[A lot of people tried to off Yuji for one reason or another. It's obvious Choso's claims of brethren would be weird as hell when said to someone whom he just tried to kill. Though Bakugo's assuming that was the reason Choso stopped the fatal offense. Meaning he probably didn't know for a bit either, as Yuji said he just learned it himself.
Kenjaku really fucked with a lot of people. Reminds him of All for One, dicking around with everyone's lives just to make one thing happen and gain another advantage.
Bakugo occasionally dips into Yuji's history, when the guy seems okay enough to talk about it, but usually tries to juxtapose it with something more... present and grounding. Like this training.]
Urusei. [Better be joking. Bakugo wouldn't believe it for a second.] Ingrained in you?
[It reminds him of what All Might and Midoriya said regarding One for All. When Midoriya unlocked the past wielder's Quirks. Their power was still there, inside the other Quirk.]
So you were given the technique and now you're trying to make it yours. Mentally, because your muscle memory's already attuned to it.
That was before! And he didn't try to, he totally did kill me.
[ It's not his fault he ate the finger... Except it totally is. Yuji can't really blame people for wanting to kill him, all things considered: Choso knew he had killed his brothers, and Yuta knew he had hurt Inumaki-senpai. It would make logical sense that he would be the focus of their anger after all of that, and he can accept it. Anger is a powerful motivator.
Tilting his head, he considers, for a moment, telling Bakugo all of it. If anyone was going to be accepting he thinks this particular friend might be: Choso doesn't know just yet, but he should soon, and Megumi and Nobara would react weirdly, so... Maybe it'll be okay to test the waters here, just a little.
It's not as if he's explained what the Death Paintings are just yet. ]
Yeah, I ate them. Six of them. That's how I got the technique.
[ Which, actually, probably sounds normal since Izuku - ]
It's like that. Gojo-sensei said that I might eventually be able to use Sukuna's technique, since my body was used to him being in there. I never got that far, though.
[He knows of one, but now this is a second, or was it the third? And was it really death or just a blip on the proverbial radar? Bakugo still holds to Yuji's goodness and refuses to agree with anyone who thinks the guy should die. If anything, it was the other people's fault for fucking with the finger in the first place, which then got Yuji involved.
Anyways, no point in bitching over shit that can't change. He has enough villains trying to point fingers back home rather than taking responsibility for their own fucked-up decisions.
Bakugo leans against the wall beside Yuji, resting his head to the cool stone behind him.
He ate... six of them. The fingers? No wait, that was 15ish. So these had to be... oh, the Death Paintings. Right. Accept it and go forward. He's picturing Yuji chewing on a literal painting of Death like a hamster. Gilded frame, oil painted canvas, backing, all of it. With a glass of water.]
It's like someone switched brains with you, used their techniques for a long ass time, and then swapped back. You'd initially know shit about the technique, but your body's used to the motions.
[ The way he says it makes it sound as if it's totally normal for him, which it probably is. It was the heart both times, too... Says a lot about his ability to handle pain, as if that wasn't already painfully obvious to anyone who saw him fight for longer than five minutes.
Bakugo gets it, of course he does, and it makes Yuji's attempts to explain far easier. At least he's not being pushed about the paintings yet, skilfully avoiding the mention of womb. ]
Anyway, it's just like that. Because I was Sukuna's vessel for such a long time, my body is used to using that kind of level of power, I just need to figure it out mentally. When I did my training with Kusakabe-sensei it was a little bit like that, like...
[ He frowns. ]
It's like riding a bike, but they've changed the wheels and the gears don't work properly. You know how to do it, but it's not working right, so you have to adjust with the new tool.
[Only twice wouldn't make it normal, but Yuji's Yuji and Bakugo rolls his eyes. Heroes risk their lives each time they go out, so he doesn't have much room to talk. Especially since... well... One day he'll have to tell Yuji about that experience. How weird would it be to go "I almost died "and your companion just "Me too!" and continue on.
Sorry he's a smart cookie, Yuji. Let him be confused about you doing your brother's hair while ironically snapping onto how weird curse technique training works. Bakugo doesn't want to push about the paintings.]
Huh. That's a pretty clever analogy, Gari Head.
[And the guy says he's not smart. Okay, academically, yeah. Dumbass. But fighting? Oscillating physical genius.]
So it's like that with Blood Manipulation, your Reversed Cursed Technique, and whatever technique Suck imparted.
[ As if anyone else in their world has died and come back... Kenjaku doesn't count. His blasé view of his own life is a strange disconnect from the way he is about others that have died, the way he can't quite forgive himself, how much he misses them and wishes for them to come back. It's only recently that he's begun to realise the negative impact his own lack of concern might have on others and tried to adjust.
Beaming at the praise, he nods his head. ]
Yeah! Though I don't know if I can use his. I'm not his vessel, so anything he might have had inside me is probably gone.
[ Needs to do his eight black flashes to unlock that stuff...
A shrug. ]
I don't know if I'd want to use his technique either.
[Ironic Yuji thinks not knowing Bakugo's birthday is a big deal, but Yuji dying, twice, isn't. Priorities.
It's like dealing with Izuku, the way the other hero doesn't seem to care or value his own life when it comes to sacrificing it for someone else. Willing to jump in front of another person to shield them as the first recourse of action. Suicidal? Of course not. But for someone like Bakugo, who prides himself with such self-confidence and value, it almost impossible for his mind to understand the mindsets of Izuku and Yuji. But he won't let them walk their path alone.
As always, Yuji's smile lightens everything.]
I doubt it. Some Quirks in my world leave embers behind even after they're gone. If Curse Techniques are similar, he likely left something. Muscle memory takes a shit load of effort to unlearn.
[Especially given what Yuji's been saying about engraving techniques.]
[ His priorities are definitely a little messed up, but surviving in his world has definitely had him growing into someone who has a mindset that's wonky, different. Survival means understanding that pain, suffering and death is normal, so he's accustomed to it, but celebrating a friend's birthday? That's something he's rarely had the chance to do, so it's important to him. It's just how he is, and he wants to enjoy these simple things for as long as he can.
Bakugo, talking to Bakugo, always soothes the rattled edges of Yuji's nerves, and he's enjoying the chance to finally just talk about all the things going on in his mind. Eventually, he might unburden himself totally, but for now... ]
I've never hated anyone the way I hate him. Everything about him is the worst possible way it could be.
[ His hand clenches gently. ]
That's why I'm going to kill him. So no one else has to suffer because of him.
Don't protest when it's a big deal to others then.
[There are plenty of elements about Yuji's world Bakugo doesn't understand, things in his friend's life he won't grasp, but it doesn't change the fact he wants Yuji to live. That simple comment about "be nicer to yourself" means a lot to people looking into Yuji's proverbial windows. Bakugo wants Yuji to continue enjoying those simple things. Alive. He can't convince the other boy to stop being reckless or so self-sacrificing. But he can do plenty to be ready to catch him if he falls and support him along the way.
Unburden everything? Not necessary. Unless Yuji's close to cracking and all of that rushes out, Bakugo won't punch holes or encourage a deluge. It's not his business. He's content to let the sorcerer go at his own pace, like Yuji is with him.]
Slaughter him.
