Bakugō Katsuki (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
blastedass) wrote2020-08-08 04:37 pm
blastedass) wrote2020-08-08 04:37 pm
⚔️ Synflux Inbox
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Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight
✖
[ Only half a base away in the medical bay, something shifts in the grey matter of a boy on an operating table and Choso gags in response to the phantom sensation that crackles through his veins like electricity as something presses against his shoulder, a bare spot of shirt that hasn't been completely soaked through. It takes a moment, but it occurs to him that this is, in fact, a real sensation, a real touch. Someone is here.
From within the bloody mask of his face, something shifts, and Choso's eyes (identical to Yuji's in colour and striation) open to dart, drifting unmoored for a moment before latching onto the figure kneeling nearby. ]
Bhakhhgoh.
[ Blood seeps when he speaks, like it's been pooling there in drips and drops from the sheet shining slick and wet on his face. However long this has been going on, there is not a drop of blood here that has dried in any form yet, not a drop that has coagulated.
Is this all his?
For one brief moment, things seem stable. The blood in the air slows, the splashes on the wall begin to ooze down from where they had clung against the wall panels like living things. Bakugo Katsuki is here. Everything would be fine. That the young hero had no say over a medical procedure several walls away doesn't occur to Choso at all, matters so little it isn't worth considering.
His head lifts, hands pulling away from the mop of his hair. ]
He'sh nhot dhone yhet.
From within the bloody mask of his face, something shifts, and Choso's eyes (identical to Yuji's in colour and striation) open to dart, drifting unmoored for a moment before latching onto the figure kneeling nearby. ]
Bhakhhgoh.
[ Blood seeps when he speaks, like it's been pooling there in drips and drops from the sheet shining slick and wet on his face. However long this has been going on, there is not a drop of blood here that has dried in any form yet, not a drop that has coagulated.
Is this all his?
For one brief moment, things seem stable. The blood in the air slows, the splashes on the wall begin to ooze down from where they had clung against the wall panels like living things. Bakugo Katsuki is here. Everything would be fine. That the young hero had no say over a medical procedure several walls away doesn't occur to Choso at all, matters so little it isn't worth considering.
His head lifts, hands pulling away from the mop of his hair. ]
He'sh nhot dhone yhet.
fight me! if he gets to say "his dandelion" then "his ginger" happens! damn onion ninja.
blastedass
2024-04-28 11:03 pm (UTC)(link)
[That's the very sensation he wants to convey. A hero gives hope and strength. A hero's presence should give every person around them the feeling of "I can get through this" - the symbol of peace and hope.
Katsuki understands the weight of this information passed onto him. A secret, a sorrowful update of Yuji's world and life. It's not his information to pass around and not a shred of it will fall from his lips to anyone other than Yuji himself if they talk about it. But it contextualizes so much of his friend's suffering and the onus behind his guilt and drive going forward. Katsuki doesn't like to discuss his failures either, but after this... he'll probably open up more to Yuji about his own life. Another time. Right now, this is helping Yuji.
Like lancing a wound, it hurts, it looks disgusting, it feels worse, but it drains the bad out to give more room to heal. He would never suggest Yuji avoid his failures or run from them, but rather confront them and conquer them. The problem with Yuji's bloody hands is the circumstances of that blood. Katsuki doesn't think for a second that the sorcerer willingly stepped up with murder and sadism in his heart and eyes to slaughter a human without remorse. Even when Hawks killed Twice, it came at the the end, all doubt and options exhausted, with the final decision being "one man" versus "thousands of innocent lives" - and even that has weighed on the winged hero's heart since then.
Katsuki won't believe Yuji's guilt, even if the sorcerer himself says he's guilty. It's not up to the blonde whether Yuji forgives himself, however, but he'll damn well encourage him to. While hypocritically being unable to forgive himself for his horrible treatment of Izuku all those years and his own hand in ending All Might's era. Factually, Yuji is innocent of the death... but no one can convince his internal judge when his internal jury has already passed "Guilty" as verdict. Izuku's the same way, talking blame, guilt, and responsibility for things that are outside his control. Both of these heroes are insane like that, something Katsuki has to grit his teeth and accept. Can't argue with crazy.
But he will argue Yuji's treatment of himself if he can. Even if it comes in the form of holding him tight while the sorcerer beats himself up inside. Their worlds are extremely different, as Nanami revealed when he and Katsuki clashed over the sorcerer society structure versus the hero society build. Difference in size, teaching, expectations, good, bad, presence, goals. Yuji's treatment at the hands of the society he was just trying to help pissed Katsuki off to no end.
And yet, he'll continue to challenge Yuji not to fight out of the sorrow of his past regrets, but out of the hope for a world and himself that is strong enough and healthy enough not to let those regrets happen again. Perhaps it's the difference between sorcerers who fight in the darkness while heroes have always fought in the light. Regardless, Katsuki won't stop encouraging Yuji to not fall into his own grief and pain. It's there... but it doesn't have to be his fuel.
From people he's talked to, Yuji brings that sensation of safety and light when he's around them. Those who know him better have to accept he needs some... looking out for as well. Katsuki's aware of his heroic friends' mindsets thinking hurting someone can range anywhere from stabbing them in the gut to mildly inconveniencing them.
Yuji's a handful, but a handful Katsuki will keep close to his chest as long as he can, protect, encouraged, cherished, and fussed over. Another shiver and he gathers him in close again, squeezing the opposite shoulder and resting his cheek atop his head. It hurts, but... he's only human. Katsuki knew the pain of death in exchange for life. He'd felt it when he blitzed in front of Izuku and took the fatal blow without even thinking. Felt it again right before Shigaraki punched him in the chest and blew Katsuki's heart to pieces. Each time, he did it to protect. A hero's willing to sacrifice.
... but he doesn't want Yuji to die. It's selfish, simple, and sincere. If even the faintest vestige of himself can survive long enough in his friend's soul to make him change from a fatal rush to a death-defying miracle, that'll be enough for him. There has to be a way to save. He can't give up believing in that. In Yuji.
It's not the tears that are a gift, but the trust enough to let them flow. Katsuki can't squeeze them all out, but he can soak them up and help wipe them away as they go. He feels a silent sense of relief himself that Yuji can address his pain and sadness. The fake smiles, the promises of "I'm fine", pushing himself to swallow it day after day... Punching through that and reaching out for the sad boy inside, even if just for a short while, is a gift. Holding Yuji's hand and feeling his fingers curl around his own for support is a gift.
Katsuki treasures this boy too. And while he trusts Yuji with his life as well and cares about him enough to die for him... how much more meaningful is it to live for him? It's like Izuku's mother said to All Might about Izuku. "Don't give up your life for him. Live properly so you can continue to help him." Being willing to give it all up isn't bad. But Katsuki doesn't want that to be so eagerly offered... by anyone.
He gazes at the wall behind them over top Yuji's head, letting him grip onto him as he stands firm. He won't let go. He won't let him fall. No pit will have Yuji as long as he lives. Katsuki's a silly, stupid teenager as well, who struggles with weakness, who has regrets, who cries in private, even if extremely rare. But he's come to learn he can't handle it all on his own. He's just a boy. Growing into a hero.]
