[ it's something denji gathered from the small details from their conversation in the bathhouse and that shared memory. midoriya isn't just an old friend, he is someone who had a major influence on bakugou. in one way or another.
it gotta ... hurt a bit, right? even if they end up seeing each other again, bakugou might be feeling a bit off with the sudden departure. ]
[it's... a half truth. because he knows what's waiting for izuku back home. even if their worlds are paused, katsuki can't get over the feeling of being stuck here. worrying about his world, the people back there.
denji's right about izuku and how close he is to katsuki. he's only seen a glimpse of how the blonde used to treat the other boy. their relationship is infuriatingly complex, but...
yeah, it does hurt. though, what hurt more was the lack of interaction. the departure was almost a relief.]
[ denji is still clueless about what awaits the young heroes back home, but he knows bakugou wouldn't lie to him. if he truly feels some level of ease— then this might be the best scenario for deku. the half-devil will just have to keep an eye on him in the past few days and make sure his partner is coping well. be there for him if he needs it.
ah, fuck. why did bakugou pull an uno reverse card here? ]
i think aki dating tsuru made our friendship easier. if that make any sense? i feel we needed someone to keep the mood light and fun and silly, so ... yeah.
[ a pause. ]
but, in vegas, he did end up seeing memories of my life that i was hoping he would never find out about. so, that fucking sucked.
[some day he'll tell him. katsuki doesn't usually talk about what's waiting for him back home. it's a heavy burden and bringing it up only reminds him that he's trapped here, and not home there. but he's never going to lie to denji. having izuku return home is a good thing. it means he's not stuck in this place.
how katsuki copes with that will be... a mix of things.
and he plays the reverse uno because talking about his feelings is never easy. even with the people he's closest to.]
that makes sense.
[it's not a distraction in the negative sense, but a release that lets the pressure of friendship not build up too much. people need space, time alone, and a different lens to filter through. not sure about the light and silly part, but whatever. katsuki knows his classmates are dumbasses.]
[ regardless of how bakugou chooses to cope with it, denji will try his best to be there for him. will he be helpful? we'll have to wait and see. this is a new territory, after all.
yeah, it's not a distraction— it's good to have someone to keep them from sinking lower into misery and tsurumaru had that talent. it kept the flow of the conversation a lot easier between them and they had other topics to discuss aside from the utter fuckery that awaits them back home.
well, it's denji's turn to have some time to reflect on an answer. it is hard to talk about feelings, he agrees with bakugou on this one, but his reason might be different. ]
no. he knows what happened to him. i told him a week after we showed up in this city. it's ... the memories of what happened after he was no longer part of my life. i wanted to protect him from that.
[ further failures on denji's part to protect another person he cares about. it's never-ending, isn't it? he truly had no control, no power, no influence ... ]
[katsuki's never been one who's easy to help. he's stubborn, proud, and doesn't like people to think he's weak in any form. but denji's words and presence are a help even if the half-devil wonders if it is.
perhaps that same reason is why the blonde's more comfortable around his close circle of friends. they don't have to talk about what's going on back home, what waits for them, and can focus on something new and most-of-the-time more pleasant.
denji has all the time he wants as katsuki flops on his back and looks up at the ceiling. one of the perks of having the brain phone: hands free communication.]
that you had to move on without him or life keeps fucking with you?
the second part. it hurts him that he's not there to protect me ...
[ the hands-free communication is a blessing— especially in these types of conversations. it didn't mean denji's answers are coming out as fast as they usually are. it's a difficult topic. however, if he's expecting visibility from bakugou it's only fair he returns the favor. being a hypocrite will not help either of them to progress, so he has to suck it up.
unlike the other, denji's body is far too stiff and he ends up leaning back against the wall, finding a somewhat private corner along the street, seeking some relief under the shade. ]
it hurts me, too.
but, i didn't want him to know. i didn't want him to see me like that. i hoped he'd think i'm doing well. that i'm happy ...