[As a hero, he can't condone killing... but there are times when that choice has to be made. Like Hawks killing Twice. All Might and Endeavor killing the Nomu. Some threats... there's no other way.]
[ There are lots of things about himself that Yuji knows are concerning: his self-loathing, his contentment when it comes to risking his own life and limb, the way he throws himself into fighting as if each mission is his last chance to live, but he is getting better. The support and kindness of the people around him is reshaping him, making him into what he thinks is a better person. Someone who can be strong and happy, as miraculous as it might be.
Killing Sukuna probably isn't the same as killing a person, Yuji rationalises: it's like killing Mahito. Killing curses is his role, his reason for existing now. Kill Sukuna, save his friend. It's what keeps him going.
Rubbing his face, he nods. ]
I know. I'm gonna use this feeling to get stronger, and this time I'll rip his heart out.
[He says he's learning, Bakugo knows he's learning, and yet sometimes, there comes a big reminder it's still very much a work in progress. As much as he gets irritated at Yuji's habits, there are aspects of them he's having to accept himself. Changing the jujutsu sorcerer isn't going to happen. Those thoughts and feelings are too ingrained. And yet, even someone as stubborn as Bakugo changed with people's influence. Maturing from the arrogant, selfish, egotistical abuser to a more heroic, understanding, and somewhat calmer person who actually gives a shit about other people.
It may surprise Yuji to know Bakugo considers the guy a better hero than himself. The same way he holds Izuku in the same regard. Of course, neither can beat out All Might in terms of Bakugo's admiration, so tough shit. All Might forever.
Bakugo accepted the deaths of the Nomu without much problem, since those were more or less monsters, modified corpses brought back to life and stuffed with Quirks and biological science tech to serve as living weapons. Just... not all of those corpses were unknown individuals... and memories don't always disappear. Even in death.]
You sure that'll kill him? You died and came back.
[And one of those deaths was due to heart rip. Bakugo doesn't know that detail, but the question remains.]
I'll eat his heart if I have to. And I'll kill him every single time he comes back if I need to. I'll hunt him down, track him down, and I'll make sure he's dead.
[ Yuji is certain of himself, intense, angry, his expression tightening for a moment. He's remembering Mahito's moment of death, his speech then, the threat and promise - and he feels the same about Sukuna, feels the same about the monster that has taken so much from him without pause nor hesitation. If he can bring Sukuna's end around, if he can make sure that he's gone forever...
It doesn't matter what the cost or risk it.
Looking back over at Bakugo, realising how intense that sounded, he laughs and shakes his head. ]
Won't that just bring him back? You ate his fingers first.
[Which is what Bakugo picked out of the rest of that rant. He understands Yuji's anger and rage, the things he says, the heat of his voice. Feels it in his tone and sees it in the expression on his face. It's an intense focus and promised result, things he accepts about his friend. Though Bakugo won't kill, he knows the feeling, having wanted to kill Shigaraki and All for One pretty damn often in his life since getting involved with them.
But he also doesn't want Yuji to enter some fucked-up loop with the king of curses.]
So what if it's weird. You're like the world's most intense exterminator.
[ There’s an obvious solution, which Yuji isn’t about to bring up and have make the moment even weirder or get another scolding: if he can’t kill Sukuna he could eat a body part again and kill himself, since he could take him on and be a vessel again. Simple, easy, quick. But he’s not going to mention that.
Instead, he waves a hand. ]
Those were cursed objects. I think his heart would be different.
[ Managing an awkward little smile, he sighs. ]
I’ve never hated anyone like this before. Not even close.
[Bakugo would still have his doubts even at that suggestion. Bad guys have a habit of returning from the graven even after a "sure kill" solution was found and implemented. But Yuji doesn't say it, so Bakugo doesn't get the chance to doubt it. He'll have to deal with his own world, where All for One's rewinding and Shigaraki's evolving and heroes and villains are trying to save or kill each other respectively.]
Can't monks mummify their entire bodies, organs and all? [Give him a second.] No, they remove the organs. [Wait.] Shit, that's Egyptian mummies.
[Maybe the heart would be different. He has no clue.]
Oy, Gari Head.
[His tone takes a more serious dip.]
You wanna hate the bastard, fine. But don't get so lost in it, you don't have a reason to live once he's dead.
[He would hate to see Yuji end up like Todoroki Toya...]
I don't really know the answer to it, but I would have to figure it out. We all worked together to make a plan to fight him, so I'm going to work with everyone left to make sure he's gone for good.
[ Even if 'everyone left' is just himself, Choso, Yuta, Maki, Miwa and Kusakabe-sensei. The list isn't huge, but... They'll be able to make it work, surely? They're the people fighting for 'good', and while Yuji might not believe in all of that right now... He wants to hope that them working together will get them the outcome they want.
Glancing back up at Bakugo, he smiles weakly. ]
That's not my reason for living. My reason for living is to make sure that Megumi is safe.
[ To save him, to bring him back, to get rid of Sukuna... All for Megumi. ]
Hn. So you're dealing with the same thing as we are. There's no way for one of us to end All for One. We have to do that together.
[It's good to know that Yuji has friends who are able to help him. Though some are gone to death, some are out of the fight, knowing their legacies and future assistance remain is a heartening fact. All Might was gone, unable to take out All for One alone like he had those two times before... and none of the heroes left could ever be All Might. But together, they could surpass him, and end All for One for good.
Bakugo watches the other boy for a few seconds. After what Yuji said before, it would seem doubtful, and yet, he trusts him. Because he knows what it's like to live for someone you care about.]
That's how it is. I wanted to be able to die and take Sukuna with me, but that's not an option any more, so I'll work this way as well.
[ There are some friends, of course, that he's lost along the way, but he'll fight to keep their memories alive. Kugiskai, Gojo-sensei, Nanamin, Higuruma-san... All people that he carries in his heart, even if he might never see them again once he goes home. That's the sort of thing that's going to keep him going, because without it he's going to fall apart completely.
He has people here, now, too - Raidou, Bakugo, March, Wriothesley, so many people that are becoming more and more important to him as the days go by. He's not going to let go of their memories either. ]
[There's been a lot Yuji's said about Sukuna and Megumi recently. As well as what Bakugo knows about Sukuna and Yuji in the past. How the other boy acquired the curse in the first place. Between those hints and the focus on Megumi, as well as the notion of techniques being carved into the body and what's left behind, he's slowly worked out what likely happened over in Yuji's world. When Yuji mentions "that's not an option anymore", it's the final piece to confirm his suspicions.]
Sukuna switched bodies; he's in Fushiguro now.
[It's a quiet comment, but the weight of it is impossible to miss. No wonder Yuji feels so much guilt over what happened. He took on a burden he didn't know, was tasked with completing this mission and cap it at the end with his death, and despite proceeding towards that end with resolve and acceptance of his task, was taken for a joy ride by a sadistic bastard before said bastard abandoned him and embedded himself into Yuji's best friend.
It's one thing to fight yourself; it's another thing to fight someone you care about. It's one thing to kill yourself without as much guilt; its another to know you might have to kill your best friend for "the better" of the world.
Yeah. It's my fault - and I'm not overexaggerating this time.