Thank you. [It may be strange to thank someone for promising to live, but between them, it should mean a lot. Fight to live, Yuji. Be ready to die, but fight as hard as fuck to live. If Yuji can promise him that, Katsuki won't ask him for anything else. He never got to be there when Midnight-sensei died. He wasn't there when Sir Nighteye passed away. But he was there when All Might's era came to an end... Dying to save someone is honorable. But he would rather save them alive and smile at them later during recovery. It's one of the issues he has with Yuji and Izuku. Don't glorify your death. Don't die for someone. Live for them. Save them, and yourself, and live. If at all possible.
But he won't say those things to Yuji right now. Another time and place. Katsuki lowers his eyes and closes them as he nuzzles against Yuji's head. Quiet, comforting, gently rubbing his hair again.]
Aa. We'll win. And we'll come back here. [One way or another.] Tch, baka. I've had a lot of fun with you already, Yuji. Besides, [He feels a small smile curve the corner of his mouth, probably Yuji feels it too on his head.] You'll cry anyways when we meet again, cause you're happy.
Katsuki understands the weight of this information passed onto him. A secret, a sorrowful update of Yuji's world and life. It's not his information to pass around and not a shred of it will fall from his lips to anyone other than Yuji himself if they talk about it. But it contextualizes so much of his friend's suffering and the onus behind his guilt and drive going forward. Katsuki doesn't like to discuss his failures either, but after this... he'll probably open up more to Yuji about his own life. Another time. Right now, this is helping Yuji.
Like lancing a wound, it hurts, it looks disgusting, it feels worse, but it drains the bad out to give more room to heal. He would never suggest Yuji avoid his failures or run from them, but rather confront them and conquer them. The problem with Yuji's bloody hands is the circumstances of that blood. Katsuki doesn't think for a second that the sorcerer willingly stepped up with murder and sadism in his heart and eyes to slaughter a human without remorse. Even when Hawks killed Twice, it came at the the end, all doubt and options exhausted, with the final decision being "one man" versus "thousands of innocent lives" - and even that has weighed on the winged hero's heart since then.
Katsuki won't believe Yuji's guilt, even if the sorcerer himself says he's guilty. It's not up to the blonde whether Yuji forgives himself, however, but he'll damn well encourage him to. While hypocritically being unable to forgive himself for his horrible treatment of Izuku all those years and his own hand in ending All Might's era. Factually, Yuji is innocent of the death... but no one can convince his internal judge when his internal jury has already passed "Guilty" as verdict. Izuku's the same way, talking blame, guilt, and responsibility for things that are outside his control. Both of these heroes are insane like that, something Katsuki has to grit his teeth and accept. Can't argue with crazy.
But he will argue Yuji's treatment of himself if he can. Even if it comes in the form of holding him tight while the sorcerer beats himself up inside. Their worlds are extremely different, as Nanami revealed when he and Katsuki clashed over the sorcerer society structure versus the hero society build. Difference in size, teaching, expectations, good, bad, presence, goals. Yuji's treatment at the hands of the society he was just trying to help pissed Katsuki off to no end.
And yet, he'll continue to challenge Yuji not to fight out of the sorrow of his past regrets, but out of the hope for a world and himself that is strong enough and healthy enough not to let those regrets happen again. Perhaps it's the difference between sorcerers who fight in the darkness while heroes have always fought in the light. Regardless, Katsuki won't stop encouraging Yuji to not fall into his own grief and pain. It's there... but it doesn't have to be his fuel.
From people he's talked to, Yuji brings that sensation of safety and light when he's around them. Those who know him better have to accept he needs some... looking out for as well. Katsuki's aware of his heroic friends' mindsets thinking hurting someone can range anywhere from stabbing them in the gut to mildly inconveniencing them.
Yuji's a handful, but a handful Katsuki will keep close to his chest as long as he can, protect, encouraged, cherished, and fussed over. Another shiver and he gathers him in close again, squeezing the opposite shoulder and resting his cheek atop his head. It hurts, but... he's only human. Katsuki knew the pain of death in exchange for life. He'd felt it when he blitzed in front of Izuku and took the fatal blow without even thinking. Felt it again right before Shigaraki punched him in the chest and blew Katsuki's heart to pieces. Each time, he did it to protect. A hero's willing to sacrifice.
... but he doesn't want Yuji to die. It's selfish, simple, and sincere. If even the faintest vestige of himself can survive long enough in his friend's soul to make him change from a fatal rush to a death-defying miracle, that'll be enough for him. There has to be a way to save. He can't give up believing in that. In Yuji.
It's not the tears that are a gift, but the trust enough to let them flow. Katsuki can't squeeze them all out, but he can soak them up and help wipe them away as they go. He feels a silent sense of relief himself that Yuji can address his pain and sadness. The fake smiles, the promises of "I'm fine", pushing himself to swallow it day after day... Punching through that and reaching out for the sad boy inside, even if just for a short while, is a gift. Holding Yuji's hand and feeling his fingers curl around his own for support is a gift.
Katsuki treasures this boy too. And while he trusts Yuji with his life as well and cares about him enough to die for him... how much more meaningful is it to live for him? It's like Izuku's mother said to All Might about Izuku. "Don't give up your life for him. Live properly so you can continue to help him." Being willing to give it all up isn't bad. But Katsuki doesn't want that to be so eagerly offered... by anyone.
He gazes at the wall behind them over top Yuji's head, letting him grip onto him as he stands firm. He won't let go. He won't let him fall. No pit will have Yuji as long as he lives. Katsuki's a silly, stupid teenager as well, who struggles with weakness, who has regrets, who cries in private, even if extremely rare. But he's come to learn he can't handle it all on his own. He's just a boy. Growing into a hero.]
Thank you. [It may be strange to thank someone for promising to live, but between them, it should mean a lot. Fight to live, Yuji. Be ready to die, but fight as hard as fuck to live. If Yuji can promise him that, Katsuki won't ask him for anything else. He never got to be there when Midnight-sensei died. He wasn't there when Sir Nighteye passed away. But he was there when All Might's era came to an end... Dying to save someone is honorable. But he would rather save them alive and smile at them later during recovery. It's one of the issues he has with Yuji and Izuku. Don't glorify your death. Don't die for someone. Live for them. Save them, and yourself, and live. If at all possible.
But he won't say those things to Yuji right now. Another time and place. Katsuki lowers his eyes and closes them as he nuzzles against Yuji's head. Quiet, comforting, gently rubbing his hair again.]
Aa. We'll win. And we'll come back here. [One way or another.] Tch, baka. I've had a lot of fun with you already, Yuji. Besides, [He feels a small smile curve the corner of his mouth, probably Yuji feels it too on his head.] You'll cry anyways when we meet again, cause you're happy.
[Bakugo's gonna murder both of these idiots once he finds out what's going on. And they recover. But right now, all he sees is Choso convulsing, grabbing his head, and putting blood all over the fucking room. He hears that wretched gag and tightens his hand on the man's shoulder. Fuck, he's not entirely worried about blood loss, thanks to what he learned about the technique, but there's something obviously very wrong right now.
He tenses at the sudden show of eyes he recognizes immediately. Did Choso always have Yuji's eyes or were they just so different thanks to the hanging bangs, nose bridge tattoo, and "natural" eye shadow that he hadn't noticed?
Ugh, sounds like his name just got puked out of Choso's mouth. With the amount of blood, it probably was.
With the blood stopping its strange movements, Bakugo has a split second to make a decision. He does. Grabs for the sheets on the bed and hauls them around Choso, one layer after another.]
Don't move. Stop fucking talking. Just focus on the sound of my voice.
