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[blastedass]

« Great Explosion Murder God » 💥 Dynamight 💥 TEXT ✧ AUDIO ✧ VIDEO ✧ ACTION Katsuki Bakugou ✦ My Hero Academia
RESIDENCE ✦ Bakugou / Midoriya Residence
GEMBOND ✦ Ruby
"Katsuki Bakugo. Make it fast or hang the fuck up."

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[blastedass]

[Look, if they show up, make the effort to or accidental, they'll get to stay. Bakugo's a dick, but he's not that big a dick. Still not inviting them himself, so Hawks or Kirishima or Midoriya will have to make that happen if it will. Bakugo frowns at the screen, not sure what he's getting himself into by policing whatever Kirishima's been putting into this guy's slushie brain. It's not just Kirishima teaching him; it's Kirishima putting shit in his head that Shoto then goes on to look up, ask about, research, and otherwise expand upon.

With a crap foundation to build on. Kind of like that cooking journal.]

Don't fucking rush yourself.

[It's not that important. Bakugo's heard him use the word once or twice. The one during sex was pretty damn hot. Still, Shoto's a polite young man compared to others, formal and kind alongside his stoicism. Many a person's dreamboat.]

Uh-huh. I'll make my own notes when I see them.

[And slap Kirishima across the face with it.]

1/2

[heir_conditioned]

[Bakugo is a big dick, but he's a big dick when he's required to be. Shoto, too, and they both know the appropriate times to pull out that specific skill. A birthday party is not that time.

And hey, his journal is great. Flawless. No mistakes or 'Disregard this page, see page x' at all.]

I won't, if it can't get done tonight, then I will see it to you, soon.

[Too bad that isn't Bakugo's birthday present. No denying though aside the dreamboat thing. Maybe if they're blind in his opinion.]

Of course, I'll make sure that each has space for your notes.

2/2

[heir_conditioned]

I've been informed by Kirishima that "hoes" is a euphemism for "whores". I'm going to ask Kirishima a few more things, but I think you weren't telling me that you already knew. Weren't you?

[blastedass]

[He's a big dick plenty of times he's not required to be either. Also knows that Shoto's not a completely innocent guy either and can certainly be a dick himself when it wants or feels the need for it.

Right. A flawless journal. While Bakugo's got no doubts that the guy's smart, can study well, and take good notes, this is one time he's in doubt. Not the quality of his work, but the authenticity of his source topic...]

Don't strain yourself. Got better shit do tonight.

[Thank fuck it's not his birthday present. Hand-made notes on Shoto's interpretation and understanding of Kirishima's "Bro Code" ideology. He would get such a fucking look...]

I can make notes in the margins or in my own notebook, dammit.

[Don't go skipping lines and making shit even harder for yourself!

...

And cue for giving the screen a flat look when Shoto reveals that lovely piece of news. Good job on cleaning up the fucking mess, Kirishima.]

Course I wasn't going to tell you! That's Shitty Hair's job! He should've told you the other meaning when he introduced you to the damn phrase.

[heir_conditioned]

[So basically, two big, situational dicks. Understood. At least there's no shortage of them both putting their foot down. Hopefully it's not with each other. That'd be a mushroom cloud of proportions not seen by man or beast.]

Yes, I do.

[More like, too bad swearing, entangled and sweaty isn't his present, but notes on the Bro Code certainly don't equate to one, this is true.]

Yes, he should have, but you should've told me, too. I trust you to be honest with me.
No, I take that back. That isn't fair of me to have said. I should have asked more questions. I'm glad that I didn't use the terminology to describe someone.

[blastedass]

[No one would think Shoto was as big a dick as Bakugo any day of the week. Well, Ice Prince Shoto could probably rival him, but Shoto hasn't acted like that in a long time. Stubborn? Now that's another story. Both are very much stubborn. Leaving them to openly clash at times.]

That's why I texted Shitty Hair. He's never gonna learn if I cover for him every damn time he fails at this. If he's gonna teach you new shit, he should explain things properly.

You're the one who's learning. You're not gonna know to ask if "hoe" has some fucked up connotation you'd never know about. If I'M teaching you something, it's my responsibility to teach you to the best I can. If I fail you, that's on me. Not you. And not on Kirishima.

And I was honest with you. A "hoe" is still a gardening tool and you still shouldn't call people a fucking tool.

[Says the guy who calls people WAY WORSE than a gardening tool.] Text

[heir_conditioned]

[That's very true, no one really knows Shoto like his friends. Especially his early months in those classes. If Bakugo and Shoto really were like that still, there'd be hell to pay. Thankfully Shoto's learned there's times and places to dig his heels in.

Give him a second though, he's dealing with seeing 'Kirishima', lookit. That's friends words.]

He does try to teach me a lot. I feel very comfortable around him now and I guess he can't anticipate everything I wouldn't know. Well... I know now. I'm glad I didn't upset anyone. That's the important part. Thank you for telling him he needed to clarify.

You did try. Is wingman really wingman as I explained it? I'm editing my notes right now.