[ There's an awkwardness to it, and standing in the middle of the halls to discuss it is a little weird, but there's no one else around. Yuji doesn't want to walk back to Bakugo's room, not when it's his birthday, and they're supposed to be going out to make sure he has a good time and enjoys a movie... Right now, all he's doing is making the day more sad. Maybe this is a little gift in itself, though: letting Bakugo see more of his heart. Showing how much he trusts his friend.
Taking a deep breath in, Yuji shakes his head. ]
I made a Binding Vow with Sukuna - a contract, using cursed energy. In exchange for him bringing me back to life, he'd be able to take control of my body for one minute using a key word, as long as he didn't hurt anyone. I guess when I made it... I didn't consider myself important enough to be 'anyone'.
[ Which meant, in the end, Sukuna could bite his finger off and force-feed it to Megumi. Transfer hosts. Yuji explains this to Bakugo in bleak, quiet tones. ]
I know we can save him, that... We can stop Sukuna from controlling him forever. I know I can punch the point between their souls if I try hard enough. So that's why I ate the Death Paintings, that's why I trained so hard with Kusakabe-sensei, that's why I know I have to get back home eventually. I can't let Megumi suffer in there forever, not if I can do something to save him.
[A movie isn't as important as Yuji. Guilt and sorrow building up, pressuring the soul with a burden that won't go away by itself. He knows the feeling all too well. Stuffing the feelings, pretending everything was all right, yet when he was alone, each "what if" every "if only" all the "why couldn't I" swarmed back to peck, rip, and burrow into his mind until he was on the verge of screaming. but no one else could know, no one else should know, it was his burden to bear...
until he couldn't handle it any further. If it's like that with Yuji, then Bakugo would much rather be there for him and let him finally talk about it than sit in front of a screen and pound it back even further once again.
The fact Yuji trusts him enough to let him see the pain in his heart means a lot.
He listens quietly, taking note of everything the sorcerer is saying. It's hard to imagine Yuji would make a vow with someone as treacherous as Sukuna. Like making a deal with All for One, the only one who benefits from it in the end, is All for One. Yuji never sounded like he trusted the curse enough to make such a deal, especially if he knew death was one way to stop Sukuna, and certainly displayed an almost reckless disregard for his own life. Why the hell would he make a vow?
Unless he was forced or tricked into making it... Bakugo can see that happening, but he keeps it to himself as Yuji reveals how the transfer happened. There's a brief moment of motion as Bakugo silently takes one of Yuji's hands in his own, letting the touch rest at their hips without any attention drawn to it. What is it with fingers in this world?
Shigaraki would be thrilled. Fucking finger fanatic...
By now, he can easily accept the "sorcerer talk" about how to save Megumi, preparing for the fight, and other references. It explains so much of what Yuji's pressured by, and why the return to home is important. Which only makes Bakugo's determination to get everyone back home burn even more. It's a lot to take in even quick summarized like that.]
You will get back home. [He'll make sure of it as best he can.] And I won't stop believing you can win. It would be easier if you'd all focus on killing Sukuna... but you're taking the harder path to save Fushiguro. Many wouldn't. [Because it's something a hero would do.] You're one of the strongest people I know, Itadori.
And I still trust your choices. You did everything you could, with the best intentions. Even when they got fucked up. [He squeezes Yuji's hands.] You might think these are bloody, but I think they're as clean as your heart.
[And he'll tell him that as many times as he needs to.]
It's Bakugo's birthday, so Yuji should be taking care of him - it's an echo in his mind as he forces himself to breathe in and out. How many people know about his future now? Gojo-sensei, Choso... And Bakugo. He hasn't even admitted it all to Raidou, fearing that his partner will see what happened and judge him, won't want to touch him or be around him any more, and that's not something he can handle. He trusts Raidou, but who would want to love a boy who ate his own brothers for survival?
Emotions bubble up inside of him, impossible to ignore or shove aside, because Bakugo is being so kind to him. For someone who has a reputation for being loud, and shouting, and brash, the softness and gentle way he is speaking to Yuji now feels too much like something undeserved. He should learn to keep his mouth shut, to stop talking about things, because all he does is drag Bakugo into his own sadness and his own grief, causing more and more pain, passing on his burdens.
Doesn't he deserve to carry these things alone, with all the things he's done?
Breathing out a shuddering noise, he blinks back tears even as he tries to focus, to turn his hands to squeeze his friend's fingers back gently. He might not think he deserve this, is worth this kind of consideration and affection from Bakugo, but he knows voicing it will just get him into trouble. He'll get scolded instead, or chased around, and that would ruin this moment between them, making him feel even worse. What an awful birthday gift he's given his friend.
Lifting his head, he blinks, tired. Sad. ]
You shouldn't trust me at all. All the people I get close to end up getting hurt or dying. I'm probably some kind of bad omen now...
[ Love is the most twisted curse of all, after all. ]
I want to be the person you believe I am. I don't know if I'm ready to believe it myself yet. Sorry, Katsuki.
[ Is this the first time he's used Bakugo's name? It seems so, but the moment felt right. 'Dandelion' is special, Bakugo for those softer moments, but this... This felt like a moment to bare himself completely, to show the depth of his affection. Bakugo has earned his place amongst the people that Yuji loves most, an unshakable bond that he would fight and die for. ]
It reminds him of something that Uraraka once said. Heroes are always helping other people who suffer. But who helps the heroes when they're suffering? Yuji tries to help so many people, listening to them, encouraging them, protecting them, sacrificing for them, hurting for them. And he usually doesn't like to dwell on his own burdens and pains. The fact he's letting Bakugo help him right now... It's convoluted, but it's a gift in its own way. (Bakugo also trusts Raidou to continue liking Yuji even if he learns these facts, but that's for Raidou and Yuji to work out between them.)
That's the thing about heroes. Heroes stick their noses in business that isn't theirs. A house falling off a cliff. Not their business, but they're there to help. A robbery in a store. Not their store, not their products, but they're there to help. A villain threatening to blow up a city block. Not technically their business, but they're there to help. A cat in a tree, not their business, but they're there.
A young man who holds himself up despite the sadness and grief of his own burden. Not his business... but he's here to help. Reaching out a hand for the lost and weary to take, so he can help support their burdens. Because he's a hero.
You don't have to do this alone. Why? Because I'm here.
It doesn't matter that it's heavy. It doesn't matter that it hurts. That it's sad. It's hard. It matters because it's alone. And for Bakugo, it matters because this is Itadori Yuji. This is his friend. He laces his fingers in Yuji's and holds on tight, silently promising not to go anywhere, not to give up on him.
Even if Yuji doesn't think he deserves this or is worth this... Well, this is one of the times where Bakugo doesn't give a shit what Yuji thinks. He'll be selfish about this all he fucking wants.
So much fear, so much pain, so must disbelief in his own self. Bakugo hates how much damage has been done to Yuji. To someone he cares about. Why can't Yuji see how much good he's done? ... Well, he knows the answer to that. Right now, it's bleak. Of course he'd think himself a bad omen because he's in the middle of a war. Because people target him.
Izuku ran away from all of them, thinking the exact same thing. He would only hurt his friends if he stayed near them. He'd rather be alone, deal with his own burdens alone, face the war alone... It's protection, it's love, it's insane.]
Urusei.
[This time, it's no handhold. Katsuki pulls Yuji's arm to draw him over and promptly embraces him. One arm wrapped around the sorcerer's shoulders, the other gently holding the back of his head to keep him close. Trapping them in a tiny little world where his words can come softly and meant only for Yuji.]
