Bakugō Katsuki (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
blastedass) wrote2020-08-08 04:37 pm
blastedass) wrote2020-08-08 04:37 pm
⚔️ Synflux Inbox
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Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight
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[ Bakugo analyzing his clothing like the true son of a fashion designer... ]
[ While Megumi could have delivered the bag via drone, it's more fulfilling to see the reaction in person. He's finding this totally worth it, too. Is that a smile - and not in the sneering or taunting way he does sometimes? It seems genuine and rare to come by, so it makes his heart feel a bit warm. He chose those gifts with consideration, so he's rather proud of them also.
In response to the threat against Denji, though ... ]
He's just looking out for you. Go easy on him.
[ While Megumi could have delivered the bag via drone, it's more fulfilling to see the reaction in person. He's finding this totally worth it, too. Is that a smile - and not in the sneering or taunting way he does sometimes? It seems genuine and rare to come by, so it makes his heart feel a bit warm. He chose those gifts with consideration, so he's rather proud of them also.
In response to the threat against Denji, though ... ]
He's just looking out for you. Go easy on him.
if i was married or dating someone, i wouldn't cheat on them.
[ denji knew there was a way to get out of the city, so— if he is romantically involved with someone back home and is committed to them, then no ... he wouldn't plan to persuade someone else. though, it's a difficult situation to imagine, considering he had no one and never had the experience to make a solid judgment. however, he still tries to offer the hero some honesty.
well, he still doesn't think he's gay. women are attractive to him, so he must be one of those people who swing both ways. then again, he's not enticed by any other guy besides bakugou. it's a bit confusing to denji— since he still feels straight with a touch of interest on the side solely focused on one guy. here! a brand new sexuality.
the bag of crisps is on the floor, sir. the bed is clean and welcoming ♥ ]
i'll pick.
i'll decide when i see you.
[ he's done with pampering the birthday boy and now its back to denji demanding things again. ]
[ denji knew there was a way to get out of the city, so— if he is romantically involved with someone back home and is committed to them, then no ... he wouldn't plan to persuade someone else. though, it's a difficult situation to imagine, considering he had no one and never had the experience to make a solid judgment. however, he still tries to offer the hero some honesty.
well, he still doesn't think he's gay. women are attractive to him, so he must be one of those people who swing both ways. then again, he's not enticed by any other guy besides bakugou. it's a bit confusing to denji— since he still feels straight with a touch of interest on the side solely focused on one guy. here! a brand new sexuality.
the bag of crisps is on the floor, sir. the bed is clean and welcoming ♥ ]
i'll pick.
i'll decide when i see you.
[ he's done with pampering the birthday boy and now its back to denji demanding things again. ]
Normal things, huh.
[Others have said the same. Wanting to step away from the troubles of their worlds and take their time here as a new beginning, or at least a break to try something different for a while.
Is that wrong or irresponsible? ... Not really. It's not like they can do much else. Bakugo's already tried to go home a few ways, and short of storming LILITH's main HQ, all failed.
Wasting time, energy, opportunity to sit around and mope is pretty stupid too.]
What other normal things have you tried already?
[Others have said the same. Wanting to step away from the troubles of their worlds and take their time here as a new beginning, or at least a break to try something different for a while.
Is that wrong or irresponsible? ... Not really. It's not like they can do much else. Bakugo's already tried to go home a few ways, and short of storming LILITH's main HQ, all failed.
Wasting time, energy, opportunity to sit around and mope is pretty stupid too.]
What other normal things have you tried already?
Hn. So you're dealing with the same thing as we are. There's no way for one of us to end All for One. We have to do that together.
[It's good to know that Yuji has friends who are able to help him. Though some are gone to death, some are out of the fight, knowing their legacies and future assistance remain is a heartening fact. All Might was gone, unable to take out All for One alone like he had those two times before... and none of the heroes left could ever be All Might. But together, they could surpass him, and end All for One for good.
Bakugo watches the other boy for a few seconds. After what Yuji said before, it would seem doubtful, and yet, he trusts him. Because he knows what it's like to live for someone you care about.]
That's a good reason to live.
[It's good to know that Yuji has friends who are able to help him. Though some are gone to death, some are out of the fight, knowing their legacies and future assistance remain is a heartening fact. All Might was gone, unable to take out All for One alone like he had those two times before... and none of the heroes left could ever be All Might. But together, they could surpass him, and end All for One for good.
Bakugo watches the other boy for a few seconds. After what Yuji said before, it would seem doubtful, and yet, he trusts him. Because he knows what it's like to live for someone you care about.]
That's a good reason to live.
[Look, his parents instilled in him the facts of good clothes versus cheap clothes, that unique or handmade aren't inferior to company processed, and it's not wrong to give a gift a look over to show it's noticed and appreciated.
Because Megumi didn't just gift and dash outside his door, Bakugo's more inclined to spend time with the gifts rather than look and toss for the time being. But he honestly does like the two items, finding the socks completely dorky (and amused Megumi has a dorky side to him) and the rolling pin intriguing enough to want to try it out. Cookies? Hm. Maybe a pie covering? Bet it'd work well on chocolate bark in that short window of still-malleable-without-sticking.