[Should he take him to the medical room? Fuck, that's a long way away. He can make out what Choso's saying. Yuji's in surgery, another implant, he's not done yet... Shit, does this mean there's some kind of link between the two that has Choso reacting to what's going on with Yuji?]
Hold on. Replace you blood. Keep doing that.
[With Choso wrapped up in "clean" bedding, mostly just trying to cover the man's blood-soaked body and garments, Bakugo hauls him up like a weird caterpillar.]
I'm taking you to the bathroom to wash off.
[That'll keep this room from getting wrecked further, there's a shower and bath in there to contain the blood, he can keep Choso warm or cool as needed, and it's a lot easier to clean up afterward. Plus water.]
Do you want me to call a medic?
[He's not expecting an answer, just wants to keep talking to Choso can focus on his voice and not go back into trance land. Bakugo's doing all of this while being mindful of the blood, trying not to get it on himself in the process.]
He tenses at the sudden show of eyes he recognizes immediately. Did Choso always have Yuji's eyes or were they just so different thanks to the hanging bangs, nose bridge tattoo, and "natural" eye shadow that he hadn't noticed?
Ugh, sounds like his name just got puked out of Choso's mouth. With the amount of blood, it probably was.
With the blood stopping its strange movements, Bakugo has a split second to make a decision. He does. Grabs for the sheets on the bed and hauls them around Choso, one layer after another.]
Don't move. Stop fucking talking. Just focus on the sound of my voice.
[Should he take him to the medical room? Fuck, that's a long way away. He can make out what Choso's saying. Yuji's in surgery, another implant, he's not done yet... Shit, does this mean there's some kind of link between the two that has Choso reacting to what's going on with Yuji?]
Hold on. Replace you blood. Keep doing that.
[With Choso wrapped up in "clean" bedding, mostly just trying to cover the man's blood-soaked body and garments, Bakugo hauls him up like a weird caterpillar.]
I'm taking you to the bathroom to wash off.
[That'll keep this room from getting wrecked further, there's a shower and bath in there to contain the blood, he can keep Choso warm or cool as needed, and it's a lot easier to clean up afterward. Plus water.]
Do you want me to call a medic?
[He's not expecting an answer, just wants to keep talking to Choso can focus on his voice and not go back into trance land. Bakugo's doing all of this while being mindful of the blood, trying not to get it on himself in the process.]
[That's an easy question to at least answer and Shoto does answer it timely.]
The other day, when I had time, I went on the subway and rode it from end to end. I'm sure other people would get off and that would be more normal, but I felt like I needed to see all the stops. When I'm more established, I'd like to go shopping or find a gym that's public, not semi-private like at UA or private entirely like at home. I may even see if there are sports teams here. Maybe I will learn to swim better or I can put my running techniques to good use on a track team. I may even go to a bookstore.
The other day, when I had time, I went on the subway and rode it from end to end. I'm sure other people would get off and that would be more normal, but I felt like I needed to see all the stops. When I'm more established, I'd like to go shopping or find a gym that's public, not semi-private like at UA or private entirely like at home. I may even see if there are sports teams here. Maybe I will learn to swim better or I can put my running techniques to good use on a track team. I may even go to a bookstore.
[Guess he set himself up for the paragraph that comes.]
You probably got stared at for just riding the subway.
If you want to joint a sports team, you'd be better off looking at the schools. The other teams are already established as pros.
Why do you want a public gym?
You probably got stared at for just riding the subway.
If you want to joint a sports team, you'd be better off looking at the schools. The other teams are already established as pros.
Why do you want a public gym?
People always stare at me, so yes.
Maybe that, too. We're still school age. Maybe I'll see if they have schools. Isn't it normal to go to school?
I could meet people with fitness interests. Maybe I'll meet someone you'd like, too. You're a likeable person.
Maybe that, too. We're still school age. Maybe I'll see if they have schools. Isn't it normal to go to school?
I could meet people with fitness interests. Maybe I'll meet someone you'd like, too. You're a likeable person.
[ He ought to assure Bakugo, tell him it'll be fine, it's just a surgery, routine, entirely experimental, unanaesthetized, entirely fine, bro. He ought to be doing a lot of things right now, but somewhere in between trying to keep calm about the situation and following each lurch in his veins in response, he'd lost track of the time, of himself, of the blood bubbling around him in copious reply. When Choso blinks, it seems to be in puzzlement as he takes in the blood on the walls, in his field of vision, the slow-churning storm around them.
Bakugo works fast. Before the thought can even spark that this might not be an ideal place to be, the hero's voice cuts through the gurgle and the bubbling and the rapids-rush of the blood in his head, and the blood that had begun to shiver dangerously stops altogether. Don't move. Stop talking. Listen.
So Choso listens. His focus turns inward as Bakugo works, to the rush and the pound in his chest, lets the directive lead the fritzed frayed ends of his focus into the task of replenishing the blood slowly oozing itself out of his face. The stuff on the walls begins to slide, to slip further down and onto the floor like oil on foil, so that by the time he finds himself hauled up like a bulky pack, most of it has begun to pool in a growing, glassy puddle around the room perimeter. To his credit, the path between Bakugo and the door remains clear.
To the bathroom. Running water, the hiss of it overhead. Logically, is that not the best place to be? Pay attention, Choso: Bakugo is asking a question. ]
Nho. No medhickh.
[ What if it interrupts? What if it throws something off, what if it somehow comes back around on Yuji, what if, what if, what if? What if the idea of a LILITH staff member perceiving him right now makes his stomach drop?
Bakugo has already seen him at his worst. ]
Bakugo works fast. Before the thought can even spark that this might not be an ideal place to be, the hero's voice cuts through the gurgle and the bubbling and the rapids-rush of the blood in his head, and the blood that had begun to shiver dangerously stops altogether. Don't move. Stop talking. Listen.
So Choso listens. His focus turns inward as Bakugo works, to the rush and the pound in his chest, lets the directive lead the fritzed frayed ends of his focus into the task of replenishing the blood slowly oozing itself out of his face. The stuff on the walls begins to slide, to slip further down and onto the floor like oil on foil, so that by the time he finds himself hauled up like a bulky pack, most of it has begun to pool in a growing, glassy puddle around the room perimeter. To his credit, the path between Bakugo and the door remains clear.
To the bathroom. Running water, the hiss of it overhead. Logically, is that not the best place to be? Pay attention, Choso: Bakugo is asking a question. ]
Nho. No medhickh.
[ What if it interrupts? What if it throws something off, what if it somehow comes back around on Yuji, what if, what if, what if? What if the idea of a LILITH staff member perceiving him right now makes his stomach drop?
Bakugo has already seen him at his worst. ]
Edited 2024-04-29 02:28 (UTC)
Flick them off.
[They stare because you're pretty.]
Of course it's normal, when you're not in a kaiju war! Ask Shashou about the one he went to.
[Bakugo self-schools since he's working another job.]
You wanna get punched?
[They stare because you're pretty.]
Of course it's normal, when you're not in a kaiju war! Ask Shashou about the one he went to.
[Bakugo self-schools since he's working another job.]
You wanna get punched?
[He knows about the fucking surgeries here. He's seen the results of it on at least three of his companions. He doesn't approve of it either, especially since there are other means of anesthetics. It's another reason he doesn't trust LILITH. Whether Choso's aware of the mess he's made around the room or not, he's still getting his ass taken out of there. Whoever's room this belongs to... is gonna be horrified when they came back. Unless it's Choso's room, though Bakugo knows he stays in Yuji's room. Megumi's? Fuck it.