I don't care what you believe about yourself in this. To me, you're a hero. Everyone who got close to you did it because they like you, trust you, believe in you, and care for you. You've saved people, you're fighting to protect even more, there are things only you can do. You're a good person, not some omen.
You don't have to be ready to believe it yet. [Hurt comes. Death comes. Katsuki curls his fingers in Yuji's hair.] I'll do it for both of us.
[One of his teachers died too. Others have been maimed. Others forced to retire. Heroes have died and been hurt, his classmates almost expelled for trying to help him, his greatest idol burning out the last embers of his power just to protect him... Katsuki felt like trash, still feels the weight of that guilt, and hates himself for it. But he knows each of those actions came about because everyone believed in something better in the future.
He can't let Yuji fall. Not even to himself.] I trust your heart's unwavering. So don't apologize, Yuji.
[It's fine. The affection and bond are reflected in the same. A quiet acceptance of that elevation. Just as Yuji's ready to fight and die for him, Katsuki would do the same. Though damn if he wouldn't exhaust ever available option to make sure they both stay alive. If his life serves as living proof that Yuji's not a bad omen, that's a fucking good life.]
[ Yuji falls into the embrace, the hand in his hair, and it feels a little bit like he's breaking, somehow, as if the weight and pressure has all suddenly become just that little bit too much.
There are people that believe in him, of course. He can list them, think of their smiles and their faces, the way they'd left him with their hopes and dreams in his hands, from 'you've got it from here' to the final connection between two people, his and Higuruma-san's gazes finally meeting for the first time right before Sukuna came for him. Yuji knows how it feels to be believed in, just as he knows how it feels to let those people down.
Bakugo's arms around him feel like floating in the ocean, like suddenly that weight is lifted. There's always been a comfort in a hand in his hair (Megumi does it, and Raidou does too, and sometime Nanamin or Gojo-sensei would ruffle his hair) and it soothes him, even as he breaks a little more, the tears flooding his face even as he tries to blink them away. Gojo-sensei is right to call him a crybaby: it seems like that's all he does, even now, in the middle of the corridor, emotions too intense to disappear.
There are things only he can do, and right now that is his focus. To get stronger, to fight, to have his body learn techniques here that he can try and take back with him, to grow stronger and braver and better, so that no one else has to die. The world has taken enough from them, and Yuji wants to stand between Sukuna and what little love he has left and make sure that the only cost is his own. No one else will ever have to feel the grief and pain that he's felt for so, so many more months.
Slowly, as if afraid of falling to pieces in Bakugo's arms, he turns and presses his face into his friend's neck, and he lets himself cry. Just a little. Bakugo can hold him, can carry this burden, just for a few minutes. His dandelion is strong enough for that, and Yuji would never suggest otherwise. ]
That's all I wanted to do. I wanted to help people. To be strong, and be good, and die surrounded by people who loved me. I started out wanting to die without regrets, to never regret how I lived, but I... I can't do that any more.
[ A hand curls into his hair and Yuji sobs, slumping against Bakugo, trusting his friend to catch him. He knows Bakugo will, too, a belief that's ingrained in him, a trust so real that it feels as though he can hold it in his shaky hands and press it against his chest, to hold onto it with a grip so solid it would leave marks.
His hands grip at the back of his friend's shirt, his eyes, damp, stain his neck, the collar of his shirt, but Yuji can't help but hold on. He's been keeping himself together for weeks, but even he isn't strong enough to ignore all of his pain forever. ]
Please believe in me. Don't give up on me, Katsuki. I'll be good enough, I'll be strong enough... I want to come back to you and tell you that I did it. So wait for me, okay? I'll show you that your faith wasn't misplaced. That I'll... I'll do the best that I can.
[He didn't expect him to fall... but he doesn't buckle either. Katsuki holds him, letting Yuji decide whether he'll struggle to keep it in or let it all go. He's been in this place before, breaking down and crying in front of Izuku, yelling about how it was Katsuki's fault All Might had to retire, about how his beliefs couldn't be wrong, could they?
He remembers Izuku likewise, falling into his arms and crying after everyone in 1-A came for him to save him from himself. Everything they said finally leading to the hero breaking down in his childhood friend's arms after Katsuki reaffirmed Izuku's path and choices, admitted his own complicate complexes towards the other boy, then apologized to him for everything he'd done to Izuku.
People are strong, heroes are strong, but they're still people. They break when they fall, they hurt when they're injured, and trying to weather something alone for too long only wears them down. Suffering certainly can help you grow when you overcome it, but it doesn't make you stronger by itself. You shouldn't wish it on anyone either... Not as an excuse to get stronger at least.
His chest clenches as Yuji holds onto him. It means so much to him the other boy listened to him, trusted Katsuki to hear him out. They clash on many things, but agree on many others. Someday, he'll be the one holding onto Yuji... He remembers when All Might hugged him after that fight with Izuku. A hand in his hair felt like such a comfort, hiding his shame and sadness for a little while so he could record. It really did feel like letting someone else handle that burden for a while so his soul and mind could vent all the emotions piled up inside. Katsuki gently caresses through Yuji's hair, fingertips grazing his scalp, wanting to continue offering that respite.
Izuku and Yuji are both crybabies...
When their classmate left and their school went into lockdown as the second war approached, Katsuki threw himself into training. To get stronger, to fight, to improve so he could save as many people as possible once the war broke open. Like Yuji, there are things only he can do. He doesn't want anyone else to die on his watch either. Hero or villain. There's enough loss and pain in the world already; nothing can improve and get better if everyone's dead. Katsuki is willing to die to protect... but he's doggedly determined that no one will have to pay that cost. Including himself.
Listening to and feeling Yuji break down in his arms, Katsuki rests his head against the other boy's own, cheek to his hair and arms giving the occasional squeeze. Tears wet his neck and collar, but it's fine. He holds that burden for a little while. It's so very heavy... and his ginger is so very strong. It's not fair that this world would bring them together and not let them help each other once they finished helping this one. He wants so badly to go back with Yuji and protect him, help him, and it hurts to know that he can't. Somehow... he hopes his words will stay, that Yuji's support will also engrave itself on Katsuki's body, so he can take some of his friend back home with him.]
It's nice to say, but it's impossible. We all have regrets. [Mirko said something similar about living with no regrets, ever day like it was her last... but even she had regrets, failing to kill Shigaraki before the monster awoke and unleashed hell on Japan. She was the only one close enough to do that... and she failed.] But we can make sure our happiness and successes outweigh our regrets. You can still live that way.
[Helpful. Strong. Good. Loved. Regrets don't have to clog up life and drag someone down. Katsuki braces a bit when Yuji drops his weight on him and supports his friend without fail. Holding him close in a safe catch. He wishes he could take all of Yuji's negatives and make them vanish. Such a stupid wish, but it's true. Just like Yuji would probably wish as well. So he holds him, feels the strength in the sorcerer's heart beating strong. This is a friendship he'll protect and cherish. A support he won't ever take for granted. Even as his shirt drags in Yuji's fingers, his collar dampens from hot tears, Katsuki holds on. This precious, fractured person he refuses to let go of.]