Meaning Megumi's gonna get the results of that.]
He's not dead yet.
["Go easy on him" says the guy who slammed his friend's head in a door...]
Because Megumi didn't just gift and dash outside his door, Bakugo's more inclined to spend time with the gifts rather than look and toss for the time being. But he honestly does like the two items, finding the socks completely dorky (and amused Megumi has a dorky side to him) and the rolling pin intriguing enough to want to try it out. Cookies? Hm. Maybe a pie covering? Bet it'd work well on chocolate bark in that short window of still-malleable-without-sticking.
Meaning Megumi's gonna get the results of that.]
He's not dead yet.
["Go easy on him" says the guy who slammed his friend's head in a door...]
aa. that should be the mindset.
[bakugo didn't have anyone back home, so he likewise wasn't in that situation. but say someone like endeavor got dragged here. the man's married, but finds himself in a different dimension that technically has no bearing on his life back home. if his wife wasn't here, and he has no way of knowing if she ever would be...
it's not like being in another nation, where you know your spouse is still there on the other side of the world, waiting for you to come home, able to talk to you on the phone or video screen "whenever" you want to. what would that be like? especially if, as two of bakugou's friends have proved already, their lives back home are unaware of their other selves here. his mother has no idea her "other son" is fighting kaiju in another realm. she'll never know.
just something to think about as he makes his way to denji's door. it'd be a lie to say he hasn't thought recently about denji's interest in women compared to what he and the half-devil have going on. if they do end up in a more committed relationship, then what? the idea's honestly... not scary, but he has no experience in dating or relationships like that. romance was never part of his life in any positive sense (cause gross, mushy stuff). he wants to be a good experience for denji, the best, someone the other boy can relax with, knowing he's safe from betrayal, abuse, manipulation, abandonment, or anything else denji's experienced at the hands of others before.
okay at least the bed's clean, but guess what you're doing tomorrow. with help. that's right. cleaning the fucking room. a great idea for the weekend. consider it a team-up mission.]
open up.
[THUD! not bothering to knock. just straight up kicks the door.]
[bakugo didn't have anyone back home, so he likewise wasn't in that situation. but say someone like endeavor got dragged here. the man's married, but finds himself in a different dimension that technically has no bearing on his life back home. if his wife wasn't here, and he has no way of knowing if she ever would be...
it's not like being in another nation, where you know your spouse is still there on the other side of the world, waiting for you to come home, able to talk to you on the phone or video screen "whenever" you want to. what would that be like? especially if, as two of bakugou's friends have proved already, their lives back home are unaware of their other selves here. his mother has no idea her "other son" is fighting kaiju in another realm. she'll never know.
just something to think about as he makes his way to denji's door. it'd be a lie to say he hasn't thought recently about denji's interest in women compared to what he and the half-devil have going on. if they do end up in a more committed relationship, then what? the idea's honestly... not scary, but he has no experience in dating or relationships like that. romance was never part of his life in any positive sense (cause gross, mushy stuff). he wants to be a good experience for denji, the best, someone the other boy can relax with, knowing he's safe from betrayal, abuse, manipulation, abandonment, or anything else denji's experienced at the hands of others before.
okay at least the bed's clean, but guess what you're doing tomorrow. with help. that's right. cleaning the fucking room. a great idea for the weekend. consider it a team-up mission.]
open up.
[THUD! not bothering to knock. just straight up kicks the door.]
That's how it is. I wanted to be able to die and take Sukuna with me, but that's not an option any more, so I'll work this way as well.
[ There are some friends, of course, that he's lost along the way, but he'll fight to keep their memories alive. Kugiskai, Gojo-sensei, Nanamin, Higuruma-san... All people that he carries in his heart, even if he might never see them again once he goes home. That's the sort of thing that's going to keep him going, because without it he's going to fall apart completely.
He has people here, now, too - Raidou, Bakugo, March, Wriothesley, so many people that are becoming more and more important to him as the days go by. He's not going to let go of their memories either. ]
... Don't tell him about it. Please.
[ There are some friends, of course, that he's lost along the way, but he'll fight to keep their memories alive. Kugiskai, Gojo-sensei, Nanamin, Higuruma-san... All people that he carries in his heart, even if he might never see them again once he goes home. That's the sort of thing that's going to keep him going, because without it he's going to fall apart completely.
He has people here, now, too - Raidou, Bakugo, March, Wriothesley, so many people that are becoming more and more important to him as the days go by. He's not going to let go of their memories either. ]
... Don't tell him about it. Please.
[There's been a lot Yuji's said about Sukuna and Megumi recently. As well as what Bakugo knows about Sukuna and Yuji in the past. How the other boy acquired the curse in the first place. Between those hints and the focus on Megumi, as well as the notion of techniques being carved into the body and what's left behind, he's slowly worked out what likely happened over in Yuji's world. When Yuji mentions "that's not an option anymore", it's the final piece to confirm his suspicions.]
Sukuna switched bodies; he's in Fushiguro now.