The smell of burned blood, sugar, and smoke isn't going to make it any more pleasant, but that won't be their problem because they won't be in the damn room much longer. Once Bakugo gets Choso settled, he plans to come back and either leave a note or clean up the room. But that's for later.
Well... at least some of the work's been done, what with the blood around the corners and on the floor now. Gross. This is going to be hell to clean. They might have to get some hazmat extras in here to handle it, unless Choso can remove stains too. Something else for later as he hefts the guy up and heads for the door, staying on the cleared path.
Hopefully Choso will keep his face ducked so the blood goes into the blankets around him rather than dripping all over the ground. If the dorms are laid out like each other, then it won't be hard to get himself and his bundle to the nearest bathroom.]
Are you bleeding out or is your technique being a bitch?
[That's the important part. If it's just his technique, he won't call a medic. But if not... He kicks the bathroom door shut behind them and moves Choso to the tub, settling him in it carefully.]
I'm gonna turn the water on and then clean you up.
The smell of burned blood, sugar, and smoke isn't going to make it any more pleasant, but that won't be their problem because they won't be in the damn room much longer. Once Bakugo gets Choso settled, he plans to come back and either leave a note or clean up the room. But that's for later.
Well... at least some of the work's been done, what with the blood around the corners and on the floor now. Gross. This is going to be hell to clean. They might have to get some hazmat extras in here to handle it, unless Choso can remove stains too. Something else for later as he hefts the guy up and heads for the door, staying on the cleared path.
Hopefully Choso will keep his face ducked so the blood goes into the blankets around him rather than dripping all over the ground. If the dorms are laid out like each other, then it won't be hard to get himself and his bundle to the nearest bathroom.]
Are you bleeding out or is your technique being a bitch?
[That's the important part. If it's just his technique, he won't call a medic. But if not... He kicks the bathroom door shut behind them and moves Choso to the tub, settling him in it carefully.]
I'm gonna turn the water on and then clean you up.
[Shoto doesn't think it's the pretty, he's pretty sure it's the scar.]
It's alright, I'm used to it.
Well... when I'm battling a Kaiju, then I won't go to school. Thank you for the recommendation, I will message them to ask when I've made a concrete decision on what I think is normal.
[Which should be a treat.]
No.
...Should I?
It's alright, I'm used to it.
Well... when I'm battling a Kaiju, then I won't go to school. Thank you for the recommendation, I will message them to ask when I've made a concrete decision on what I think is normal.
[Which should be a treat.]
No.
...Should I?
[He's pretty even with the scar, as the girls in their class continue to prove.]
That's not what I fucking said.
Haa?! Ask him about his school experience so you know what you're getting into! None of this shit is normal! We got fucking kidnapped from our own world, as mercenaries!
[Trying to establish a "normal" life here is... well, probably the ideal so you don't end up going mad, but... Ugh. Bakugo refuses to school here because it feels like "replacing" U.A. and he just can't do that.]
Literal idiot...
That's not what I fucking said.
Haa?! Ask him about his school experience so you know what you're getting into! None of this shit is normal! We got fucking kidnapped from our own world, as mercenaries!
[Trying to establish a "normal" life here is... well, probably the ideal so you don't end up going mad, but... Ugh. Bakugo refuses to school here because it feels like "replacing" U.A. and he just can't do that.]
Literal idiot...
[ Choso makes for an okay burden to haul, given that he hasn't moved an inch since told, but the flipside is that the blood follows them. It oozes in their wake like a belated shadow, long and vast as a grounded pennant, it follows them all the way to the Revelation bathrooms, streams over tile and grout in that oilslick roil so that when Bakugo settles Choso into the tub's polished embrace, he isn't alone for long.
Red pours into the basin like an overflow in reverse. ]
A bitch. [ It is the clearest word he's said all damn day, for being two blessedly short syllables, and it's entirely at odds with the horrorshow of the blood flooding around his bagwormed body into the tub only to gurgle away down the drain.
Gross. But at least it's going somewhere conductive.
At the warning of the water, Choso nods his head, too wrapped up (literally, figuratively, spiritually) to bother with something as frivolous as embarrassment over their respective roles here. His head only bobs toward the sound of that voice, the anchor holding down the world while the phantom echoes of another human's lucid brain surgery sets the waters roiling. Eyes follow Bakugo's familiar figure easily; here shines a simple, implicit trust, a faith in this one entity among the countless many scattered throughout the base. ]
Khhhaygh. [ that was assent in there, somewhere, surely. ]
Red pours into the basin like an overflow in reverse. ]
A bitch. [ It is the clearest word he's said all damn day, for being two blessedly short syllables, and it's entirely at odds with the horrorshow of the blood flooding around his bagwormed body into the tub only to gurgle away down the drain.
Gross. But at least it's going somewhere conductive.
At the warning of the water, Choso nods his head, too wrapped up (literally, figuratively, spiritually) to bother with something as frivolous as embarrassment over their respective roles here. His head only bobs toward the sound of that voice, the anchor holding down the world while the phantom echoes of another human's lucid brain surgery sets the waters roiling. Eyes follow Bakugo's familiar figure easily; here shines a simple, implicit trust, a faith in this one entity among the countless many scattered throughout the base. ]
Khhhaygh. [ that was assent in there, somewhere, surely. ]
[Bakugo can carry a lot despite his size, more with his Quirk, but that's not happening here. Shit. He'd hoped to have that blood all wrapped up in the blankets, but figures the trail following them from the room is less what's coming out of Choso and more what's already come out. Hopefully it's not going to crawl up his fucking backside or something.
It also means he's getting out of the way once Choso's settled in the tub and the blood slithers back in like a damn gummy snake. Then more. Yeah, excuse him for perching on the counter with his hands, legs up, until the blood's back where it wants to bed. Weird shit... Choso's response is clearer than the past ones, but he's happier to hear the blood going down the drain. Once it's not as mobile, Bakugo turns on the water, keeping it small and slow for now so it can warm up first without spraying Choso with a freezing shower. Not that it's shower yet; the faucet's left to pour down into the drain.]
I'm gonna find some gloves.
[As the water warms up, Bakugo ransacks the bathrooms cabinets, sink, closet, and finally finds a box of rubber gloves. That'll have to do. He snaps them on, grabs a bunch of towels from the closet, and then opens the toilet nearby before pouring cleaner and bleach into the commode's bowl. Only then does he check the water and deem it warm.]
Gonna open these. Don't shoot me in the face.
[He starts working on the blankets to peel them open from the front, trying to avoid the blood and using the water to splash onto the man's legs and waist to start washing the blood off.]
I'll wash you off so you can bleed freely.
[This is more than Bakugo would ever say normally, but he has the feeling his voice is keeping Choso grounded, so dictating his moves helps to serve that and keep the man knowledgeable of what he's doing.]
It also means he's getting out of the way once Choso's settled in the tub and the blood slithers back in like a damn gummy snake. Then more. Yeah, excuse him for perching on the counter with his hands, legs up, until the blood's back where it wants to bed. Weird shit... Choso's response is clearer than the past ones, but he's happier to hear the blood going down the drain. Once it's not as mobile, Bakugo turns on the water, keeping it small and slow for now so it can warm up first without spraying Choso with a freezing shower. Not that it's shower yet; the faucet's left to pour down into the drain.]