Aa. I won't ever give up on you. I know you'll win. And when we meet again, I'll hear all about it. [He'll believe in him, he'll wait for him, he'll keep his faith, knowing Yuji's best will come out. Yuji's promise to return, to prove his life, hits home a lot harder than he might think. Katsuki rests his mouth against the other boy's head, breathing quietly as a number of feelings run through.] I'm with you. Always.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
blastedass
no subject
Date: 4/27/24 21:11 (UTC)[A lot of people tried to off Yuji for one reason or another. It's obvious Choso's claims of brethren would be weird as hell when said to someone whom he just tried to kill. Though Bakugo's assuming that was the reason Choso stopped the fatal offense. Meaning he probably didn't know for a bit either, as Yuji said he just learned it himself.
Kenjaku really fucked with a lot of people. Reminds him of All for One, dicking around with everyone's lives just to make one thing happen and gain another advantage.
Bakugo occasionally dips into Yuji's history, when the guy seems okay enough to talk about it, but usually tries to juxtapose it with something more... present and grounding. Like this training.]
Urusei. [Better be joking. Bakugo wouldn't believe it for a second.] Ingrained in you?
[It reminds him of what All Might and Midoriya said regarding One for All. When Midoriya unlocked the past wielder's Quirks. Their power was still there, inside the other Quirk.]
So you were given the technique and now you're trying to make it yours. Mentally, because your muscle memory's already attuned to it.
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Date: 4/27/24 21:16 (UTC)[ It's not his fault he ate the finger... Except it totally is. Yuji can't really blame people for wanting to kill him, all things considered: Choso knew he had killed his brothers, and Yuta knew he had hurt Inumaki-senpai. It would make logical sense that he would be the focus of their anger after all of that, and he can accept it. Anger is a powerful motivator.
Tilting his head, he considers, for a moment, telling Bakugo all of it. If anyone was going to be accepting he thinks this particular friend might be: Choso doesn't know just yet, but he should soon, and Megumi and Nobara would react weirdly, so... Maybe it'll be okay to test the waters here, just a little.
It's not as if he's explained what the Death Paintings are just yet. ]
Yeah, I ate them. Six of them. That's how I got the technique.
[ Which, actually, probably sounds normal since Izuku - ]
It's like that. Gojo-sensei said that I might eventually be able to use Sukuna's technique, since my body was used to him being in there. I never got that far, though.
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Date: 4/27/24 21:26 (UTC)[He knows of one, but now this is a second, or was it the third? And was it really death or just a blip on the proverbial radar? Bakugo still holds to Yuji's goodness and refuses to agree with anyone who thinks the guy should die. If anything, it was the other people's fault for fucking with the finger in the first place, which then got Yuji involved.
Anyways, no point in bitching over shit that can't change. He has enough villains trying to point fingers back home rather than taking responsibility for their own fucked-up decisions.
Bakugo leans against the wall beside Yuji, resting his head to the cool stone behind him.
He ate... six of them. The fingers? No wait, that was 15ish. So these had to be... oh, the Death Paintings. Right. Accept it and go forward. He's picturing Yuji chewing on a literal painting of Death like a hamster. Gilded frame, oil painted canvas, backing, all of it. With a glass of water.]
It's like someone switched brains with you, used their techniques for a long ass time, and then swapped back. You'd initially know shit about the technique, but your body's used to the motions.
no subject
Date: 4/27/24 21:30 (UTC)[ The way he says it makes it sound as if it's totally normal for him, which it probably is. It was the heart both times, too... Says a lot about his ability to handle pain, as if that wasn't already painfully obvious to anyone who saw him fight for longer than five minutes.
Bakugo gets it, of course he does, and it makes Yuji's attempts to explain far easier. At least he's not being pushed about the paintings yet, skilfully avoiding the mention of womb. ]
Anyway, it's just like that. Because I was Sukuna's vessel for such a long time, my body is used to using that kind of level of power, I just need to figure it out mentally. When I did my training with Kusakabe-sensei it was a little bit like that, like...
[ He frowns. ]
It's like riding a bike, but they've changed the wheels and the gears don't work properly. You know how to do it, but it's not working right, so you have to adjust with the new tool.
no subject
Date: 4/27/24 21:38 (UTC)[Only twice wouldn't make it normal, but Yuji's Yuji and Bakugo rolls his eyes. Heroes risk their lives each time they go out, so he doesn't have much room to talk. Especially since... well... One day he'll have to tell Yuji about that experience. How weird would it be to go "I almost died "and your companion just "Me too!" and continue on.
Sorry he's a smart cookie, Yuji. Let him be confused about you doing your brother's hair while ironically snapping onto how weird curse technique training works. Bakugo doesn't want to push about the paintings.]
Huh. That's a pretty clever analogy, Gari Head.
[And the guy says he's not smart. Okay, academically, yeah. Dumbass. But fighting? Oscillating physical genius.]
So it's like that with Blood Manipulation, your Reversed Cursed Technique, and whatever technique Suck imparted.
no subject
Date: 4/27/24 21:47 (UTC)[ As if anyone else in their world has died and come back... Kenjaku doesn't count. His blasé view of his own life is a strange disconnect from the way he is about others that have died, the way he can't quite forgive himself, how much he misses them and wishes for them to come back. It's only recently that he's begun to realise the negative impact his own lack of concern might have on others and tried to adjust.
Beaming at the praise, he nods his head. ]
Yeah! Though I don't know if I can use his. I'm not his vessel, so anything he might have had inside me is probably gone.
[ Needs to do his eight black flashes to unlock that stuff...
A shrug. ]
I don't know if I'd want to use his technique either.
no subject
Date: 4/27/24 22:00 (UTC)[Ironic Yuji thinks not knowing Bakugo's birthday is a big deal, but Yuji dying, twice, isn't. Priorities.
It's like dealing with Izuku, the way the other hero doesn't seem to care or value his own life when it comes to sacrificing it for someone else. Willing to jump in front of another person to shield them as the first recourse of action. Suicidal? Of course not. But for someone like Bakugo, who prides himself with such self-confidence and value, it almost impossible for his mind to understand the mindsets of Izuku and Yuji. But he won't let them walk their path alone.
As always, Yuji's smile lightens everything.]
I doubt it. Some Quirks in my world leave embers behind even after they're gone. If Curse Techniques are similar, he likely left something. Muscle memory takes a shit load of effort to unlearn.
[Especially given what Yuji's been saying about engraving techniques.]
Not surprising. He's a monster.
no subject
Date: 4/27/24 22:23 (UTC)[ His priorities are definitely a little messed up, but surviving in his world has definitely had him growing into someone who has a mindset that's wonky, different. Survival means understanding that pain, suffering and death is normal, so he's accustomed to it, but celebrating a friend's birthday? That's something he's rarely had the chance to do, so it's important to him. It's just how he is, and he wants to enjoy these simple things for as long as he can.
Bakugo, talking to Bakugo, always soothes the rattled edges of Yuji's nerves, and he's enjoying the chance to finally just talk about all the things going on in his mind. Eventually, he might unburden himself totally, but for now... ]
I've never hated anyone the way I hate him. Everything about him is the worst possible way it could be.