[It's a quiet comment, but the weight of it is impossible to miss. No wonder Yuji feels so much guilt over what happened. He took on a burden he didn't know, was tasked with completing this mission and cap it at the end with his death, and despite proceeding towards that end with resolve and acceptance of his task, was taken for a joy ride by a sadistic bastard before said bastard abandoned him and embedded himself into Yuji's best friend.
It's one thing to fight yourself; it's another thing to fight someone you care about. It's one thing to kill yourself without as much guilt; its another to know you might have to kill your best friend for "the better" of the world.
All because you weren't strong enough...]
I don't talk about other people's secrets.
Sukuna switched bodies; he's in Fushiguro now.
[It's a quiet comment, but the weight of it is impossible to miss. No wonder Yuji feels so much guilt over what happened. He took on a burden he didn't know, was tasked with completing this mission and cap it at the end with his death, and despite proceeding towards that end with resolve and acceptance of his task, was taken for a joy ride by a sadistic bastard before said bastard abandoned him and embedded himself into Yuji's best friend.
It's one thing to fight yourself; it's another thing to fight someone you care about. It's one thing to kill yourself without as much guilt; its another to know you might have to kill your best friend for "the better" of the world.
All because you weren't strong enough...]
I don't talk about other people's secrets.
Yeah. It's my fault - and I'm not overexaggerating this time.
[ There's an awkwardness to it, and standing in the middle of the halls to discuss it is a little weird, but there's no one else around. Yuji doesn't want to walk back to Bakugo's room, not when it's his birthday, and they're supposed to be going out to make sure he has a good time and enjoys a movie... Right now, all he's doing is making the day more sad. Maybe this is a little gift in itself, though: letting Bakugo see more of his heart. Showing how much he trusts his friend.
Taking a deep breath in, Yuji shakes his head. ]
I made a Binding Vow with Sukuna - a contract, using cursed energy. In exchange for him bringing me back to life, he'd be able to take control of my body for one minute using a key word, as long as he didn't hurt anyone. I guess when I made it... I didn't consider myself important enough to be 'anyone'.
[ Which meant, in the end, Sukuna could bite his finger off and force-feed it to Megumi. Transfer hosts. Yuji explains this to Bakugo in bleak, quiet tones. ]
I know we can save him, that... We can stop Sukuna from controlling him forever. I know I can punch the point between their souls if I try hard enough. So that's why I ate the Death Paintings, that's why I trained so hard with Kusakabe-sensei, that's why I know I have to get back home eventually. I can't let Megumi suffer in there forever, not if I can do something to save him.
[ There's an awkwardness to it, and standing in the middle of the halls to discuss it is a little weird, but there's no one else around. Yuji doesn't want to walk back to Bakugo's room, not when it's his birthday, and they're supposed to be going out to make sure he has a good time and enjoys a movie... Right now, all he's doing is making the day more sad. Maybe this is a little gift in itself, though: letting Bakugo see more of his heart. Showing how much he trusts his friend.
Taking a deep breath in, Yuji shakes his head. ]
I made a Binding Vow with Sukuna - a contract, using cursed energy. In exchange for him bringing me back to life, he'd be able to take control of my body for one minute using a key word, as long as he didn't hurt anyone. I guess when I made it... I didn't consider myself important enough to be 'anyone'.
[ Which meant, in the end, Sukuna could bite his finger off and force-feed it to Megumi. Transfer hosts. Yuji explains this to Bakugo in bleak, quiet tones. ]
I know we can save him, that... We can stop Sukuna from controlling him forever. I know I can punch the point between their souls if I try hard enough. So that's why I ate the Death Paintings, that's why I trained so hard with Kusakabe-sensei, that's why I know I have to get back home eventually. I can't let Megumi suffer in there forever, not if I can do something to save him.
[ some time during yuji’s surgery in the early morning, a text pops up. ]
baku.go hello. did you. know that bees. indicate sources of
food by. a weird motion c.alled the wiggle dance?
baku.go hello. did you. know that bees. indicate sources of
food by. a weird motion c.alled the wiggle dance?
[A movie isn't as important as Yuji. Guilt and sorrow building up, pressuring the soul with a burden that won't go away by itself. He knows the feeling all too well. Stuffing the feelings, pretending everything was all right, yet when he was alone, each "what if" every "if only" all the "why couldn't I" swarmed back to peck, rip, and burrow into his mind until he was on the verge of screaming. but no one else could know, no one else should know, it was his burden to bear...
until he couldn't handle it any further. If it's like that with Yuji, then Bakugo would much rather be there for him and let him finally talk about it than sit in front of a screen and pound it back even further once again.
The fact Yuji trusts him enough to let him see the pain in his heart means a lot.
He listens quietly, taking note of everything the sorcerer is saying. It's hard to imagine Yuji would make a vow with someone as treacherous as Sukuna. Like making a deal with All for One, the only one who benefits from it in the end, is All for One. Yuji never sounded like he trusted the curse enough to make such a deal, especially if he knew death was one way to stop Sukuna, and certainly displayed an almost reckless disregard for his own life. Why the hell would he make a vow?
Unless he was forced or tricked into making it... Bakugo can see that happening, but he keeps it to himself as Yuji reveals how the transfer happened. There's a brief moment of motion as Bakugo silently takes one of Yuji's hands in his own, letting the touch rest at their hips without any attention drawn to it. What is it with fingers in this world?