I'm gonna find some gloves.
[As the water warms up, Bakugo ransacks the bathrooms cabinets, sink, closet, and finally finds a box of rubber gloves. That'll have to do. He snaps them on, grabs a bunch of towels from the closet, and then opens the toilet nearby before pouring cleaner and bleach into the commode's bowl. Only then does he check the water and deem it warm.]
Gonna open these. Don't shoot me in the face.
[He starts working on the blankets to peel them open from the front, trying to avoid the blood and using the water to splash onto the man's legs and waist to start washing the blood off.]
I'll wash you off so you can bleed freely.
[This is more than Bakugo would ever say normally, but he has the feeling his voice is keeping Choso grounded, so dictating his moves helps to serve that and keep the man knowledgeable of what he's doing.]
[Yes the girls.
Though Bakugo can see exactly zero percent of it, Shoto sighs and a small frown comes to his lips. Bakugo has a point, but Shoto really wants to live in some normal fashion, do normal things that he can't at home with a war every second of the day. Hm...]
What do you think I should do, Bakugo? I could ask a stranger, but I trust you and value your opinion. You may not make my decision for me, but hearing what you have to say isn't a small thing for me.
Though Bakugo can see exactly zero percent of it, Shoto sighs and a small frown comes to his lips. Bakugo has a point, but Shoto really wants to live in some normal fashion, do normal things that he can't at home with a war every second of the day. Hm...]
What do you think I should do, Bakugo? I could ask a stranger, but I trust you and value your opinion. You may not make my decision for me, but hearing what you have to say isn't a small thing for me.
[Well the guys too, but they can't have that much in canon outside of Kaminari once or twice commenting on Shoto and Shinso being handsome.
He can't see it, but somehow, he gets the feeling Shoto's doing that minor miffed expression he gets when something's bugging him. And really, why shouldn't he? Getting the chance to do something different, to have a normal life here, of sorts, isn't that a good thing? Technically none of this "counts" to their lives back home, which irritates Bakugo for other reasons. Having a "peaceful" chance at life is...
It makes him think once Shoto asks him.]
Do what you want to do.
[There's another pause before he has to come clean.]
This place pisses me off, but I shouldn't take it out on you.
He can't see it, but somehow, he gets the feeling Shoto's doing that minor miffed expression he gets when something's bugging him. And really, why shouldn't he? Getting the chance to do something different, to have a normal life here, of sorts, isn't that a good thing? Technically none of this "counts" to their lives back home, which irritates Bakugo for other reasons. Having a "peaceful" chance at life is...
It makes him think once Shoto asks him.]
Do what you want to do.
[There's another pause before he has to come clean.]
This place pisses me off, but I shouldn't take it out on you.
[IMAGINE.
Bakugo definitely isn't wrong and he's doubly confused when it's 'do what he wants to do' as an answer. Triple when...]
Is that what you think you were doing just now? Taking it out on me?
Bakugo definitely isn't wrong and he's doubly confused when it's 'do what he wants to do' as an answer. Triple when...]
Is that what you think you were doing just now? Taking it out on me?
Edited 2024-04-29 06:39 (UTC)
[Yeah, he knows Todoroki enough to figure the other boy's going to be confused at the sudden slam-the-breaks sort of answer he just got. Ugh, he fucking hates having to explain himself. Even worse when it's cause he got pissed and actually feels bad about snapping at someone. A rarity.]
Uh-huh.
[And that's that. Moving on.]
I work as a police officer in the city. It's the closest thing I could get to being a hero, and it won't bore the fuck out of me.
But if you want to go to school normally, you should do that. You're right. We have a chance to try new things here.
[And Bakugo shouldn't be trying to dissuade him from it.]
Uh-huh.
[And that's that. Moving on.]
I work as a police officer in the city. It's the closest thing I could get to being a hero, and it won't bore the fuck out of me.
But if you want to go to school normally, you should do that. You're right. We have a chance to try new things here.
[And Bakugo shouldn't be trying to dissuade him from it.]
If you feel like that, you're the only one of the two of us that did. But I won't deny you that it's kind you were willing to remark on it.
[And that's all he's going to say about it. Bakugo never wants to talk about things like this and while Todoroki is open to talking about them, sometimes he'd get his own wall up.]
You did have a point though, Bakugo. It's not like I can't work as I am and then if I decide to go to school I can't go. Or even cut my hours down. I can still do normal things on my days off, otherwise we wouldn't be going out together. If I'm honest, it feels like there's nothing you don't have the answers to. Or at least can give good advice someone can think on.
[And that's all he's going to say about it. Bakugo never wants to talk about things like this and while Todoroki is open to talking about them, sometimes he'd get his own wall up.]
You did have a point though, Bakugo. It's not like I can't work as I am and then if I decide to go to school I can't go. Or even cut my hours down. I can still do normal things on my days off, otherwise we wouldn't be going out together. If I'm honest, it feels like there's nothing you don't have the answers to. Or at least can give good advice someone can think on.
[ he had no idea what was going on through bakugou's mind, yet he had a feeling something was up. sorta. this might be the first time denji sensed the series of questions was following a certain pattern, starting from the living situation with aki to ... loyalty. then again, he did bring it up to begin with, insisting that they both should start fresh, and— it just hit him that was an interesting thing to say.
start what? well, he knew he was starting something, this was a new territory in which he had asked bakugou for permission to share it with him, but it never crossed his mind that his partner was equally inexperienced as well. he didn't know why he thought he was the one falling behind here. it might have to do with the sheer confidence the other boy had in knowing what he wants when he wants it and making sure to fucking get it. it felt like the gap between them was a bit too high; with one side established and secured while the other is clawing up the wall in the hope of keeping up.
truth is: denji kinda loves it.
he loved there were no rules to be followed in this game of courtship, and that's how he perceived it. bakugou is still - not within reach, whether the hero is aware of it or not. which is an odd fucking statement considering how close they are but there's still a barrier that denji is eager to break. it's not a matter of whether the half-devil is ready or not, he's ready ... but is bakugou ready for the baggage that will come along? he still doesn't know anything about denji. nothing profound.
it's not like denji is purposely hiding it— he just wants to enjoy this longer ... before it all breaks apart. he wants to enjoy the way he pulls the other boy into the embrace as they greet each other by the door. the way he did not care if they were still, somewhat, out in the corridor and bakugou's arms were busy carrying his belongings for the sleepover. he wants to enjoy having the motivation to smile the way he is right now, eyes close and cheeks warm; this might be the closest identification to what others call 'happiness'. how are they supposed to share such intimacy if bakugou knew the absolute mess of a creature denji is?
he squeezed, sighing, a little more— he then pulled his head back enough and kissed bakugou on the cheek.
happy birthday, katsuki. for real now. since they're finally alone. ]
start what? well, he knew he was starting something, this was a new territory in which he had asked bakugou for permission to share it with him, but it never crossed his mind that his partner was equally inexperienced as well. he didn't know why he thought he was the one falling behind here. it might have to do with the sheer confidence the other boy had in knowing what he wants when he wants it and making sure to fucking get it. it felt like the gap between them was a bit too high; with one side established and secured while the other is clawing up the wall in the hope of keeping up.
truth is: denji kinda loves it.
he loved there were no rules to be followed in this game of courtship, and that's how he perceived it. bakugou is still - not within reach, whether the hero is aware of it or not. which is an odd fucking statement considering how close they are but there's still a barrier that denji is eager to break. it's not a matter of whether the half-devil is ready or not, he's ready ... but is bakugou ready for the baggage that will come along? he still doesn't know anything about denji. nothing profound.
it's not like denji is purposely hiding it— he just wants to enjoy this longer ... before it all breaks apart. he wants to enjoy the way he pulls the other boy into the embrace as they greet each other by the door. the way he did not care if they were still, somewhat, out in the corridor and bakugou's arms were busy carrying his belongings for the sleepover. he wants to enjoy having the motivation to smile the way he is right now, eyes close and cheeks warm; this might be the closest identification to what others call 'happiness'. how are they supposed to share such intimacy if bakugou knew the absolute mess of a creature denji is?
he squeezed, sighing, a little more— he then pulled his head back enough and kissed bakugou on the cheek.
happy birthday, katsuki. for real now. since they're finally alone. ]
[ Bakugo’s narration reminds Choso to remain present, to stay here in the confines of the tub and to not chase the bloody hare down the dangerous path of his fritzing blood connection.