[blastedass]

[Shoto's warmed up and Bakugo's... somewhat calmed down a little. Or as Shinsou put it mentally, has become a little more tame over the course of his year at U.A. That's what happens when you have friends, boys. Even if one of you refuses to admit you've got any.

HE'S SOMETIMES CALLS HIM "KIRISHIMA" EVEN OUT LOUD, DAMMIT!!]

He can be an idiot. Excitable but stupid. If you need to check something, run it by me. I'll vet it and either send you back to him or pass you.

[Now to see just how much of that comment Shoto goes "what?" towards, if any.]

Yeah. A wingman's a friend to help make social interaction easier so you don't look like a fucking idiot trying to do shit alone.

[Please don't quote this trash mouth, Shoto.]

[heir_conditioned]

[You might say they're growing up quickly. Wonder what things in their world is forcing that out of them.

It's FRIEND WORDS. Shoto will quietly celebrate them, that'll make Kirishima happy.]

Pass me...? Does that extend to anything to do with Kirishima?

[He gets it, vaguely. He thinks this is definitely going to be on the test.]

Thankfully that one was right. After your birthday, I could use your help.

[He will quote him, it's being written down rn.]

[blastedass]

[They are growing up quickly. They had to, when their class got shoved into a goddam war for their own society. To say nothing of what being forced into other worlds do...]

That means if Shitty Hair explained it to you well enough, I don't have to yell at him.

[Honestly there aren't a huge amount of things Shoto's going to get hung up on in this manner. Bakugo's not going to explain to him all the things a lot of immature teenagers find out ways to make dirty for no fucking reason.

Shoto doesn't need to know the sordid history of the eggplant...]

With what? Kirishima's "Bro Code" shit?

[That poor notebook.]

[heir_conditioned]

Bakugo, does your throat ever get sore? You're very vocal and I've wondered it for a while now. You don't really have to yell, you know.

[Because Kirishima is definitely going to get an ear full with a lot of the things that Shoto has considered, learned or picked up from him. But no, no one actually needs to teach Shoto about the eggplant, not unless he sees it on the network and asks. Thankfully not something to concern with.]

No with Kirishima himself. Since I'm, admittedly, no good in social situations I was wondering if you could help me. We can discuss it when it isn't time to get ready for your birthday party or time that you could be "hanging out" with a friend.

[blastedass]

[Yes... but not from yelling.]

No! I'm not gonna get a fucking sore throat from talking!

[Granted, despite the volume at which he talks, Bakugou's also one of the quieter ones in class for not talking nearly as much as others. Rather sit there with a silent scowl and not get involved in a stupid conversation.]

The fuck's wrong with Shitty Hair?

[Shoto needs "help" with him? Kirishima's one of the easiest people to get along with, if you can ignore his exuberance over things.]

Talking with you about it would be hanging out with a friend, dammit!

[ ...

...

... FUCK!!]

[heir_conditioned]

Talking, no. But you said yelling. Sometimes I get concerned because of the decibels you seem to reach. It's impressive.

[But boy when Bakugo raises his voice.]

Nothing's wrong with him. I want to ask him to accompany me to a movie, but every time I try, I lose my nerve.

[............HANG ON]

That's a nice thing to read, Bakugo. You're my friend, too. You'll always be my friend, one of the best ones I have.

[blastedass]

I'm not yelling all fucking day! I'm not even yelling right now!

[Not with his voice at least. But he's certainly close to using Caps Lock!]

WHAT?! Write a fucking note and leave it on the fridge!

"Movie at 5pm. Together."

Then walk out the fucking door at five.

[Don't have to say a word. Why is this difficult?!]

SHUT IT!

[heir_conditioned]

Oh. I definitely hear this in your louder voice, though. Do you do that, too? Hear things in people's voices when you read them?

[He's definitely close to it because 'what' is in uppercase letters.]

What if he doesn't want to go to see a movie? Ah wait. You're saying that I'd know because if I walked out the door, he wouldn't? That is kind of efficient. It'd be pretty obvious he didn't want to. I ended up cancelling our first outing and I've been trying to make it up since. This is helpful.

[He doesn't have to but boy he's going to.]

I'm returning your sentiments, Bakugo. I meant it earlier when I said if we were related I'd be honoured by it. So being your friend is the next best thing. I'm happy you see me that way, too and felt you wanted to admit it.

[blastedass]

That's in your brain! It's not gonna give me a fucking sore throat! [Still stuck on defending his throat of all things.] Everybody does that, if they've heard the person.

[It's in uppercase for a damn reason...]

Yeah. Why'd you cancel your first outing?

[Wait a second...]

Are you two dating?

[Or is this Shoto wanting to start dating but not knowing how to ask for one?]

WOULD YOU STOP FUCKING SLOBBERING ALL OVER IT?!

[Since he can't exactly deny it when it's sitting right up there staring him in the fucking face. Drop it!]

[heir_conditioned]

No, of course not. How would my brain give you a sore throat?

[By you spewing your ideas, Shoto, and the poor guy having to scream about it.]

I ended up wanting to stay in and watch movies with him instead of going out to a bonfire. No, we haven't been on any dates. I cancelled the first one to watch movies at home like I said. It's why I was hoping you'd help me as my wingman. It's also why I said we could talk about it another time.

