I'll do it again.

[loosestrifes]

Is that a threat, or just a promise?

[blastedass]

a threat's just a violent promise, prince prick.

[loosestrifes]

Wow, that's almost a sexy thing you just said. Maybe if you didn't insist on calling me that sort of name... I don't go around calling you Mr. Exploder, you know?

[blastedass]

Maybe you shouldn't have been a prince prick when we first met.

[Cause you kinda were, Esikko. Albeit a relatively nice one.

And he's had worse nicknames. Blasty McSplode being crap.]

What else do people call you?

[loosestrifes]

I guess you're right. Sorry about that.

( A rare apology..... )

Too many people call me "little Prince", or Prince this or Prince that. That dog calls me Esi, or when he's angry, Honored Son. One person here calls me Ikko. The rest, I guess, call me insults or just Esikko.

You know, I'm not even a Prince anymore.

[blastedass]

[If it's any consolation, Bakugo's shifted his opinion of Esikko's a prick to Esikko knows how to be a prick when he wants. The nickname's mostly out of habit by now. Though if it really bothers him...

...maybe.]

You must've introduced yourself as one for a long if so many people call you "prince".

[loosestrifes]

When I first arrived here, I figured I should keep up the same sort of persona that I do at home, you know? A prince, kind and distant, attractive, controlled, that sort of thing? The things my Father would go on and on about me needing to be.

But then as time passed, I realized how poorly that worked when the people here would get to know me beyond just a passing glance. At that point, I can't really change how I introduce myself, though, can I?

( He sends that first, then pauses a little before sending a bit more. )

The excessive list of names I have, I didn't even have those from birth. It came partway through my Father's obsession with blending in with other Kingdoms. I was born as "Hwa Yi."

Look at that, an eggplant picture truly did spawn some conversation. Now you have trivia only one other person knows.

[blastedass]

[YOU TALK WAY TOO MUCH, DAMMIT!!]

Take it you don't keep that persona up anymore. First impressions are hard to break, but you can destroy them if you force people to see you in a different light often enough.

[They're not indestructible. And Esikko seems to have taken that lesson to heart.]

Huh. Chinese origin. Was "Esikko" something you picked yourself?

I won't tell anyone. That's your secret to give.

[He can guess the other person, but no, he'll keep the trivia in his chest.]

[loosestrifes]

( Should he go back to emojis?? Maybe his nickname needs to be tl;dr.

Also, close! But it's Korean. Not that he'd know, since they're not called as much in his fantasy land, but... )

It's just that I'm tired of it. I never wanted it in the first place. Why can't I act how I want, and say what I want and feel? But no one likes the real me, so I end up going back and forth, you know.

I don't know what that is, but no, I didn't choose anything. Esikko is the second name of that new name my father gave me, but it was the only one Kirma could say correctly when we first met, so it stuck... and I found convenience in only introducing myself with one name. Anssi is my first name, but it's got this stupid meaning, and I hate them all. It's like I have six names and none of them are even mine.

It's not some big secret or anything, you know. Not like that name means anything. I just felt like saying it.

[blastedass]

[He'd call him "Reset" if he wasn't disgusted with that power in the first place.]

Who the fuck's the real you?

[Throwing all the rest of that away. Not that he doesn't care, but... this more important.]

[loosestrifes]

I don't know. You've seen it more than most, haven't you?

Am I supposed to be able to answer that easily? "Pathetic?" "Weak?" But not in the cute, appealing way some others manage to be. I'm demanding, and I get angry easily, and I can act impulsively when I'm in a bad mood.

Everyone always acts as if I'm not aware of my own faults or something, but I am, you know.

[blastedass]

If you're aware of your faults and don't like them, work on changing them.
If you don't care, then anyone who's got a problem with you can fuck off.

But don't go around pretending to be someone you're not, then whine and complain when people find out who you really are.

[loosestrifes]

It's not that. If you were told from the moment you could comprehend words that you should behave a certain way and that anything else makes you worthless, wouldn't you try to keep it up?

But that's exhausting, you know? To continue on with false smiles and pleasantries all while thinking in the most analytical way possible how to use someone as thoroughly as you can, because that's all they'll do to you, too.

I'm frustrated because I've been told that I should simply "be myself," or "make friends," as if that would solve everything, but no matter how much I try to trust others, or to forget the times where things haven't worked out, I end up

( alone? betrayed? there's plenty of dramatic words he feels too stupid to type, especially worked up like he now is. it feels, again, like an issue of not being understood, and again, he doesn't know how to fix it. the problem is him, right? it must be, he knows this, but he doesn't know how to fix it, either. )

Nevermind. I was just trying to talk, you know. About anything.

[blastedass]

Urusei! You only get to make that excuse for so long, idiot. You're smart enough now to know what makes you worthless in your own eyes.

If you spend all your time thinking about how to use someone else, why the fuck do you think anyone's going to treat you otherwise? If you think someone's using you, confront them and dump them if it's true!

[ ...

...

... ]

You don't trust yourself, do you.

[loosestrifes]

Of course I don't. You wouldn't consider me reliable, would you?

Everyone uses me. At home, and here. For their status, or for cards, or to help with their suit, for their own ego, for a way to feel better about themselves, for finding a way home. What else am I supposed to do?

[blastedass]

Depends on what I'm relying on you for.

What the fuck?! How many of those things did you list where you CHOSE to interact with them?! Mutually helping someone isn't being used, dammit.

Unless every goddamn time someone's been with you, it's been non consensual in your mind!