[ His hand clenches gently. ]
That's why I'm going to kill him. So no one else has to suffer because of him.
no subject
Date: 4/27/24 22:33 (UTC)[There are plenty of elements about Yuji's world Bakugo doesn't understand, things in his friend's life he won't grasp, but it doesn't change the fact he wants Yuji to live. That simple comment about "be nicer to yourself" means a lot to people looking into Yuji's proverbial windows. Bakugo wants Yuji to continue enjoying those simple things. Alive. He can't convince the other boy to stop being reckless or so self-sacrificing. But he can do plenty to be ready to catch him if he falls and support him along the way.
Unburden everything? Not necessary. Unless Yuji's close to cracking and all of that rushes out, Bakugo won't punch holes or encourage a deluge. It's not his business. He's content to let the sorcerer go at his own pace, like Yuji is with him.]
Slaughter him.
[As a hero, he can't condone killing... but there are times when that choice has to be made. Like Hawks killing Twice. All Might and Endeavor killing the Nomu. Some threats... there's no other way.]
There's nothing wrong with hating someone.
no subject
Date: 4/27/24 22:39 (UTC)[ There are lots of things about himself that Yuji knows are concerning: his self-loathing, his contentment when it comes to risking his own life and limb, the way he throws himself into fighting as if each mission is his last chance to live, but he is getting better. The support and kindness of the people around him is reshaping him, making him into what he thinks is a better person. Someone who can be strong and happy, as miraculous as it might be.
Killing Sukuna probably isn't the same as killing a person, Yuji rationalises: it's like killing Mahito. Killing curses is his role, his reason for existing now. Kill Sukuna, save his friend. It's what keeps him going.
Rubbing his face, he nods. ]
I know. I'm gonna use this feeling to get stronger, and this time I'll rip his heart out.
no subject
Date: 4/27/24 22:51 (UTC)[He says he's learning, Bakugo knows he's learning, and yet sometimes, there comes a big reminder it's still very much a work in progress. As much as he gets irritated at Yuji's habits, there are aspects of them he's having to accept himself. Changing the jujutsu sorcerer isn't going to happen. Those thoughts and feelings are too ingrained. And yet, even someone as stubborn as Bakugo changed with people's influence. Maturing from the arrogant, selfish, egotistical abuser to a more heroic, understanding, and somewhat calmer person who actually gives a shit about other people.
It may surprise Yuji to know Bakugo considers the guy a better hero than himself. The same way he holds Izuku in the same regard. Of course, neither can beat out All Might in terms of Bakugo's admiration, so tough shit. All Might forever.
Bakugo accepted the deaths of the Nomu without much problem, since those were more or less monsters, modified corpses brought back to life and stuffed with Quirks and biological science tech to serve as living weapons. Just... not all of those corpses were unknown individuals... and memories don't always disappear. Even in death.]
You sure that'll kill him? You died and came back.
[And one of those deaths was due to heart rip. Bakugo doesn't know that detail, but the question remains.]
no subject
Date: 4/27/24 22:58 (UTC)[ Yuji is certain of himself, intense, angry, his expression tightening for a moment. He's remembering Mahito's moment of death, his speech then, the threat and promise - and he feels the same about Sukuna, feels the same about the monster that has taken so much from him without pause nor hesitation. If he can bring Sukuna's end around, if he can make sure that he's gone forever...
It doesn't matter what the cost or risk it.
Looking back over at Bakugo, realising how intense that sounded, he laughs and shakes his head. ]
Sorry. That was weird.
no subject
Date: 4/27/24 23:09 (UTC)[Which is what Bakugo picked out of the rest of that rant. He understands Yuji's anger and rage, the things he says, the heat of his voice. Feels it in his tone and sees it in the expression on his face. It's an intense focus and promised result, things he accepts about his friend. Though Bakugo won't kill, he knows the feeling, having wanted to kill Shigaraki and All for One pretty damn often in his life since getting involved with them.
But he also doesn't want Yuji to enter some fucked-up loop with the king of curses.]
So what if it's weird. You're like the world's most intense exterminator.
no subject
Date: 4/27/24 23:16 (UTC)Instead, he waves a hand. ]
Those were cursed objects. I think his heart would be different.
[ Managing an awkward little smile, he sighs. ]
I’ve never hated anyone like this before. Not even close.
no subject
Date: 4/27/24 23:25 (UTC)Can't monks mummify their entire bodies, organs and all? [Give him a second.] No, they remove the organs. [Wait.] Shit, that's Egyptian mummies.
[Maybe the heart would be different. He has no clue.]
Oy, Gari Head.
[His tone takes a more serious dip.]
You wanna hate the bastard, fine. But don't get so lost in it, you don't have a reason to live once he's dead.
[He would hate to see Yuji end up like Todoroki Toya...]
no subject
Date: 4/28/24 10:48 (UTC)[ Even if 'everyone left' is just himself, Choso, Yuta, Maki, Miwa and Kusakabe-sensei. The list isn't huge, but... They'll be able to make it work, surely? They're the people fighting for 'good', and while Yuji might not believe in all of that right now... He wants to hope that them working together will get them the outcome they want.
Glancing back up at Bakugo, he smiles weakly. ]
That's not my reason for living. My reason for living is to make sure that Megumi is safe.
[ To save him, to bring him back, to get rid of Sukuna... All for Megumi. ]
no subject
Date: 4/28/24 17:12 (UTC)[It's good to know that Yuji has friends who are able to help him. Though some are gone to death, some are out of the fight, knowing their legacies and future assistance remain is a heartening fact. All Might was gone, unable to take out All for One alone like he had those two times before... and none of the heroes left could ever be All Might. But together, they could surpass him, and end All for One for good.
Bakugo watches the other boy for a few seconds. After what Yuji said before, it would seem doubtful, and yet, he trusts him. Because he knows what it's like to live for someone you care about.]
That's a good reason to live.
no subject
Date: 4/28/24 17:57 (UTC)[ There are some friends, of course, that he's lost along the way, but he'll fight to keep their memories alive. Kugiskai, Gojo-sensei, Nanamin, Higuruma-san... All people that he carries in his heart, even if he might never see them again once he goes home. That's the sort of thing that's going to keep him going, because without it he's going to fall apart completely.
He has people here, now, too - Raidou, Bakugo, March, Wriothesley, so many people that are becoming more and more important to him as the days go by. He's not going to let go of their memories either. ]
... Don't tell him about it. Please.
no subject
Date: 4/28/24 18:12 (UTC)Sukuna switched bodies; he's in Fushiguro now.
[It's a quiet comment, but the weight of it is impossible to miss. No wonder Yuji feels so much guilt over what happened. He took on a burden he didn't know, was tasked with completing this mission and cap it at the end with his death, and despite proceeding towards that end with resolve and acceptance of his task, was taken for a joy ride by a sadistic bastard before said bastard abandoned him and embedded himself into Yuji's best friend.
It's one thing to fight yourself; it's another thing to fight someone you care about. It's one thing to kill yourself without as much guilt; its another to know you might have to kill your best friend for "the better" of the world.
All because you weren't strong enough...]
I don't talk about other people's secrets.
no subject
Date: 4/28/24 18:25 (UTC)[ There's an awkwardness to it, and standing in the middle of the halls to discuss it is a little weird, but there's no one else around. Yuji doesn't want to walk back to Bakugo's room, not when it's his birthday, and they're supposed to be going out to make sure he has a good time and enjoys a movie... Right now, all he's doing is making the day more sad. Maybe this is a little gift in itself, though: letting Bakugo see more of his heart. Showing how much he trusts his friend.