Don’t shoot him in the face. Doable. Wash off, doable. Bleed freely, more than doable. ]
It’sh ohkay.
[ The blood is tenable, he means; this will pass, he means; no one is in danger, he means, but it’s more words than Choso is prepared to say, more than he has room for in his blood-thick mouth. So he must make do with this pitiful attempt at reassurance, head bowing as if to say, ‘thanks for hosing me off, mister’. ]
Don’t shoot him in the face. Doable. Wash off, doable. Bleed freely, more than doable. ]
It’sh ohkay.
[ The blood is tenable, he means; this will pass, he means; no one is in danger, he means, but it’s more words than Choso is prepared to say, more than he has room for in his blood-thick mouth. So he must make do with this pitiful attempt at reassurance, head bowing as if to say, ‘thanks for hosing me off, mister’. ]
Just say "okay" and be done with it!
[He didn't need an insightful statement of the obvious, dammit! That's just fucking awkward now! They can put it behind them and not bring it up again. Fuck.]
Think about it for a while. If you go to school full time, you can work part time, and vice versa.
Don't gush at me. You could've figured that crap out on your own.
What would you go to school for anyways?
[They all went to school to graduate as heroes. The idea of going to school for a "normal" degree is kind of strange to think about. What degree would he even get? Law enforcement, at the moment...]
[He didn't need an insightful statement of the obvious, dammit! That's just fucking awkward now! They can put it behind them and not bring it up again. Fuck.]
Think about it for a while. If you go to school full time, you can work part time, and vice versa.
Don't gush at me. You could've figured that crap out on your own.
What would you go to school for anyways?
[They all went to school to graduate as heroes. The idea of going to school for a "normal" degree is kind of strange to think about. What degree would he even get? Law enforcement, at the moment...]
[honestly it's a musing question that came up because of what denji brought up, but doesn't have much bearing on either of them. neither had a special someone left behind at home, and while both of them had attraction and/or crushes on people here, each other included, there were no claims either.
bakugou's left thinking about the "what if" aspects of relationships when it came to getting shunted off into a new dimension while your original self carried on back home while "you" never existed. denji said "start new" and what the hell does that even cover? life? career? reputation? no one (generally) knew who they were in this new world. they could do whatever they wanted, be whatever they wanted, and no one would know the difference. bakugou could've opted to become a chef in this world (fucking unlikely as it is) and nothing could stop him from that course.
what if you married someone you didn't like, or dated someone but had curiosities about the other gender, or were too much a prude back home to do anything? while denji dwells on his own inexperience at relationships, bakugou's thinking stupid thoughts about unknown potential possibilities. maybe it's best he picks up his pace and gets to denji's room quickly so they can shove those thoughts out of the blonde's spiky head.
there's a mild relief when he kicks the door, alerting his partner that he's arrived before the text even goes out. sure, he'd yell at anyone who kicked his door, but bakugou's never been one for equal treatment in that kind of way. kick his door, get yelled at for being noisy. kick your door, it's because he thought you might've gone deaf so shut up and get moving already. he's a fun ball of logic.]
You- mph! [what the hell, denji?! you don't just open your door and drag someone into a fucking hug! but that's exactly what he does and bakugou finds himself squished up against those ripcord pecs again. bag of stuff hanging off to the side at least. dammit, they're still mostly out in the hallway too.] Get inside, idiot.
[growling at him, he braces a foot and pushes forward, pushing denji backwards into his room, but not trying to break the embrace as an exchange. it's impossible not to notice the way denji's smiling though, a beautiful image with his eyes close and cheeks rounded as he enjoys the moment. there's something pretty damn amazing about the sight, since the half-devil is usually bouncing between haggard tired and a casual kind of calm. maybe a smug little charm of smile. this is the first time bakugou's ever seen him look sunshine happy... and it's pretty cute.
you know, until denji draws back and kisses him on the cheek. it immediately brings heat to bakugou's face and he kicks the door shut behind him.] Grrr... bastard. Trying to squeeze me to death?
[but he does toss his bag to denji's bed so he can get his arm around the other boy's waist for a quick return embrace as well.
...
... and leans in to kiss him on the lips soon after.]
bakugou's left thinking about the "what if" aspects of relationships when it came to getting shunted off into a new dimension while your original self carried on back home while "you" never existed. denji said "start new" and what the hell does that even cover? life? career? reputation? no one (generally) knew who they were in this new world. they could do whatever they wanted, be whatever they wanted, and no one would know the difference. bakugou could've opted to become a chef in this world (fucking unlikely as it is) and nothing could stop him from that course.
what if you married someone you didn't like, or dated someone but had curiosities about the other gender, or were too much a prude back home to do anything? while denji dwells on his own inexperience at relationships, bakugou's thinking stupid thoughts about unknown potential possibilities. maybe it's best he picks up his pace and gets to denji's room quickly so they can shove those thoughts out of the blonde's spiky head.
there's a mild relief when he kicks the door, alerting his partner that he's arrived before the text even goes out. sure, he'd yell at anyone who kicked his door, but bakugou's never been one for equal treatment in that kind of way. kick his door, get yelled at for being noisy. kick your door, it's because he thought you might've gone deaf so shut up and get moving already. he's a fun ball of logic.]
You- mph! [what the hell, denji?! you don't just open your door and drag someone into a fucking hug! but that's exactly what he does and bakugou finds himself squished up against those ripcord pecs again. bag of stuff hanging off to the side at least. dammit, they're still mostly out in the hallway too.] Get inside, idiot.
[growling at him, he braces a foot and pushes forward, pushing denji backwards into his room, but not trying to break the embrace as an exchange. it's impossible not to notice the way denji's smiling though, a beautiful image with his eyes close and cheeks rounded as he enjoys the moment. there's something pretty damn amazing about the sight, since the half-devil is usually bouncing between haggard tired and a casual kind of calm. maybe a smug little charm of smile. this is the first time bakugou's ever seen him look sunshine happy... and it's pretty cute.
you know, until denji draws back and kisses him on the cheek. it immediately brings heat to bakugou's face and he kicks the door shut behind him.] Grrr... bastard. Trying to squeeze me to death?
[but he does toss his bag to denji's bed so he can get his arm around the other boy's waist for a quick return embrace as well.
...
... and leans in to kiss him on the lips soon after.]