[as frustrating as it is, aki shouldn't think it's his responsibility or need to be beside denji 24/7 all the time. that kind of thinking will only drive him further and further into despondency as each trouble denji faces equates to another failure on aki's part. a hero naturally feels that same kind of wrench when something fucks up and he or she wasn't there to stop it... but they can't be everywhere all at once.
katsuki's got the window to his room open and the bed stripped down to nothing but the top sheet with a plastic covering underneath. it's irritatingly-noisy, but it keeps the mattress from ending up a sweat-soaked mess while they figure out how to get the power stable again.]
[ it's a lot. in a way, he understands aki's feelings, and they both acknowledge they are struggling to cope with their cruel reality— they are trying their best to be better, to feel better; following the textbook. talk about it, cry your heart out, forgive, and then try to move on. they fucking did all of that. then why? why does it still feel so off?
he's quiet for a bit; expression going somber behind the flush from the mad heat, hair sticking to his sweat-drenched skin, yet he found himself in an odd trance that made him forget of physical discomfort. more silence, he then started walking down the narrow street again, idly seeking a nearby store or restaurant with a functioning cooling unit to recover. ]
do you agree? that sometimes the person shouldn't know? just to keep them happy?
[it's easy to say "he shouldn't" but far from easy to do. as much as katsuki tells his friends not to blame themselves for shit they didn't do or had no ability to stop, it's hard for him to practice what he preaches. he feels the weight of guilt and a desire to protect the people he's close to even if he knows he can't be everywhere and do everything he needs to.
it'll always feel off. just the same as a scar will always be present on the skin. wounds like that heal, but scars only fade with time, never disappearing. it's easy to forget that. katsuki reaches for a nearby water bottle.]
that's not a simple answer. lying to someone to keep them happy is bullshit.
but with this, it's between you and him.
if he asked you what happened after he died, it's up to you to tell him or not, but both of you need to be ready for whatever happens next.
i'm not talking about aki anymore. i'm asking you.
would you rather not know?
[ an honest question. denji could feel himself getting a bit nervous as he pushed through the crowd; he didn't predict a silly text of him whining over the heatwave to take such a turn and he wasn't prepared for any of this. his issue with aki is something he will have to handle since he chose to break the news to him about how it all ends between them— denji will have to deal with the consequences, there is no way out of it. it's too late.
however, he did confess to bakugou that they 'need to talk' on their last trip, and while he's not trying to seek a cheap escape— it wouldn't hurt to hear his partner's thoughts. ]
do you want to know everything about me? or, what we have here is all that matters?
huh? i learn more about you all the time! i don't want you to dump your life story on me in one go.
[there's nothing in denji's past that is going to break them up or turn katsuki off from him. there are things he might not agree with, things he won't like that happened, but none of that affects them here. nor does he want or need denji to extol him with everything in his life; things will come at their own pace and when they do, he'll ask and learn about them. sometimes prompted by events, sometimes his own curiosity.
so long as denji doesn't straight up lie to him there, it's a non-issue.]
when have you ever lied to me?
[technically keeping silent isn't lying, but... now katsuki's curious about what's going on.]
[ 'i don't want you to dump your life story on me in one go.' — ah, he was considering that option when he suggested that they talk about matters, but there is a sense of relief to be free of it. denji is no relationship expert, but he's pretty certain being honest with each other is one of the key pillars of a love courtship or something! he read that in a magazine ages ago, and it does make sense. if he could get bakugou to tell him everything about himself, his victories, fears, and learned lessons— denji wouldn't mind it. he would listen. he should know, right? it wouldn't feel nice if such intimate details were shared with someone else and not him.
he's not lying, yet it does feel a bit cowardly to seek refuge behind the golden opportunity here. the idea of confessing to murdering aki terrifies him; bakugou has proven himself to tolerate a lot from denji, yet he's certain there is a limit. there are matters worthy of sharing, concerns that would affect them here and right now. perhaps denji should focus on those. as a start. the rest is fated to rear its ugly head.
let him enjoy the other's company a little longer. ]
i never lied to you.