Taking a deep breath in, Yuji shakes his head. ]
I made a Binding Vow with Sukuna - a contract, using cursed energy. In exchange for him bringing me back to life, he'd be able to take control of my body for one minute using a key word, as long as he didn't hurt anyone. I guess when I made it... I didn't consider myself important enough to be 'anyone'.
[ Which meant, in the end, Sukuna could bite his finger off and force-feed it to Megumi. Transfer hosts. Yuji explains this to Bakugo in bleak, quiet tones. ]
I know we can save him, that... We can stop Sukuna from controlling him forever. I know I can punch the point between their souls if I try hard enough. So that's why I ate the Death Paintings, that's why I trained so hard with Kusakabe-sensei, that's why I know I have to get back home eventually. I can't let Megumi suffer in there forever, not if I can do something to save him.
no subject
Date: 4/28/24 19:06 (UTC)until he couldn't handle it any further. If it's like that with Yuji, then Bakugo would much rather be there for him and let him finally talk about it than sit in front of a screen and pound it back even further once again.
The fact Yuji trusts him enough to let him see the pain in his heart means a lot.
He listens quietly, taking note of everything the sorcerer is saying. It's hard to imagine Yuji would make a vow with someone as treacherous as Sukuna. Like making a deal with All for One, the only one who benefits from it in the end, is All for One. Yuji never sounded like he trusted the curse enough to make such a deal, especially if he knew death was one way to stop Sukuna, and certainly displayed an almost reckless disregard for his own life. Why the hell would he make a vow?
Unless he was forced or tricked into making it... Bakugo can see that happening, but he keeps it to himself as Yuji reveals how the transfer happened. There's a brief moment of motion as Bakugo silently takes one of Yuji's hands in his own, letting the touch rest at their hips without any attention drawn to it. What is it with fingers in this world?
Shigaraki would be thrilled. Fucking finger fanatic...
By now, he can easily accept the "sorcerer talk" about how to save Megumi, preparing for the fight, and other references. It explains so much of what Yuji's pressured by, and why the return to home is important. Which only makes Bakugo's determination to get everyone back home burn even more. It's a lot to take in even quick summarized like that.]
You will get back home. [He'll make sure of it as best he can.] And I won't stop believing you can win. It would be easier if you'd all focus on killing Sukuna... but you're taking the harder path to save Fushiguro. Many wouldn't. [Because it's something a hero would do.] You're one of the strongest people I know, Itadori.
And I still trust your choices. You did everything you could, with the best intentions. Even when they got fucked up. [He squeezes Yuji's hands.] You might think these are bloody, but I think they're as clean as your heart.
[And he'll tell him that as many times as he needs to.]
no subject
Date: 4/28/24 19:36 (UTC)It's Bakugo's birthday, so Yuji should be taking care of him - it's an echo in his mind as he forces himself to breathe in and out. How many people know about his future now? Gojo-sensei, Choso... And Bakugo. He hasn't even admitted it all to Raidou, fearing that his partner will see what happened and judge him, won't want to touch him or be around him any more, and that's not something he can handle. He trusts Raidou, but who would want to love a boy who ate his own brothers for survival?
Emotions bubble up inside of him, impossible to ignore or shove aside, because Bakugo is being so kind to him. For someone who has a reputation for being loud, and shouting, and brash, the softness and gentle way he is speaking to Yuji now feels too much like something undeserved. He should learn to keep his mouth shut, to stop talking about things, because all he does is drag Bakugo into his own sadness and his own grief, causing more and more pain, passing on his burdens.
Doesn't he deserve to carry these things alone, with all the things he's done?
Breathing out a shuddering noise, he blinks back tears even as he tries to focus, to turn his hands to squeeze his friend's fingers back gently. He might not think he deserve this, is worth this kind of consideration and affection from Bakugo, but he knows voicing it will just get him into trouble. He'll get scolded instead, or chased around, and that would ruin this moment between them, making him feel even worse. What an awful birthday gift he's given his friend.
Lifting his head, he blinks, tired. Sad. ]
You shouldn't trust me at all. All the people I get close to end up getting hurt or dying. I'm probably some kind of bad omen now...
[ Love is the most twisted curse of all, after all. ]
I want to be the person you believe I am. I don't know if I'm ready to believe it myself yet. Sorry, Katsuki.
[ Is this the first time he's used Bakugo's name? It seems so, but the moment felt right. 'Dandelion' is special, Bakugo for those softer moments, but this... This felt like a moment to bare himself completely, to show the depth of his affection. Bakugo has earned his place amongst the people that Yuji loves most, an unshakable bond that he would fight and die for. ]
no subject
Date: 4/28/24 20:18 (UTC)It reminds him of something that Uraraka once said. Heroes are always helping other people who suffer. But who helps the heroes when they're suffering? Yuji tries to help so many people, listening to them, encouraging them, protecting them, sacrificing for them, hurting for them. And he usually doesn't like to dwell on his own burdens and pains. The fact he's letting Bakugo help him right now... It's convoluted, but it's a gift in its own way. (Bakugo also trusts Raidou to continue liking Yuji even if he learns these facts, but that's for Raidou and Yuji to work out between them.)
That's the thing about heroes. Heroes stick their noses in business that isn't theirs. A house falling off a cliff. Not their business, but they're there to help. A robbery in a store. Not their store, not their products, but they're there to help. A villain threatening to blow up a city block. Not technically their business, but they're there to help. A cat in a tree, not their business, but they're there.
A young man who holds himself up despite the sadness and grief of his own burden. Not his business... but he's here to help. Reaching out a hand for the lost and weary to take, so he can help support their burdens. Because he's a hero.
You don't have to do this alone. Why? Because I'm here.
It doesn't matter that it's heavy. It doesn't matter that it hurts. That it's sad. It's hard. It matters because it's alone. And for Bakugo, it matters because this is Itadori Yuji. This is his friend. He laces his fingers in Yuji's and holds on tight, silently promising not to go anywhere, not to give up on him.
Even if Yuji doesn't think he deserves this or is worth this... Well, this is one of the times where Bakugo doesn't give a shit what Yuji thinks. He'll be selfish about this all he fucking wants.
So much fear, so much pain, so must disbelief in his own self. Bakugo hates how much damage has been done to Yuji. To someone he cares about. Why can't Yuji see how much good he's done? ... Well, he knows the answer to that. Right now, it's bleak. Of course he'd think himself a bad omen because he's in the middle of a war. Because people target him.
Izuku ran away from all of them, thinking the exact same thing. He would only hurt his friends if he stayed near them. He'd rather be alone, deal with his own burdens alone, face the war alone... It's protection, it's love, it's insane.]
Urusei.
[This time, it's no handhold. Katsuki pulls Yuji's arm to draw him over and promptly embraces him. One arm wrapped around the sorcerer's shoulders, the other gently holding the back of his head to keep him close. Trapping them in a tiny little world where his words can come softly and meant only for Yuji.]