[There's not going to be any damn chasing while he has Choso pinned in the bathroom. Bakugo glances up at the shower head, then quickly stands to grab it, pull it from its holster, and drops back down to crouch by the tub so he has it at the ready if and when he needs it. He's not going to have Choso sliding around in the bath to get himself cleaned off.]
This isn't fucking "okay" you asshole.
[Don't give him that "i'm fine" bullshit Yuji and Izuku are both known for doing in his life. He doesn't believe them when they say it and he's not about to believe Choso either.
And don't "mister" him either. Once he's got the blankets open, Bakugo works the water over Choso further, gloved hands wringing and rubbing at his legs to wash the blood off. He switches on the shower and uses the tethered head to spray the warm water along Choso's calves and thighs, slowly but efficiently cleaning his pants legs off.]
This better not be a fucking reflection of what they're doing to Itadori...
[Cause if his friend's over there spitting blood and looking a gory wreck, Bakugo's liable to storm the medical facility and blow the hell out of it.]
This isn't fucking "okay" you asshole.
[Don't give him that "i'm fine" bullshit Yuji and Izuku are both known for doing in his life. He doesn't believe them when they say it and he's not about to believe Choso either.
And don't "mister" him either. Once he's got the blankets open, Bakugo works the water over Choso further, gloved hands wringing and rubbing at his legs to wash the blood off. He switches on the shower and uses the tethered head to spray the warm water along Choso's calves and thighs, slowly but efficiently cleaning his pants legs off.]
This better not be a fucking reflection of what they're doing to Itadori...
[Cause if his friend's over there spitting blood and looking a gory wreck, Bakugo's liable to storm the medical facility and blow the hell out of it.]
[ The problem with Yuji remains the way his heart beats and breaks for people: because he has dedicated his life to saving them, to giving them all that he can, everything that he can, choosing that to become his role and his purpose.
Fighting Sukuna doesn't feel as frightening to him as perhaps he should. It's terrifying, of course it is, to fight the King of Curses, the creature that had stolen Gojo-sensei away from him, who had ripped him to shreds and had been a constant thorn in his side. Sukuna had lived in his mind for months, had tried to make him feel that strange, twisting guilt that had eaten him from the inside out, and Yuji had come to know him well enough - well enough to know that he would never stop. He would keep hurting Fushiguro, would keep tearing him apart and destroying the remains of his soul, and thus Yuji would have to fight all the harder to save him.
It's simple to say that's his reason for living, and other people might think that it's a bit narrow-minded of him, but to Yuji it's that easy. Fushiguro Megumi had given him a purpose when he had asked him to 'start by saving me', had given him a reason to continue to fight after all his losses in Shibuya, when he had wanted nothing more than to die. Even now, that echoes in his mind, tears him into a thousand pieces, leaving him broken and wounded and hurting: just him. He is the only person who should have died on that day. His fingers bleeding in the dirty gravel, his hand shaking, mouth tasting like vomit - only him.
Yuji isn't going to get to choose how he dies, not really. It's not up to him to decide how it's going to end. He had known from the first moment that he entered the world of Jujutsu Sorcery that he was going to be subject to execution, so all the hours he spent with the people he loved had felt like borrowed time, had felt like a gift on top of everything else. Why would he ever want to ask for more than that, when he had already been given enough? To be able to be friends with Megumi, with Kugisaki, to meet people like Gojo-sensei, and Nanamin, and Junpei, to know Higuruma-san and Yuta-senpai, see people like Maki-senpai stand tall and strong despite loss...
Coming here, to Neo Tokyo, has changed him a little. He understands, now, more about the kind of damage he causes to people with his mindset, so he is doing what he can to reshape it, to adjust. Not to hope for a better future, necessarily, or to imagine that he'll be able to outlive this fight with Sukuna, but to consider himself a little more. When he fights in missions, when he throws himself into the deep end, when he takes those upgrades without considering the damage it might do in the long run... He can consider what other people might be feeling, because he empathises. He's seen so much hurt and death that he wants to spare his friends that pain, wants to make sure that they never have to experience it because of him.
There's a level of guilt that comes from doing this, as there always will be, but Yuji is starting to put the pieces together. Bakugo is strong, one of the strongest people he's met, and that means he can handle this, just as he wants to handle things for his friend. The idea of this boy being hurt because of him, feeling the same pain and grief he felt when Megumi, Raidou or Kugisaki got hurt is intolerable, and he's had to force himself to rethink his actions. That, plus the previous mission... Is it time that he starts to take more care of himself, starts to reconsider the depth of the danger he puts himself in?
(There are some things he'll still have to do: he'll still fight to get stronger, get the upgrades that seem worth it, so his body can adjust and grow, so that he can relish the chance to be someone better, but he'll think. He'll message. He'll try harder.)
For all that he is growing internally, Yuji knows it's not good enough just yet. He sinks into Bakugo's embrace and allows himself a moment to just cry, to let all the weight of his sadness and grief slip away and fall into Bakugo's arms. For now, perhaps for just this moment, he can allow himself to rely on one of his friends, and maybe that will pave the way for more honesty with the others. Megumi, Kugisaki, Raidou, Gojo-sensei - maybe they can get their share of insights into the depths of just how miserable and broken Yuji Itadori is, more often than not, how his grief has reshaped him and moulded him into someone that lives for a singular purpose.
Does this mean he's rationalised his feelings for Bakugo, that he's thought about the depth of affection? No. In a few short months, this person has become so important to him, reaching the tiers of friendship that he'd never had before, and the thought settles in his mind like a puzzle piece, like it was meant to fit there: I'd die for you too. If, for some reason, it was necessary... Yuji Itadori would die for Katsuki Bakugo, even if his friend would bring him back to kill him for it. Trust like that is borne out of all of these things, and the heart of it is this empathy and understanding that Yuji could never doubt for even a moment.
His grip on his friend doesn't ease, doesn't settle, doesn't relax. If anything, it tightens, and with Yuji's strength it might be enough to hurt a regular person. It's as if the idea of letting go terrifies him, as if he feels like he might somehow disappear and drown in his own misery, or he might just collapse to the ground under the weight of all his own heartache. He doesn't want to keep crying, but it's hard not to when Bakugo - when Katsuki is offering him solace. The others do, this isn't an isolated moment, but Yuji is keeping so many secrets for himself and Gojo-sensei that it's hard to admit it all to anyone else. It's hard to allow himself to speak in real words the hell that he has found himself tied up in, Sukuna's laughter an echo in his mind.
Eventually, the tears do stop, but he doesn't let go of Katsuki, doesn't let himself do anything except lean into him and rest his body against him, taking a little control back. It's a softer embrace now, less sad and desperate and more filled with gratefulness and a flickering sense of contentment and joy, knowing that they're safe together. That they're able to take care of one another, that when he needs it, Katsuki will be here - and Yuji will be here for him, too. It's especially true when he feels that little smile against his body.
Yuji smiles all the time, bright and brilliant, some real, some fake, as if the idea of not smiling would curse others. Katsuki grins, but his smiles are rarer, and Yuji is glad he gets to have this little one for himself, even if it's just for a fleeting moment. He's happy, to have a friend like this, even if he doesn't think he deserves it even a little. There is no world where he would ever be a good enough person to have people like Katsuki and Megumi and Raidou and the others in his life. There's no way he's a good enough person to be this loved.