[ if bakugou asked, he would answer. truthfully. always will. ]
[don't take that the wrong way, denji. it's not said out of disinterest; it's said out of easing any onus the half-devil feels he has to give katsuki ever ounce of detail all at once. honesty is very important to the explosive hero (apart from when he's being a bratty grump in denial about "soft" things) and he doesn't think denji's lied to him before. not telling him something that isn't necessary for him to know isn't a lie either. the guy's past is dark with a lot of burdens neither of them want to try and juggle all at once. katsuki's not abut to tell denji his entire past either. half because he doesn't want to deal with the time/effort it'd take, half because there's shit in there he doesn't really want denji to know. his boyfriend saw some of it in that stupid memory earlier...
these things will come out in small moments, when conversation topic or life events and experiences prompt the comment or question regarding them. katsuki knows he'll tell denji more about himself in the future. the same way every relationship ends up learning more about the other side over time. without knowing what denji wants to tell him, he's left at the mercy of what the other boy holds back, as well as how the devil hunter opts to spin things.
katsuki's prepared to do battle with denji's doubts and guilt too.]
i know.
you mentioned it once. that's it.
[aki might have said to too, but the underlying aura of the conversation suggested that topic be avoided.]
[ no, he didn't take it as disinterest. he knows bakugou by now to understand what he is trying to say, and he wouldn't push on it if both sides are leaning towards a clear option: which is— take it one day at a time. was it the best approach? he didn't know. some matters felt rather pressing especially if you're sharing a bed with that person. in the end, denji will be truthful, he won't hold back or make excuses, even if he knows it might cost him losing someone he cares about so deeply. ]
makima is the control devil. she's from my world. aki and i were very close to her but we didn't know 'what' she was. i guess you can say we learned about it the hard way.
[ by now, he found a semi-private cafe; the place offered him some shade and a cool breeze. it helps to ease his thoughts and make them more clear even when he opts to take his time picking the words. ]
we're both uncomfortable. i can honestly say i'm even afraid of her, but i try my best not to show it. devils feed on fear, after all. i don't trust her. she's not as strong in this city, but i still don't trust her.
i guess i wanted you to know ... during the new year, i decided to make a contract with her. we agreed i'd protect her and in exchange, she won't hurt anyone in here. i plan to keep my part of the deal.
i just want you to remember that name and stay away from her. i'm not doubting your strength, it's not that, i'm simply asking you to do it for me. i don't want you to be friendly with someone like that. it would hurt me a lot ...
[he trusts denji to know when he's seriously intending to be angry or rude, and when he's simply being his curt self. but since he cares about his boyfriend (DUH) he occasionally makes a silent check. one day at a time is the best approach for this. it's rude to liken denji to an alley cat or something, but there are elements of that there. each interaction and experience that go beyond their normal current relationship level is handled one at a time. for both their comforts. if denji feels something is really pressing, katsuki wants him to know he can bring it up whenever he feels like it.
that said... denji drops a wall of text on him and the blonde's both surprised and not that surprised to read it. give him a minute or so to process it before responding.]
as long as she doesn't give me a reason to rip her face off, i won't.
[even though it irks him that someone going by the title of "control devil" would be running around messing with people. a lot of what he assumes of denji and aki's background suddenly gets this name thrown in there and probably makes a big mess, but it's enough katsuki's accepting the warning.]
why did you make a contract? LILITH can fuck people up if they start infighting.
[he's... not happy to hear that denji has a contract with someone who scares him.]
i don't know LILITH. i only know makima and what she can do.
in the end, i don't care if she comes for me. the contract is an agreement between us not to get others involved. i don't want people dying because of me ...
[ he didn't want to spend his days in this neon city living in fear and stressing over who she would target next, it felt best to make a deal with the devil instead. even if that involved him being civil with makima, exchanging small talk, following up, and maintaining some form of contact— denji will do it. it started out of fear of aki getting hurt again, then progressed to the half-devil growing fond of his everlight teammates and then, of course, bakugou. he will fucking lose his mind if anyone touches a single hair of his boyfriend.
so there are no regrets about making that deal. none. ]
nothing weird happened so far. i guess it's working ...