Shigaraki would be thrilled. Fucking finger fanatic...
By now, he can easily accept the "sorcerer talk" about how to save Megumi, preparing for the fight, and other references. It explains so much of what Yuji's pressured by, and why the return to home is important. Which only makes Bakugo's determination to get everyone back home burn even more. It's a lot to take in even quick summarized like that.]
You will get back home. [He'll make sure of it as best he can.] And I won't stop believing you can win. It would be easier if you'd all focus on killing Sukuna... but you're taking the harder path to save Fushiguro. Many wouldn't. [Because it's something a hero would do.] You're one of the strongest people I know, Itadori.
And I still trust your choices. You did everything you could, with the best intentions. Even when they got fucked up. [He squeezes Yuji's hands.] You might think these are bloody, but I think they're as clean as your heart.
[And he'll tell him that as many times as he needs to.]
until he couldn't handle it any further. If it's like that with Yuji, then Bakugo would much rather be there for him and let him finally talk about it than sit in front of a screen and pound it back even further once again.
The fact Yuji trusts him enough to let him see the pain in his heart means a lot.
He listens quietly, taking note of everything the sorcerer is saying. It's hard to imagine Yuji would make a vow with someone as treacherous as Sukuna. Like making a deal with All for One, the only one who benefits from it in the end, is All for One. Yuji never sounded like he trusted the curse enough to make such a deal, especially if he knew death was one way to stop Sukuna, and certainly displayed an almost reckless disregard for his own life. Why the hell would he make a vow?
Unless he was forced or tricked into making it... Bakugo can see that happening, but he keeps it to himself as Yuji reveals how the transfer happened. There's a brief moment of motion as Bakugo silently takes one of Yuji's hands in his own, letting the touch rest at their hips without any attention drawn to it. What is it with fingers in this world?
Shigaraki would be thrilled. Fucking finger fanatic...
By now, he can easily accept the "sorcerer talk" about how to save Megumi, preparing for the fight, and other references. It explains so much of what Yuji's pressured by, and why the return to home is important. Which only makes Bakugo's determination to get everyone back home burn even more. It's a lot to take in even quick summarized like that.]
You will get back home. [He'll make sure of it as best he can.] And I won't stop believing you can win. It would be easier if you'd all focus on killing Sukuna... but you're taking the harder path to save Fushiguro. Many wouldn't. [Because it's something a hero would do.] You're one of the strongest people I know, Itadori.
And I still trust your choices. You did everything you could, with the best intentions. Even when they got fucked up. [He squeezes Yuji's hands.] You might think these are bloody, but I think they're as clean as your heart.
[And he'll tell him that as many times as he needs to.]
[What the fuck?!]
are you on fucking drugs, odango mess?
are you on fucking drugs, odango mess?
[Thanks for going from 0 to 100.]
Where are you? Where is he?
Where are you? Where is he?
[ This isn't how things were meant to go.
It's Bakugo's birthday, so Yuji should be taking care of him - it's an echo in his mind as he forces himself to breathe in and out. How many people know about his future now? Gojo-sensei, Choso... And Bakugo. He hasn't even admitted it all to Raidou, fearing that his partner will see what happened and judge him, won't want to touch him or be around him any more, and that's not something he can handle. He trusts Raidou, but who would want to love a boy who ate his own brothers for survival?
Emotions bubble up inside of him, impossible to ignore or shove aside, because Bakugo is being so kind to him. For someone who has a reputation for being loud, and shouting, and brash, the softness and gentle way he is speaking to Yuji now feels too much like something undeserved. He should learn to keep his mouth shut, to stop talking about things, because all he does is drag Bakugo into his own sadness and his own grief, causing more and more pain, passing on his burdens.
Doesn't he deserve to carry these things alone, with all the things he's done?
Breathing out a shuddering noise, he blinks back tears even as he tries to focus, to turn his hands to squeeze his friend's fingers back gently. He might not think he deserve this, is worth this kind of consideration and affection from Bakugo, but he knows voicing it will just get him into trouble. He'll get scolded instead, or chased around, and that would ruin this moment between them, making him feel even worse. What an awful birthday gift he's given his friend.
Lifting his head, he blinks, tired. Sad. ]
You shouldn't trust me at all. All the people I get close to end up getting hurt or dying. I'm probably some kind of bad omen now...
[ Love is the most twisted curse of all, after all. ]
I want to be the person you believe I am. I don't know if I'm ready to believe it myself yet. Sorry, Katsuki.
[ Is this the first time he's used Bakugo's name? It seems so, but the moment felt right. 'Dandelion' is special, Bakugo for those softer moments, but this... This felt like a moment to bare himself completely, to show the depth of his affection. Bakugo has earned his place amongst the people that Yuji loves most, an unshakable bond that he would fight and die for. ]
It's Bakugo's birthday, so Yuji should be taking care of him - it's an echo in his mind as he forces himself to breathe in and out. How many people know about his future now? Gojo-sensei, Choso... And Bakugo. He hasn't even admitted it all to Raidou, fearing that his partner will see what happened and judge him, won't want to touch him or be around him any more, and that's not something he can handle. He trusts Raidou, but who would want to love a boy who ate his own brothers for survival?
