[ Yuji shakes his head. Does he wish that? He's not really sure, but it feels like something that's there, at the forefront of his mind. An easy thought, because he's so used to feeling it, so used to it being a presence in his mind. ]
I guess I had enough fingers... They could've put him down. The others... They'd have been safer.
[He hates it whenever Yuji says that, despite knowing full well why he says it each time. Carrying a burden like that, knowing what it could cause, would cause... Wouldn't the greater good for all be his death? It's a noble reason if you think about it logically.
But... the world can't be saved without innocent Yuji's death?
Katsuki refuses to believe that, as cliche and foolish as it sounds.]
Yuji. [His gaze on the other boy never wavers.] Do you think Gojo, Megumi, Nanami, and Megumi are idiots?
[Does Yuji think Katsuki's going to do something to make him feel worse? Deliberately?
As hard as it is to feel the hope and drive to live in the middle of a storm of guilt and pain... he refuses to let Yuji sink into such a thought too far.]
They all had reasons for wanting you to stay alive. Even if it came with that risk.
[Regardless of whether the reason was to catch more fingers, fight more curses, protect his innocence, or love a friend.
Each of them could have killed him.
Each of them decided Yuji's life was more important than his death.]
I know it's hard to see it right now, but they all supported your life. And they're not idiots.
He definitely did call her stupid, didn't he? That overrides everything. ]
I shall not permit for you to talk to me with such words! This is my final message. You are fortunate I cannot strike you with divine punishment right this moment! Never contact me again.
You know Gojo-sensei was the one who promised to kill me, right?
[ It's said petulantly, because Yuji knows the truth; Gojo-sensei was never going to kill him. He was going to find a way to save Yuji, so that they could all live happily in the future and find their own joy.
Funny how that worked out.
Sighing, he bites his lip, hard, before he focusses, still not really able to look over. ]
Yeah. Nanami told me a long time ago. [First Nanami.] You know why he did too.
[There weren't a lot of details, but in his conversations with Megumi, Nobara, Yuji, and Nanami over the months, Katsuki got a good representation of Gojo. Ironically he's never met the man here. But someone like Gojo killing Yuji? Nah. He wanted to save him. Promising to be the one to do it gave Gojo the freedom to set the timeframe and use it to his advantage. You don't kill your students.
Katsuki can't force Yuji out of the thoughts, but he can remind him of the truth when his brain keeps shoving the painful urges and doubts into his heart.]
I know. [Everything Yuji's gone through, revisiting all of it, losing the people close to him, ups and down... It'd sap anyone of their strength.] If could, I'd take as much of your burden as possible.
I wouldn't want you to do that, Katsuki. You've got enough to worry about.
[ Yuji's aware of enough of Katsuki's world to know they both have too much to deal with. They're just teenagers, but they're teenagers thrust into a world in which they can barely muster the strength to keep going sometimes. They're the ones that have to save their worlds, no matter what the cost might be to them personally.
It's hard not to draw the comparison to being a cog.
Sighing softly, he closes his eyes, tilting his head into the mat and gritting his teeth. ]
I didn't know you talked to Nanamin about that kind of stuff.
[Even if it drove him to his knees, he would support that burden to give Yuji some time to rest and recover. A hero can't pick and choose the amount of help he or she provides. They're there to help as much as they can. Even if it's only words offered right now. Maybe that's enough to give some support. Simply knowing you're not alone. That someone's there.
The day he's able to reunite with Yuji and both of them can reveal their victories...
He understands Yuji's idea of cogs, but refuses to accept it himself. Katsuki goes quiet for a while before looking up at the ceiling.]
The last time I met with him, we were working on an old couples' house in the bay area. We talked about a lot of things. Gojo. You. His mentoring. Sorcerer society. Why he stopped caring about most things. He said a lot that made it sound like he didn't give a shit. But he did. He cared about you, your future, your life. I think you showed him a future he had all but given up on, and reignited his belief in leaving things better off than he had them. Including you.
[ Yuji leans back, sighing softly as he closes his eyes. To have Nanami back, to hear words about himself... From that man... He feels himself flooded with warmth and butterflies, but also a strange kind of grief. ]
I didn't mean to do that. I didn't want him to go and fight. Is it my fault, that he was down there in Shibuya? If... If I'd convinced him otherwise, or if I'd been faster to get to him, maybe Ieiri-san could've...
[Hearing from your deceased mentor... Katsuki thinks he'd feel the same if he heard someone tell him about advice or compliments from Midnight to him after her demise. A bittersweet memory. He can't offer much more than that regarding the last time he spend with Nanami. Yet a lot was said between them.]
Yuji. If you wanna chase the fault, it'd go all the way back to that Suck and the people around him. [Katsuki rolls his head to the side, looking at his friend.] Nanami was a sorcerer. His actions that day were part of his job, just like Endeavor or All Might as heroes. He knew that when he became one.
Don't blame yourself for something he did willingly. I don't think Nananmi would want to become a burden on your heart.
[It is stupid to think about, but it's also human nature. If only's lived rent free in their heads.]