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
blastedass
no subject
Date: 7/11/24 15:39 (UTC)[ he will pretend bakugou didn't just admit they will endure two more months of this hell. nope. didn't happen. ]
.... the mall sounds better.
what if someone walked in to take a 12:00 am piss?
no subject
Date: 7/12/24 01:01 (UTC)[admit? he fucking told him! but this guy likes summer more than winter, so nyeh.]
the mall?! how the hell's it any cooler there than here?
lock the door.
no subject
Date: 7/12/24 07:40 (UTC)[ and bakugou wanted him to sleep in the tub. WHY DIDN'T HE THINK OF SHOUTO FIRST? smh. ]
i think deku is gone.
you okay?
no subject
Date: 7/12/24 15:10 (UTC)[technically has to be someone he's comfortable with, but anyways...
CAUSE HE'S NOT SLEEPING WITH SHOUTO IN THE SAME BED, DAMMIT!! even if the guy's a cold pack on one side.]
yeah. it's not the first time.
[he's glad denji isn't talking face to face with him.]
he's back home where he belongs.
no subject
Date: 7/12/24 15:36 (UTC)not the first time he was gone?
well ... that sucks, huh?
it must feel like you're left behind.
no subject
Date: 7/12/24 16:21 (UTC)yeah. he showed up for a month in winter, then vanished for two months, then came back.
[way to rub it in, denji. thanks.]
i'm fine!
no subject
Date: 7/12/24 16:30 (UTC)[ it's not 'rubbing it in' - it's a gentle poke to drop his guard for once. ]
all i'm saying is ... i'm here if you ever wanna talk about it.
no subject
Date: 7/12/24 16:34 (UTC)before finally-]
it's fine. deku and i never really interacted much while he was here anyways.
no subject
Date: 7/12/24 16:50 (UTC)[ it's something denji gathered from the small details from their conversation in the bathhouse and that shared memory. midoriya isn't just an old friend, he is someone who had a major influence on bakugou. in one way or another.
it gotta ... hurt a bit, right? even if they end up seeing each other again, bakugou might be feeling a bit off with the sudden departure. ]
no subject
Date: 7/12/24 16:57 (UTC)[it's... a half truth. because he knows what's waiting for izuku back home. even if their worlds are paused, katsuki can't get over the feeling of being stuck here. worrying about his world, the people back there.
denji's right about izuku and how close he is to katsuki. he's only seen a glimpse of how the blonde used to treat the other boy. their relationship is infuriatingly complex, but...
yeah, it does hurt. though, what hurt more was the lack of interaction. the departure was almost a relief.]
you and topknot keep a steady interaction, right?
no subject
Date: 7/12/24 17:15 (UTC)[ denji is still clueless about what awaits the young heroes back home, but he knows bakugou wouldn't lie to him. if he truly feels some level of ease— then this might be the best scenario for deku. the half-devil will just have to keep an eye on him in the past few days and make sure his partner is coping well. be there for him if he needs it.
ah, fuck. why did bakugou pull an uno reverse card here? ]
i think aki dating tsuru made our friendship easier. if that make any sense? i feel we needed someone to keep the mood light and fun and silly, so ... yeah.
[ a pause. ]
but, in vegas, he did end up seeing memories of my life that i was hoping he would never find out about. so, that fucking sucked.
no subject
Date: 7/12/24 17:28 (UTC)how katsuki copes with that will be... a mix of things.
and he plays the reverse uno because talking about his feelings is never easy. even with the people he's closest to.]
that makes sense.
[it's not a distraction in the negative sense, but a release that lets the pressure of friendship not build up too much. people need space, time alone, and a different lens to filter through. not sure about the light and silly part, but whatever. katsuki knows his classmates are dumbasses.]
memories about what happened to him?
no subject
Date: 7/12/24 18:05 (UTC)yeah, it's not a distraction— it's good to have someone to keep them from sinking lower into misery and tsurumaru had that talent. it kept the flow of the conversation a lot easier between them and they had other topics to discuss aside from the utter fuckery that awaits them back home.
well, it's denji's turn to have some time to reflect on an answer. it is hard to talk about feelings, he agrees with bakugou on this one, but his reason might be different. ]
no. he knows what happened to him. i told him a week after we showed up in this city. it's ... the memories of what happened after he was no longer part of my life. i wanted to protect him from that.