Emotions bubble up inside of him, impossible to ignore or shove aside, because Bakugo is being so kind to him. For someone who has a reputation for being loud, and shouting, and brash, the softness and gentle way he is speaking to Yuji now feels too much like something undeserved. He should learn to keep his mouth shut, to stop talking about things, because all he does is drag Bakugo into his own sadness and his own grief, causing more and more pain, passing on his burdens.
Doesn't he deserve to carry these things alone, with all the things he's done?
Breathing out a shuddering noise, he blinks back tears even as he tries to focus, to turn his hands to squeeze his friend's fingers back gently. He might not think he deserve this, is worth this kind of consideration and affection from Bakugo, but he knows voicing it will just get him into trouble. He'll get scolded instead, or chased around, and that would ruin this moment between them, making him feel even worse. What an awful birthday gift he's given his friend.
Lifting his head, he blinks, tired. Sad. ]
You shouldn't trust me at all. All the people I get close to end up getting hurt or dying. I'm probably some kind of bad omen now...
[ Love is the most twisted curse of all, after all. ]
I want to be the person you believe I am. I don't know if I'm ready to believe it myself yet. Sorry, Katsuki.
[ Is this the first time he's used Bakugo's name? It seems so, but the moment felt right. 'Dandelion' is special, Bakugo for those softer moments, but this... This felt like a moment to bare himself completely, to show the depth of his affection. Bakugo has earned his place amongst the people that Yuji loves most, an unshakable bond that he would fight and die for. ]
[He is moving his ass. Now.]
I'm on my way.
Was this for another fucking upgrade?
I'm on my way.
Was this for another fucking upgrade?
[It's my birthday. I can do what I want. Right?
It reminds him of something that Uraraka once said. Heroes are always helping other people who suffer. But who helps the heroes when they're suffering? Yuji tries to help so many people, listening to them, encouraging them, protecting them, sacrificing for them, hurting for them. And he usually doesn't like to dwell on his own burdens and pains. The fact he's letting Bakugo help him right now... It's convoluted, but it's a gift in its own way. (Bakugo also trusts Raidou to continue liking Yuji even if he learns these facts, but that's for Raidou and Yuji to work out between them.)
That's the thing about heroes. Heroes stick their noses in business that isn't theirs. A house falling off a cliff. Not their business, but they're there to help. A robbery in a store. Not their store, not their products, but they're there to help. A villain threatening to blow up a city block. Not technically their business, but they're there to help. A cat in a tree, not their business, but they're there.
A young man who holds himself up despite the sadness and grief of his own burden. Not his business... but he's here to help. Reaching out a hand for the lost and weary to take, so he can help support their burdens. Because he's a hero.
You don't have to do this alone. Why? Because I'm here.
It doesn't matter that it's heavy. It doesn't matter that it hurts. That it's sad. It's hard. It matters because it's alone. And for Bakugo, it matters because this is Itadori Yuji. This is his friend. He laces his fingers in Yuji's and holds on tight, silently promising not to go anywhere, not to give up on him.
Even if Yuji doesn't think he deserves this or is worth this... Well, this is one of the times where Bakugo doesn't give a shit what Yuji thinks. He'll be selfish about this all he fucking wants.
So much fear, so much pain, so must disbelief in his own self. Bakugo hates how much damage has been done to Yuji. To someone he cares about. Why can't Yuji see how much good he's done? ... Well, he knows the answer to that. Right now, it's bleak. Of course he'd think himself a bad omen because he's in the middle of a war. Because people target him.
Izuku ran away from all of them, thinking the exact same thing. He would only hurt his friends if he stayed near them. He'd rather be alone, deal with his own burdens alone, face the war alone... It's protection, it's love, it's insane.]
Urusei.
[This time, it's no handhold. Katsuki pulls Yuji's arm to draw him over and promptly embraces him. One arm wrapped around the sorcerer's shoulders, the other gently holding the back of his head to keep him close. Trapping them in a tiny little world where his words can come softly and meant only for Yuji.]
I don't care what you believe about yourself in this. To me, you're a hero. Everyone who got close to you did it because they like you, trust you, believe in you, and care for you. You've saved people, you're fighting to protect even more, there are things only you can do. You're a good person, not some omen.
You don't have to be ready to believe it yet. [Hurt comes. Death comes. Katsuki curls his fingers in Yuji's hair.] I'll do it for both of us.
[One of his teachers died too. Others have been maimed. Others forced to retire. Heroes have died and been hurt, his classmates almost expelled for trying to help him, his greatest idol burning out the last embers of his power just to protect him... Katsuki felt like trash, still feels the weight of that guilt, and hates himself for it. But he knows each of those actions came about because everyone believed in something better in the future.
He can't let Yuji fall. Not even to himself.] I trust your heart's unwavering. So don't apologize, Yuji.
[It's fine. The affection and bond are reflected in the same. A quiet acceptance of that elevation. Just as Yuji's ready to fight and die for him, Katsuki would do the same. Though damn if he wouldn't exhaust ever available option to make sure they both stay alive. If his life serves as living proof that Yuji's not a bad omen, that's a fucking good life.]