Nodding his head, he breathes out a shaky sigh against Katsuki's body, eyes still closed, voice a little hoarse from the tears and the new cotton feeling in his throat. ]
Isn't it about time I cried happy tears around you, dandelion? [ He's still gripping at his shirt... He's definitely ruined this one for the day. ] I want the first time you see me next time to be a Yuji who can smile at you, though. So that you know that I held on for as long as I could, and I did the best that I could, and in the end I was a hero of my own making.
[ That it wasn't from Sukuna's powers, or eating his siblings, or from borrowed strength. That he can use what he has, that only he has, to bring Megumi Fushiguro back and save the centre of his entire universe. ]
You can still hit me and call me stupid, though, dandelion.
Fighting Sukuna doesn't feel as frightening to him as perhaps he should. It's terrifying, of course it is, to fight the King of Curses, the creature that had stolen Gojo-sensei away from him, who had ripped him to shreds and had been a constant thorn in his side. Sukuna had lived in his mind for months, had tried to make him feel that strange, twisting guilt that had eaten him from the inside out, and Yuji had come to know him well enough - well enough to know that he would never stop. He would keep hurting Fushiguro, would keep tearing him apart and destroying the remains of his soul, and thus Yuji would have to fight all the harder to save him.
It's simple to say that's his reason for living, and other people might think that it's a bit narrow-minded of him, but to Yuji it's that easy. Fushiguro Megumi had given him a purpose when he had asked him to 'start by saving me', had given him a reason to continue to fight after all his losses in Shibuya, when he had wanted nothing more than to die. Even now, that echoes in his mind, tears him into a thousand pieces, leaving him broken and wounded and hurting: just him. He is the only person who should have died on that day. His fingers bleeding in the dirty gravel, his hand shaking, mouth tasting like vomit - only him.
Yuji isn't going to get to choose how he dies, not really. It's not up to him to decide how it's going to end. He had known from the first moment that he entered the world of Jujutsu Sorcery that he was going to be subject to execution, so all the hours he spent with the people he loved had felt like borrowed time, had felt like a gift on top of everything else. Why would he ever want to ask for more than that, when he had already been given enough? To be able to be friends with Megumi, with Kugisaki, to meet people like Gojo-sensei, and Nanamin, and Junpei, to know Higuruma-san and Yuta-senpai, see people like Maki-senpai stand tall and strong despite loss...
Coming here, to Neo Tokyo, has changed him a little. He understands, now, more about the kind of damage he causes to people with his mindset, so he is doing what he can to reshape it, to adjust. Not to hope for a better future, necessarily, or to imagine that he'll be able to outlive this fight with Sukuna, but to consider himself a little more. When he fights in missions, when he throws himself into the deep end, when he takes those upgrades without considering the damage it might do in the long run... He can consider what other people might be feeling, because he empathises. He's seen so much hurt and death that he wants to spare his friends that pain, wants to make sure that they never have to experience it because of him.
There's a level of guilt that comes from doing this, as there always will be, but Yuji is starting to put the pieces together. Bakugo is strong, one of the strongest people he's met, and that means he can handle this, just as he wants to handle things for his friend. The idea of this boy being hurt because of him, feeling the same pain and grief he felt when Megumi, Raidou or Kugisaki got hurt is intolerable, and he's had to force himself to rethink his actions. That, plus the previous mission... Is it time that he starts to take more care of himself, starts to reconsider the depth of the danger he puts himself in?
(There are some things he'll still have to do: he'll still fight to get stronger, get the upgrades that seem worth it, so his body can adjust and grow, so that he can relish the chance to be someone better, but he'll think. He'll message. He'll try harder.)
For all that he is growing internally, Yuji knows it's not good enough just yet. He sinks into Bakugo's embrace and allows himself a moment to just cry, to let all the weight of his sadness and grief slip away and fall into Bakugo's arms. For now, perhaps for just this moment, he can allow himself to rely on one of his friends, and maybe that will pave the way for more honesty with the others. Megumi, Kugisaki, Raidou, Gojo-sensei - maybe they can get their share of insights into the depths of just how miserable and broken Yuji Itadori is, more often than not, how his grief has reshaped him and moulded him into someone that lives for a singular purpose.
Does this mean he's rationalised his feelings for Bakugo, that he's thought about the depth of affection? No. In a few short months, this person has become so important to him, reaching the tiers of friendship that he'd never had before, and the thought settles in his mind like a puzzle piece, like it was meant to fit there: I'd die for you too. If, for some reason, it was necessary... Yuji Itadori would die for Katsuki Bakugo, even if his friend would bring him back to kill him for it. Trust like that is borne out of all of these things, and the heart of it is this empathy and understanding that Yuji could never doubt for even a moment.
His grip on his friend doesn't ease, doesn't settle, doesn't relax. If anything, it tightens, and with Yuji's strength it might be enough to hurt a regular person. It's as if the idea of letting go terrifies him, as if he feels like he might somehow disappear and drown in his own misery, or he might just collapse to the ground under the weight of all his own heartache. He doesn't want to keep crying, but it's hard not to when Bakugo - when Katsuki is offering him solace. The others do, this isn't an isolated moment, but Yuji is keeping so many secrets for himself and Gojo-sensei that it's hard to admit it all to anyone else. It's hard to allow himself to speak in real words the hell that he has found himself tied up in, Sukuna's laughter an echo in his mind.
Eventually, the tears do stop, but he doesn't let go of Katsuki, doesn't let himself do anything except lean into him and rest his body against him, taking a little control back. It's a softer embrace now, less sad and desperate and more filled with gratefulness and a flickering sense of contentment and joy, knowing that they're safe together. That they're able to take care of one another, that when he needs it, Katsuki will be here - and Yuji will be here for him, too. It's especially true when he feels that little smile against his body.
Yuji smiles all the time, bright and brilliant, some real, some fake, as if the idea of not smiling would curse others. Katsuki grins, but his smiles are rarer, and Yuji is glad he gets to have this little one for himself, even if it's just for a fleeting moment. He's happy, to have a friend like this, even if he doesn't think he deserves it even a little. There is no world where he would ever be a good enough person to have people like Katsuki and Megumi and Raidou and the others in his life. There's no way he's a good enough person to be this loved.
Nodding his head, he breathes out a shaky sigh against Katsuki's body, eyes still closed, voice a little hoarse from the tears and the new cotton feeling in his throat. ]
Isn't it about time I cried happy tears around you, dandelion? [ He's still gripping at his shirt... He's definitely ruined this one for the day. ] I want the first time you see me next time to be a Yuji who can smile at you, though. So that you know that I held on for as long as I could, and I did the best that I could, and in the end I was a hero of my own making.
[ That it wasn't from Sukuna's powers, or eating his siblings, or from borrowed strength. That he can use what he has, that only he has, to bring Megumi Fushiguro back and save the centre of his entire universe. ]
You can still hit me and call me stupid, though, dandelion.
Okay.
[So far behind them that it may as well have time travelled somewhere else.]
I guess that's how it would work, wouldn't it? I've never really thought about it.
[Day to day jobs don't run in his family, even his sister went for a job that keeps her pretty busy aside the house itself. As for his question...]
Probably to attend the classes, likely about eight hours a day if they're even generally standard.
[So far behind them that it may as well have time travelled somewhere else.]
I guess that's how it would work, wouldn't it? I've never really thought about it.
[Day to day jobs don't run in his family, even his sister went for a job that keeps her pretty busy aside the house itself. As for his question...]
Probably to attend the classes, likely about eight hours a day if they're even generally standard.
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