[ further failures on denji's part to protect another person he cares about. it's never-ending, isn't it? he truly had no control, no power, no influence ... ]
no subject
Date: 7/12/24 18:24 (UTC)perhaps that same reason is why the blonde's more comfortable around his close circle of friends. they don't have to talk about what's going on back home, what waits for them, and can focus on something new and most-of-the-time more pleasant.
denji has all the time he wants as katsuki flops on his back and looks up at the ceiling. one of the perks of having the brain phone: hands free communication.]
that you had to move on without him or life keeps fucking with you?
no subject
Date: 7/12/24 18:47 (UTC)it hurts him that he's not there to protect me ...
[ the hands-free communication is a blessing— especially in these types of conversations. it didn't mean denji's answers are coming out as fast as they usually are. it's a difficult topic. however, if he's expecting visibility from bakugou it's only fair he returns the favor. being a hypocrite will not help either of them to progress, so he has to suck it up.
unlike the other, denji's body is far too stiff and he ends up leaning back against the wall, finding a somewhat private corner along the street, seeking some relief under the shade. ]
it hurts me, too.
but, i didn't want him to know. i didn't want him to see me like that.
i hoped he'd think i'm doing well.
that i'm happy ...
no subject
Date: 7/12/24 19:44 (UTC)[as frustrating as it is, aki shouldn't think it's his responsibility or need to be beside denji 24/7 all the time. that kind of thinking will only drive him further and further into despondency as each trouble denji faces equates to another failure on aki's part. a hero naturally feels that same kind of wrench when something fucks up and he or she wasn't there to stop it... but they can't be everywhere all at once.
katsuki's got the window to his room open and the bed stripped down to nothing but the top sheet with a plastic covering underneath. it's irritatingly-noisy, but it keeps the mattress from ending up a sweat-soaked mess while they figure out how to get the power stable again.]
what he doesn't know won't hurt him, right?
no subject
Date: 7/12/24 20:46 (UTC)[ it's a lot. in a way, he understands aki's feelings, and they both acknowledge they are struggling to cope with their cruel reality— they are trying their best to be better, to feel better; following the textbook. talk about it, cry your heart out, forgive, and then try to move on. they fucking did all of that. then why? why does it still feel so off?
he's quiet for a bit; expression going somber behind the flush from the mad heat, hair sticking to his sweat-drenched skin, yet he found himself in an odd trance that made him forget of physical discomfort. more silence, he then started walking down the narrow street again, idly seeking a nearby store or restaurant with a functioning cooling unit to recover. ]
do you agree?
that sometimes the person shouldn't know? just to keep them happy?
would you like that?
no subject
Date: 7/12/24 21:08 (UTC)it'll always feel off. just the same as a scar will always be present on the skin. wounds like that heal, but scars only fade with time, never disappearing. it's easy to forget that. katsuki reaches for a nearby water bottle.]
that's not a simple answer. lying to someone to keep them happy is bullshit.
but with this, it's between you and him.
if he asked you what happened after he died, it's up to you to tell him or not, but both of you need to be ready for whatever happens next.
no subject
Date: 7/12/24 22:23 (UTC)i'm asking you.
would you rather not know?
[ an honest question. denji could feel himself getting a bit nervous as he pushed through the crowd; he didn't predict a silly text of him whining over the heatwave to take such a turn and he wasn't prepared for any of this. his issue with aki is something he will have to handle since he chose to break the news to him about how it all ends between them— denji will have to deal with the consequences, there is no way out of it. it's too late.
however, he did confess to bakugou that they 'need to talk' on their last trip, and while he's not trying to seek a cheap escape— it wouldn't hurt to hear his partner's thoughts. ]
do you want to know everything about me?
or, what we have here is all that matters?
am i lying to you by not saying anything?
no subject
Date: 7/13/24 22:49 (UTC)huh? i learn more about you all the time!
i don't want you to dump your life story on me in one go.