It reminds him of something that Uraraka once said. Heroes are always helping other people who suffer. But who helps the heroes when they're suffering? Yuji tries to help so many people, listening to them, encouraging them, protecting them, sacrificing for them, hurting for them. And he usually doesn't like to dwell on his own burdens and pains. The fact he's letting Bakugo help him right now... It's convoluted, but it's a gift in its own way. (Bakugo also trusts Raidou to continue liking Yuji even if he learns these facts, but that's for Raidou and Yuji to work out between them.)
That's the thing about heroes. Heroes stick their noses in business that isn't theirs. A house falling off a cliff. Not their business, but they're there to help. A robbery in a store. Not their store, not their products, but they're there to help. A villain threatening to blow up a city block. Not technically their business, but they're there to help. A cat in a tree, not their business, but they're there.
A young man who holds himself up despite the sadness and grief of his own burden. Not his business... but he's here to help. Reaching out a hand for the lost and weary to take, so he can help support their burdens. Because he's a hero.
You don't have to do this alone. Why? Because I'm here.
It doesn't matter that it's heavy. It doesn't matter that it hurts. That it's sad. It's hard. It matters because it's alone. And for Bakugo, it matters because this is Itadori Yuji. This is his friend. He laces his fingers in Yuji's and holds on tight, silently promising not to go anywhere, not to give up on him.
Even if Yuji doesn't think he deserves this or is worth this... Well, this is one of the times where Bakugo doesn't give a shit what Yuji thinks. He'll be selfish about this all he fucking wants.
So much fear, so much pain, so must disbelief in his own self. Bakugo hates how much damage has been done to Yuji. To someone he cares about. Why can't Yuji see how much good he's done? ... Well, he knows the answer to that. Right now, it's bleak. Of course he'd think himself a bad omen because he's in the middle of a war. Because people target him.
Izuku ran away from all of them, thinking the exact same thing. He would only hurt his friends if he stayed near them. He'd rather be alone, deal with his own burdens alone, face the war alone... It's protection, it's love, it's insane.]
Urusei.
[This time, it's no handhold. Katsuki pulls Yuji's arm to draw him over and promptly embraces him. One arm wrapped around the sorcerer's shoulders, the other gently holding the back of his head to keep him close. Trapping them in a tiny little world where his words can come softly and meant only for Yuji.]
I don't care what you believe about yourself in this. To me, you're a hero. Everyone who got close to you did it because they like you, trust you, believe in you, and care for you. You've saved people, you're fighting to protect even more, there are things only you can do. You're a good person, not some omen.
You don't have to be ready to believe it yet. [Hurt comes. Death comes. Katsuki curls his fingers in Yuji's hair.] I'll do it for both of us.
[One of his teachers died too. Others have been maimed. Others forced to retire. Heroes have died and been hurt, his classmates almost expelled for trying to help him, his greatest idol burning out the last embers of his power just to protect him... Katsuki felt like trash, still feels the weight of that guilt, and hates himself for it. But he knows each of those actions came about because everyone believed in something better in the future.
He can't let Yuji fall. Not even to himself.] I trust your heart's unwavering. So don't apologize, Yuji.
[It's fine. The affection and bond are reflected in the same. A quiet acceptance of that elevation. Just as Yuji's ready to fight and die for him, Katsuki would do the same. Though damn if he wouldn't exhaust ever available option to make sure they both stay alive. If his life serves as living proof that Yuji's not a bad omen, that's a fucking good life.]
[Bastard. Just how many times does Yuji have to shove shit into his body?! He's already strong enough! What the hell could LILITH be offering him that draws him into being their damn test subject?!
The poor showing of their last kaiju fight might've had something to do with it, but... FUCK!!
Bakugo notices the mixture of sterilized air and the tang of blood. Some might think it a hospital-themed murder, but he's aware two people in this area can manipulate blood, so...
He's shoving the door open to 010.]
The poor showing of their last kaiju fight might've had something to do with it, but... FUCK!!
Bakugo notices the mixture of sterilized air and the tang of blood. Some might think it a hospital-themed murder, but he's aware two people in this area can manipulate blood, so...
He's shoving the door open to 010.]
[ Yuji falls into the embrace, the hand in his hair, and it feels a little bit like he's breaking, somehow, as if the weight and pressure has all suddenly become just that little bit too much.
There are people that believe in him, of course. He can list them, think of their smiles and their faces, the way they'd left him with their hopes and dreams in his hands, from 'you've got it from here' to the final connection between two people, his and Higuruma-san's gazes finally meeting for the first time right before Sukuna came for him. Yuji knows how it feels to be believed in, just as he knows how it feels to let those people down.
Bakugo's arms around him feel like floating in the ocean, like suddenly that weight is lifted. There's always been a comfort in a hand in his hair (Megumi does it, and Raidou does too, and sometime Nanamin or Gojo-sensei would ruffle his hair) and it soothes him, even as he breaks a little more, the tears flooding his face even as he tries to blink them away. Gojo-sensei is right to call him a crybaby: it seems like that's all he does, even now, in the middle of the corridor, emotions too intense to disappear.