[Bingo. No clue how to ask someone on a date. Which is very different from his day to day, because grabbing a certain hot blond by certain body parts doesn't phase him. Asking ANY of them out on dates? Yeah. He fails at that part of it.]

I'm not slobbering. I'm being grateful, and I am grateful. I won't let you down, Bakugo.

[blastedass]

WHEN IT COMES UP WITH THESE INSANE IDEAS!!

[Usually when he's in the same room with him, but texting has the same issue as well. Apparently.]

But you do want to go on a date with him.

[Making sure he's reading this correctly. Literally. But now he knows why Shoto wants to talk about this another time. Probably a big conversation going to happen...]

You don't need a wingman to ask someone out on a date, dammit. Unless I'm going with you on the fucking date. Knowing Kirishima, he probably thought staying with you to watch movies was just as good as a bonfire.

[In some ways, Kirishima's like Izuku: ridiculously easy to please.]

Fine. We can meet up later this week.

[heir_conditioned]

It's a logical question.

[Poor Bakugo. Stuck with another moron.]

Yes I do.

[Mostly he doesn't want to chance ruining a SINGLE thing about Bakugo's birthday or making it any remotely close to about himself. He wants this day to be Bakugo's day.]

Oh. No. Or... I wouldn't mind you coming with us. You're fun to be around, but the wingman doesn't go on the date. I don't know why and therefore if you want to go maybe you could. We could talk to Kirishima. I don't know how he felt about staying in, but he didn't complain.

[This is true, and also self sacrificing. Kirishima really worked up to it.]

Excellent. Thank you. I need to give you your gift, too.

[blastedass]

Your logic can be fucked up at times.

[Help. I'm surrounded by idiots.]

Uh-huh.

[He hasn't ruined shit. Bakugo's already been up for a while so this is little more than making plans because if he's gonna refuse to have a party, then that means he's doing one-on-ones with the people in this life. Arguably far more tolerable for him.]

Yeah. A wingman doesn't go on dates. It's usually a group setting thing. Two people go into a bar, with one looking for a date and the other there to make it not seem so fucking awkward.

All you're asking is for me to help you ask Kirishima out.

[Maybe he should just tell Shoto to go to a restaurant and then tell Kirishima to meet him there. Done.]

No shit. We're gonna meet up anyways.

[heir_conditioned]

I can't argue that. I've been told it multiple times so even if I feel it isn't, maybe it is.

[Almost literally, the poor guy.]

Ohhhh. I don't have to apply the same fundamentals here. Well. We can talk about it a different time. It's not as pressing as getting ready for your dinner. I have to go pick out what to wear and run a few errands before then.

[You know in like 2839823423 hours but it's important. What if he doesn't have anything he thinks he wants to wear and has to buy something new??]

Yes, I will bring your gift. See you then?

[blastedass]

At least it's not "dangerous" like some assholes...

[And it's usually just the social shit; Shoto is intelligent and there's no denying that.]

Not with what you're talking about.

[Yeah yeah, another time.]

We're not doing anything fucking formal. Wear whatever you want.

[What kind of "errands" he thinks he has to run before the dinner, Bakugo has no idea, and no desire to ask about, thanks.]

You're gonna bring it to the dinner or when we meet up on our own?

[The questions for your own clarification, Half-n-Half.]

[heir_conditioned]

No, I'm not dangerous to anyone who doesn't present danger to me. Verbally or otherwise, thank you for validating that. I've tried hard not to be who I was.

[AS FOR THE REST OF IT. It's important, all of it is important when it comes to Bakugo's birthday.]

It's not formal but that doesn't mean I shouldn't dress nicely. Today is important, like I said. I might not have to wear a suit but I have that nice sweater you helped me pick out. I'll wear that.

I guess that depends, do you want your present today or another day?

[blastedass]

Not fucking hard to "validate", idiot.

[Does he dare tell him he saw some bitch fall into the bushes cause she was too busy gawking at the Ice Prince to watch where she was going? Nah, that'd probably end up making Shoto question if he should wear a mask.]

You're a long ways off from that stupid snowman costume you wore.

[He got it, in hindsight, but that was way too stupid an obvious middle finger to Endeavor, Shoto. Even Bakugo thought it looked fucking dumb.]

Like I said. Wear what you want. [Except that goddamn atrocious pink shirt with the sun. He still hates that shitty thing.] I don't care.

[Even if he will kind of care at seeing the sweater they picked out together. Not just because it reminds him of the first time he and Shoto did horny shit...]

Why don't you wait and give it to me when I can focus on you completely.

[Kirishima brought his and Bakugo's spending the afternoon with him. Shoto deserves the same focus.]

[heir_conditioned]

[God don't tell him. He already doesn't know that he won't murder women with his smile. No one explained that one to him either. Snowma-- ohhh... Yeah. Not his favourite one, but it was at the time.]

Yes. My first hero costume. I liked that one at the time. But my new one is better. I'll wear the sweater, I like it and it's important to me too. Then I can combine all the important things.

[Waiting and giving it to him? With Bakugo's complete focus?]

I'd appreciate that. I will gladly take you up on that offer.