[there's nothing in denji's past that is going to break them up or turn katsuki off from him. there are things he might not agree with, things he won't like that happened, but none of that affects them here. nor does he want or need denji to extol him with everything in his life; things will come at their own pace and when they do, he'll ask and learn about them. sometimes prompted by events, sometimes his own curiosity.
so long as denji doesn't straight up lie to him there, it's a non-issue.]
when have you ever lied to me?
[technically keeping silent isn't lying, but... now katsuki's curious about what's going on.]
oy, if you want to tell me something, say it.
no subject
Date: 7/14/24 16:56 (UTC)he's not lying, yet it does feel a bit cowardly to seek refuge behind the golden opportunity here. the idea of confessing to murdering aki terrifies him; bakugou has proven himself to tolerate a lot from denji, yet he's certain there is a limit. there are matters worthy of sharing, concerns that would affect them here and right now. perhaps denji should focus on those. as a start. the rest is fated to rear its ugly head.
let him enjoy the other's company a little longer. ]
i never lied to you.
[ if bakugou asked, he would answer. truthfully. always will. ]
makima.
you know that name?
no subject
Date: 7/14/24 20:52 (UTC)these things will come out in small moments, when conversation topic or life events and experiences prompt the comment or question regarding them. katsuki knows he'll tell denji more about himself in the future. the same way every relationship ends up learning more about the other side over time. without knowing what denji wants to tell him, he's left at the mercy of what the other boy holds back, as well as how the devil hunter opts to spin things.
katsuki's prepared to do battle with denji's doubts and guilt too.]
i know.
you mentioned it once. that's it.
[aki might have said to too, but the underlying aura of the conversation suggested that topic be avoided.]
no subject
Date: 7/15/24 18:23 (UTC)makima is the control devil.
she's from my world. aki and i were very close to her but we didn't know 'what' she was. i guess you can say we learned about it the hard way.
[ by now, he found a semi-private cafe; the place offered him some shade and a cool breeze. it helps to ease his thoughts and make them more clear even when he opts to take his time picking the words. ]
we're both uncomfortable. i can honestly say i'm even afraid of her, but i try my best not to show it. devils feed on fear, after all. i don't trust her. she's not as strong in this city, but i still don't trust her.
i guess i wanted you to know ... during the new year, i decided to make a contract with her. we agreed i'd protect her and in exchange, she won't hurt anyone in here. i plan to keep my part of the deal.
i just want you to remember that name and stay away from her. i'm not doubting your strength, it's not that, i'm simply asking you to do it for me. i don't want you to be friendly with someone like that. it would hurt me a lot ...
no subject
Date: 7/15/24 20:35 (UTC)that said... denji drops a wall of text on him and the blonde's both surprised and not that surprised to read it. give him a minute or so to process it before responding.]
as long as she doesn't give me a reason to rip her face off, i won't.
[even though it irks him that someone going by the title of "control devil" would be running around messing with people. a lot of what he assumes of denji and aki's background suddenly gets this name thrown in there and probably makes a big mess, but it's enough katsuki's accepting the warning.]
why did you make a contract? LILITH can fuck people up if they start infighting.
[he's... not happy to hear that denji has a contract with someone who scares him.]
no subject
Date: 7/16/24 16:16 (UTC)i only know makima and what she can do.
in the end, i don't care if she comes for me. the contract is an agreement between us not to get others involved. i don't want people dying because of me ...
[ he didn't want to spend his days in this neon city living in fear and stressing over who she would target next, it felt best to make a deal with the devil instead. even if that involved him being civil with makima, exchanging small talk, following up, and maintaining some form of contact— denji will do it. it started out of fear of aki getting hurt again, then progressed to the half-devil growing fond of his everlight teammates and then, of course, bakugou. he will fucking lose his mind if anyone touches a single hair of his boyfriend.
so there are no regrets about making that deal. none. ]
nothing weird happened so far.
i guess it's working ...
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