There are things only he can do, and right now that is his focus. To get stronger, to fight, to have his body learn techniques here that he can try and take back with him, to grow stronger and braver and better, so that no one else has to die. The world has taken enough from them, and Yuji wants to stand between Sukuna and what little love he has left and make sure that the only cost is his own. No one else will ever have to feel the grief and pain that he's felt for so, so many more months.
Slowly, as if afraid of falling to pieces in Bakugo's arms, he turns and presses his face into his friend's neck, and he lets himself cry. Just a little. Bakugo can hold him, can carry this burden, just for a few minutes. His dandelion is strong enough for that, and Yuji would never suggest otherwise. ]
That's all I wanted to do. I wanted to help people. To be strong, and be good, and die surrounded by people who loved me. I started out wanting to die without regrets, to never regret how I lived, but I... I can't do that any more.
[ A hand curls into his hair and Yuji sobs, slumping against Bakugo, trusting his friend to catch him. He knows Bakugo will, too, a belief that's ingrained in him, a trust so real that it feels as though he can hold it in his shaky hands and press it against his chest, to hold onto it with a grip so solid it would leave marks.
His hands grip at the back of his friend's shirt, his eyes, damp, stain his neck, the collar of his shirt, but Yuji can't help but hold on. He's been keeping himself together for weeks, but even he isn't strong enough to ignore all of his pain forever. ]
Please believe in me. Don't give up on me, Katsuki. I'll be good enough, I'll be strong enough... I want to come back to you and tell you that I did it. So wait for me, okay? I'll show you that your faith wasn't misplaced. That I'll... I'll do the best that I can.
There are people that believe in him, of course. He can list them, think of their smiles and their faces, the way they'd left him with their hopes and dreams in his hands, from 'you've got it from here' to the final connection between two people, his and Higuruma-san's gazes finally meeting for the first time right before Sukuna came for him. Yuji knows how it feels to be believed in, just as he knows how it feels to let those people down.
Bakugo's arms around him feel like floating in the ocean, like suddenly that weight is lifted. There's always been a comfort in a hand in his hair (Megumi does it, and Raidou does too, and sometime Nanamin or Gojo-sensei would ruffle his hair) and it soothes him, even as he breaks a little more, the tears flooding his face even as he tries to blink them away. Gojo-sensei is right to call him a crybaby: it seems like that's all he does, even now, in the middle of the corridor, emotions too intense to disappear.
There are things only he can do, and right now that is his focus. To get stronger, to fight, to have his body learn techniques here that he can try and take back with him, to grow stronger and braver and better, so that no one else has to die. The world has taken enough from them, and Yuji wants to stand between Sukuna and what little love he has left and make sure that the only cost is his own. No one else will ever have to feel the grief and pain that he's felt for so, so many more months.
Slowly, as if afraid of falling to pieces in Bakugo's arms, he turns and presses his face into his friend's neck, and he lets himself cry. Just a little. Bakugo can hold him, can carry this burden, just for a few minutes. His dandelion is strong enough for that, and Yuji would never suggest otherwise. ]
That's all I wanted to do. I wanted to help people. To be strong, and be good, and die surrounded by people who loved me. I started out wanting to die without regrets, to never regret how I lived, but I... I can't do that any more.
[ A hand curls into his hair and Yuji sobs, slumping against Bakugo, trusting his friend to catch him. He knows Bakugo will, too, a belief that's ingrained in him, a trust so real that it feels as though he can hold it in his shaky hands and press it against his chest, to hold onto it with a grip so solid it would leave marks.
His hands grip at the back of his friend's shirt, his eyes, damp, stain his neck, the collar of his shirt, but Yuji can't help but hold on. He's been keeping himself together for weeks, but even he isn't strong enough to ignore all of his pain forever. ]
Please believe in me. Don't give up on me, Katsuki. I'll be good enough, I'll be strong enough... I want to come back to you and tell you that I did it. So wait for me, okay? I'll show you that your faith wasn't misplaced. That I'll... I'll do the best that I can.
[ Revelation 010 looks like an amateur filmmaker's first shot at a slasher scene on first sight; blood paints the walls in uneven stripes, spatters, and splatters, each splash as eclectic as the last. As Bakugo steps in, a ribbon of blood shivers past overhead. And another. The air is thick with them, globs and ribbons, blobs and sheets of deoxygenated blood swirling in a loose, clock-wise circle around the man sat in the middle of the room, fish around a reef.
Choso, perched all criss-cross applesauce on the room's provided pillow like a cushion, sits slumped over his lap like an eerie ritual idol, his hands pushing and running through his hair such that whatever semblance of order there had been to his weird little odangos is gone, one come mostly undone and the other making its way down his head with each restless run of red fingers over his scalp. He is stained, Choso is, he is red from the cheeks down, like the teeming mark bisecting his face has been bleeding this entire time without end, and what doesn't separate from the flow to join the circling school drips down to vanish into his soaked shirt or onto the floor. (mostly unmarked, save for a half-circle of red smears in front.)