[ Yuji stops. He pauses, and he turns his head, finally looking at Katsuki, eyes damp and clammy from his tears and his deep, painful well of sadness. It's hard, to open his eyes to the light again and think, but... ]
I don't remember... Did I tell you his last words?
[ The last things spoken by Nanami Kento in the living world, and Yuji Itadori was the witness to it. ]
[Katsuki meets Yuji's eyes, their normal fiery scowl replaced with the rare moments of softer expression. Seeing his best friend's eyes watery and sorrowful hurts and he moves his hand on the floor, enough to brush the backs of his fingers against Yuji's. In case he needs the encouragement or comfort. Painful memories...]
No.
[If that's an invitation to tell him or a reminder he's kept it private, Yuji can make the decision.]
[ Heavy words, weren’t they? Yuji can’t really say whether or not they were fair words, but he’s starting to understand it a little better. Nanami wasn’t trying to curse him, wasn’t trying to make him feel bad, or regretful, or make him feel all that guilt and pain. It was passing the mantle and hoping Yuji could carry it: it was a sign of his faith in him, even after such a short time together.
It has taken him time to get it. Sniffling a little, Yuji wheezes out a little noise, a choked off laugh mixed with a sob. Nanami had cherished him, even back then, huh? ]
It took me a while… But he smiled at me, in the end. I remember him smiling, not what Mahito did to him, and… I made a promise. ‘I’ll carry your share of suffering too, Nanamin’.
[ Biting his lip, hard enough to draw blood, Yuji shudders. ]
I think… I don’t know if I can say how much he means to me.
[Katsuki falls silent, not from shock or sadness, but in respect and admiration for the man's last words to Yuji. They resonate with him. It's almost the same as All Might's final words before his retirement: "You're next." People thought he meant a promise/threat to villains, but only a few knew he meant Midoriya Izuku. Of course they were heavy words, and "fair" is disputable. But... both Nanami and All Might's last showed their utmost faith in their proteges to become the great sorcerer and hero they believed them to be.
It's mind-boggling to Katsuki that Yuji couldn't understand what his beloved mentor meant. To think those words were a curse or a shame on him. Yes, they were weighty for a successor to bear the mantel of someone they saw as so great and looked up to so much. At least Yuji's starting to get it, how much his teacher cared for him and believed in him.]
You don't have to say it. It comes through in your eyes and smile when you remember him.
[Whether it's the sadness glistening in them or the sparkle shining inside, the little soft smile on Yuji's lips that's tremulous in its gentle sorrow, or a brilliant grin conveying his admiring pride, it's obvious Nanami meant far more than words can convey to Yuji.]
He's an amazing mentor, and he knew he had an amazing student.
[Maybe someday, Yuji will believe in himself as much as Nanami believed in Yuji.]
fuck what you're used to. you don't have to live as that. live with what you want, take from your experiences to go stronger. you choose what weighs you down.
[not all weight is bad. morals weigh heroes down all the time but morals aren't bad. yet heroes choose to live by those morals.]
[There is something to be said about facing and talking about traumatic events with others. And sure Dan Heng was awkward about the message, but it was…it was kind of Bakugo, to acknowledge it as soon as he could. Just as he would have if the comms weren’t down. It was an acknowledgement of past pain and fears without being pitying. Support. Care. Needless to say it’s very appreciated.
But stuff like this is easier to handle at a later time. Likely the next day yes, since the dragon has been doing alot of sleeping lately. He’s being good and resting!! Mostly.]
Really? That’s…that sounds frustrating. [It’s no wonder the hero trains so fervently…if his power levels were reduced so drastically…] My powers seem normal being here, but. It’s more of a…how should I put this… My powers are more potent around the place I was born. The arbor waters respond readily to the call of the cloudhymns. I believe the sea is…still parted on the Xianzhou Luofu, even when I’m not there, solely because I wished it to be. [((and totally not because the game needs that area to stay open for gameplay continuity reasons- I’m having it make as much sense as I can here lmaooo))] My powers dampen away from my birthplace. Part of that had to do with the exile, and trying to stay hidden. Cloudhymn is easier to use around a body of water, but I can make do with imaginary energy when needed. That remains unchanged.
It was just…it was all gone, in the
In the castle. And it took some time to come back completely upon leaving. It was…frustrating.
[Hmm. The surgeries are turning out to be a divisive topic, Dan Heng is finding…oops.]
They don’t? But they offered anesthetic when explaining the procedure to me…I wasn’t aware this was not common. It’s…probably because of…the mission. [An apology of sorts…? If it’s rare, all the more reason to go through with it.] I wouldn’t go through with it if they didn’t offer that. I’d. Probably attack whoever was operating on me out of instinctual retaliation. [He'd bite them. He does not want to bite Doctor Spim.] It’s good to hear you’re working to solve that. Let me know if I can help in growing things.
…Also who is Shashou? [It translates to train conductor…?? ...when did Pom-Pom make it here? ...Not likely to be Pom-Pom.