I don't care what you believe about yourself in this. To me, you're a hero. Everyone who got close to you did it because they like you, trust you, believe in you, and care for you. You've saved people, you're fighting to protect even more, there are things only you can do. You're a good person, not some omen.
You don't have to be ready to believe it yet. [Hurt comes. Death comes. Katsuki curls his fingers in Yuji's hair.] I'll do it for both of us.
[One of his teachers died too. Others have been maimed. Others forced to retire. Heroes have died and been hurt, his classmates almost expelled for trying to help him, his greatest idol burning out the last embers of his power just to protect him... Katsuki felt like trash, still feels the weight of that guilt, and hates himself for it. But he knows each of those actions came about because everyone believed in something better in the future.
He can't let Yuji fall. Not even to himself.] I trust your heart's unwavering. So don't apologize, Yuji.
[It's fine. The affection and bond are reflected in the same. A quiet acceptance of that elevation. Just as Yuji's ready to fight and die for him, Katsuki would do the same. Though damn if he wouldn't exhaust ever available option to make sure they both stay alive. If his life serves as living proof that Yuji's not a bad omen, that's a fucking good life.]
no subject
Date: 4/28/24 20:55 (UTC)There are people that believe in him, of course. He can list them, think of their smiles and their faces, the way they'd left him with their hopes and dreams in his hands, from 'you've got it from here' to the final connection between two people, his and Higuruma-san's gazes finally meeting for the first time right before Sukuna came for him. Yuji knows how it feels to be believed in, just as he knows how it feels to let those people down.
Bakugo's arms around him feel like floating in the ocean, like suddenly that weight is lifted. There's always been a comfort in a hand in his hair (Megumi does it, and Raidou does too, and sometime Nanamin or Gojo-sensei would ruffle his hair) and it soothes him, even as he breaks a little more, the tears flooding his face even as he tries to blink them away. Gojo-sensei is right to call him a crybaby: it seems like that's all he does, even now, in the middle of the corridor, emotions too intense to disappear.
There are things only he can do, and right now that is his focus. To get stronger, to fight, to have his body learn techniques here that he can try and take back with him, to grow stronger and braver and better, so that no one else has to die. The world has taken enough from them, and Yuji wants to stand between Sukuna and what little love he has left and make sure that the only cost is his own. No one else will ever have to feel the grief and pain that he's felt for so, so many more months.
Slowly, as if afraid of falling to pieces in Bakugo's arms, he turns and presses his face into his friend's neck, and he lets himself cry. Just a little. Bakugo can hold him, can carry this burden, just for a few minutes. His dandelion is strong enough for that, and Yuji would never suggest otherwise. ]
That's all I wanted to do. I wanted to help people. To be strong, and be good, and die surrounded by people who loved me. I started out wanting to die without regrets, to never regret how I lived, but I... I can't do that any more.
[ A hand curls into his hair and Yuji sobs, slumping against Bakugo, trusting his friend to catch him. He knows Bakugo will, too, a belief that's ingrained in him, a trust so real that it feels as though he can hold it in his shaky hands and press it against his chest, to hold onto it with a grip so solid it would leave marks.
His hands grip at the back of his friend's shirt, his eyes, damp, stain his neck, the collar of his shirt, but Yuji can't help but hold on. He's been keeping himself together for weeks, but even he isn't strong enough to ignore all of his pain forever. ]
Please believe in me. Don't give up on me, Katsuki. I'll be good enough, I'll be strong enough... I want to come back to you and tell you that I did it. So wait for me, okay? I'll show you that your faith wasn't misplaced. That I'll... I'll do the best that I can.
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Date: 4/28/24 21:34 (UTC)He remembers Izuku likewise, falling into his arms and crying after everyone in 1-A came for him to save him from himself. Everything they said finally leading to the hero breaking down in his childhood friend's arms after Katsuki reaffirmed Izuku's path and choices, admitted his own complicate complexes towards the other boy, then apologized to him for everything he'd done to Izuku.
People are strong, heroes are strong, but they're still people. They break when they fall, they hurt when they're injured, and trying to weather something alone for too long only wears them down. Suffering certainly can help you grow when you overcome it, but it doesn't make you stronger by itself. You shouldn't wish it on anyone either... Not as an excuse to get stronger at least.
His chest clenches as Yuji holds onto him. It means so much to him the other boy listened to him, trusted Katsuki to hear him out. They clash on many things, but agree on many others. Someday, he'll be the one holding onto Yuji... He remembers when All Might hugged him after that fight with Izuku. A hand in his hair felt like such a comfort, hiding his shame and sadness for a little while so he could record. It really did feel like letting someone else handle that burden for a while so his soul and mind could vent all the emotions piled up inside. Katsuki gently caresses through Yuji's hair, fingertips grazing his scalp, wanting to continue offering that respite.
Izuku and Yuji are both crybabies...
When their classmate left and their school went into lockdown as the second war approached, Katsuki threw himself into training. To get stronger, to fight, to improve so he could save as many people as possible once the war broke open. Like Yuji, there are things only he can do. He doesn't want anyone else to die on his watch either. Hero or villain. There's enough loss and pain in the world already; nothing can improve and get better if everyone's dead. Katsuki is willing to die to protect... but he's doggedly determined that no one will have to pay that cost. Including himself.
Listening to and feeling Yuji break down in his arms, Katsuki rests his head against the other boy's own, cheek to his hair and arms giving the occasional squeeze. Tears wet his neck and collar, but it's fine. He holds that burden for a little while. It's so very heavy... and his ginger is so very strong. It's not fair that this world would bring them together and not let them help each other once they finished helping this one. He wants so badly to go back with Yuji and protect him, help him, and it hurts to know that he can't. Somehow... he hopes his words will stay, that Yuji's support will also engrave itself on Katsuki's body, so he can take some of his friend back home with him.]
It's nice to say, but it's impossible. We all have regrets. [Mirko said something similar about living with no regrets, ever day like it was her last... but even she had regrets, failing to kill Shigaraki before the monster awoke and unleashed hell on Japan. She was the only one close enough to do that... and she failed.] But we can make sure our happiness and successes outweigh our regrets. You can still live that way.
[Helpful. Strong. Good. Loved. Regrets don't have to clog up life and drag someone down. Katsuki braces a bit when Yuji drops his weight on him and supports his friend without fail. Holding him close in a safe catch. He wishes he could take all of Yuji's negatives and make them vanish. Such a stupid wish, but it's true. Just like Yuji would probably wish as well. So he holds him, feels the strength in the sorcerer's heart beating strong. This is a friendship he'll protect and cherish. A support he won't ever take for granted. Even as his shirt drags in Yuji's fingers, his collar dampens from hot tears, Katsuki holds on. This precious, fractured person he refuses to let go of.]
Aa. I won't ever give up on you. I know you'll win. And when we meet again, I'll hear all about it. [He'll believe in him, he'll wait for him, he'll keep his faith, knowing Yuji's best will come out. Yuji's promise to return, to prove his life, hits home a lot harder than he might think. Katsuki rests his mouth against the other boy's head, breathing quietly as a number of feelings run through.] I'm with you. Always.
i'm going to fight you "his ginger" MY HEART!! this thread!!
From:fight me! if he gets to say "his dandelion" then "his ginger" happens! damn onion ninja.
From:me vibrating all day at work to reply to this
From:spills it all over this tag
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