Poor Bakugo. On Dan Heng’s end, he’s always been regretful he didn’t inherit Dan Feng’s ability to heal. That went to Bailu, his little sister, in a strange power split he doesn't fully understand. In the end she serves as a doctor for the people, which is good, but…inheriting only the destructive capabilities of Dan Feng’s legacy always bothered the dragon more than he cared to admit….he doesn’t…trust LILITH very much, but he knows they have the desire to help, and that others have had successful surgeries like this. He’s already recovering from one thing, what’s another (no)? If it’ll help in the future...]
…You’re right. It's pointless to dwell on. I should get more reading material or something. [Distractions. It’s part of why Dan Heng keeps wandering around. It’s too easy to fall into that sort of dread when idle.] I. Understand the sentiment, but please don’t use chains if you plan to keep people together during rest. [The thought still makes him cringe. Even if said in jest(?).
It is strange. Drugging is likely in this scenario, to keep the Outsiders unaware and unconscious, but Dan Heng knows for a fact some of the kidnapped people, like Loop, don’t eat. Perhaps it was influence of the kaiju itself… ((IE. I asked the mods and they said basically that with an ask to just roll with stuff jshdfhsd so uh. I will believe kaiju BS. But also can you imagine a cultist trying to grab say Denji and getting an attached Bakugo too? 2-for-1 deal, sucker!))
Dan Heng chuckles softly at the outburst there. That. That’s normal.] Yeah. Agreed. [No one in their right mind would want to go through that. But it was a choice to get out, and he’s grateful to those who chose to rescue them.] Will do. You don’t have to go to that trouble, I’m not an idiot. It’s just…hard. To stay “resting”, laying around while others are struggling or grieving. I know it’s necessary. I know. It’s just difficult.
[Good thing Dan Heng's not here to see Bakugo roll his eyes when the dragon mentions his powers being at full capacity here. Figures. He leans back on his bed as he reads through the explanation. A lot of what the guy says makes zero sense to him and likely doesn't have anything to do with his capability in Neo Tokyo slaying kaiju. But...]
You split a sea in half?
[And it's staying in half because Dan Heng wants it to be? Is this a good time to tell him he doesn't think their presence in this world remotely affects their real worlds? Which Bakugo believes are "paused" for all their current selves are concerned. Returning home places them right back where they were taken from, with no memories of this place, and if they come back, the same "Pause button" effect happens, as the return here with new memories from home added to their previous Neo Tokyo memories right where they left off. Maybe not a good time for that discussion...]
So your powers are only weakened here, since you're away from your world? Know-it-All told me about Imaginary energy. You guys can still use it here even though it's not part of your world.
[It makes sense that Dan Heng would be briefly de-powered after his experience in the caste. Bakugo doesn't want to dwell on that any more than they already have with the dragon's comment. Yeah hang on a second-]
What the hell do you mean they offered anesthetics?! You got the implant already?! [This is the first time he's ever heard of and Outsider getting anesthetics when they got an implant/upgrade surgery. (Link me to Dan Heng's surgery request; I need to see this for myself.) He's irked now.] No one should have to go through that damn procedure without any anesthesia! They always say they're saving what they have for life saving operations.
[And technically, powering up the Outsiders to do better is going to SAVE LIVES! Ugh, Bakugo's been harping on this thing since fucking summer. Though he's only really been able to make progress on it this month. At least something good came out of that goddamn trip to Romania.]
Raidou.
[Raidou's nickname is a little more OOC, but he immediately reminded me of these guys when I saw him, so "Shashou" stuck since the beginning. Japanese conductors do wear similar outfits, or at least the hats... Go with it.]
You should do something more active as well. If you only read, you're still alone in your head. [And while he's aware that can be a great distraction, it would only take the wrong combination of words or mentioned idea to send a flashback. As was proven just now when Bakugo rashly mentioned chains. He mentally facepalms and drags his hand down his visage with a brain full of cuss words. Goddammit!] Everyone shares a fucking sleeping bag then.
[Yeah I actually noticed your question to the mods and had to laugh because they were "please have mercy!" which I totally understand. BUT STILL!! If you're gonna poof away kidnapping and you know people sleep together, might want to have at least some comment on how. Sheesh. I know you can't cover all the tiny details, but that's not exactly "tiny" when you're dealing with seasoned battlers who are already obviously weirded out by the circumstances. Enough that others didn't eat or ate very little. Could've just said "kaiju bs" and I wold've "oh okay" without a problem. Anyways, enough ooc griping from me.]
Yeah, yeah. But you're not gonna make anyone feel better if you drag your bleeding ass into their room. They'll just freak out about your health instead. [Because so many of you extras are nice people who want to care about everyone else except yourselves. Ugh. Bakugo has too many of those kinds of companions. WHY?! Says the guy who grumpy checks in on people all the time.] Text them or call them. They'll get the intent.
i don't know if we get a choice necessarily. we're born with sorrows on our back passed down to us. but i get what you mean. i'll bounce back im just feeling like a piece of shit for now.
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