He doesn't seem to have noticed the visitor yet. All the blood in the room shudders when Choso rocks forward, hands clamped to his head like he was weathering only the worst migraine of his life. ]
Choso, perched all criss-cross applesauce on the room's provided pillow like a cushion, sits slumped over his lap like an eerie ritual idol, his hands pushing and running through his hair such that whatever semblance of order there had been to his weird little odangos is gone, one come mostly undone and the other making its way down his head with each restless run of red fingers over his scalp. He is stained, Choso is, he is red from the cheeks down, like the teeming mark bisecting his face has been bleeding this entire time without end, and what doesn't separate from the flow to join the circling school drips down to vanish into his soaked shirt or onto the floor. (mostly unmarked, save for a half-circle of red smears in front.)
He doesn't seem to have noticed the visitor yet. All the blood in the room shudders when Choso rocks forward, hands clamped to his head like he was weathering only the worst migraine of his life. ]
Edited 2024-04-28 21:17 (UTC)
[He didn't expect him to fall... but he doesn't buckle either. Katsuki holds him, letting Yuji decide whether he'll struggle to keep it in or let it all go. He's been in this place before, breaking down and crying in front of Izuku, yelling about how it was Katsuki's fault All Might had to retire, about how his beliefs couldn't be wrong, could they?
He remembers Izuku likewise, falling into his arms and crying after everyone in 1-A came for him to save him from himself. Everything they said finally leading to the hero breaking down in his childhood friend's arms after Katsuki reaffirmed Izuku's path and choices, admitted his own complicate complexes towards the other boy, then apologized to him for everything he'd done to Izuku.
People are strong, heroes are strong, but they're still people. They break when they fall, they hurt when they're injured, and trying to weather something alone for too long only wears them down. Suffering certainly can help you grow when you overcome it, but it doesn't make you stronger by itself. You shouldn't wish it on anyone either... Not as an excuse to get stronger at least.
His chest clenches as Yuji holds onto him. It means so much to him the other boy listened to him, trusted Katsuki to hear him out. They clash on many things, but agree on many others. Someday, he'll be the one holding onto Yuji... He remembers when All Might hugged him after that fight with Izuku. A hand in his hair felt like such a comfort, hiding his shame and sadness for a little while so he could record. It really did feel like letting someone else handle that burden for a while so his soul and mind could vent all the emotions piled up inside. Katsuki gently caresses through Yuji's hair, fingertips grazing his scalp, wanting to continue offering that respite.
Izuku and Yuji are both crybabies...
When their classmate left and their school went into lockdown as the second war approached, Katsuki threw himself into training. To get stronger, to fight, to improve so he could save as many people as possible once the war broke open. Like Yuji, there are things only he can do. He doesn't want anyone else to die on his watch either. Hero or villain. There's enough loss and pain in the world already; nothing can improve and get better if everyone's dead. Katsuki is willing to die to protect... but he's doggedly determined that no one will have to pay that cost. Including himself.
Listening to and feeling Yuji break down in his arms, Katsuki rests his head against the other boy's own, cheek to his hair and arms giving the occasional squeeze. Tears wet his neck and collar, but it's fine. He holds that burden for a little while. It's so very heavy... and his ginger is so very strong. It's not fair that this world would bring them together and not let them help each other once they finished helping this one. He wants so badly to go back with Yuji and protect him, help him, and it hurts to know that he can't. Somehow... he hopes his words will stay, that Yuji's support will also engrave itself on Katsuki's body, so he can take some of his friend back home with him.]
It's nice to say, but it's impossible. We all have regrets. [Mirko said something similar about living with no regrets, ever day like it was her last... but even she had regrets, failing to kill Shigaraki before the monster awoke and unleashed hell on Japan. She was the only one close enough to do that... and she failed.] But we can make sure our happiness and successes outweigh our regrets. You can still live that way.
[Helpful. Strong. Good. Loved. Regrets don't have to clog up life and drag someone down. Katsuki braces a bit when Yuji drops his weight on him and supports his friend without fail. Holding him close in a safe catch. He wishes he could take all of Yuji's negatives and make them vanish. Such a stupid wish, but it's true. Just like Yuji would probably wish as well. So he holds him, feels the strength in the sorcerer's heart beating strong. This is a friendship he'll protect and cherish. A support he won't ever take for granted. Even as his shirt drags in Yuji's fingers, his collar dampens from hot tears, Katsuki holds on. This precious, fractured person he refuses to let go of.]
Aa. I won't ever give up on you. I know you'll win. And when we meet again, I'll hear all about it. [He'll believe in him, he'll wait for him, he'll keep his faith, knowing Yuji's best will come out. Yuji's promise to return, to prove his life, hits home a lot harder than he might think. Katsuki rests his mouth against the other boy's head, breathing quietly as a number of feelings run through.] I'm with you. Always.
He remembers Izuku likewise, falling into his arms and crying after everyone in 1-A came for him to save him from himself. Everything they said finally leading to the hero breaking down in his childhood friend's arms after Katsuki reaffirmed Izuku's path and choices, admitted his own complicate complexes towards the other boy, then apologized to him for everything he'd done to Izuku.
People are strong, heroes are strong, but they're still people. They break when they fall, they hurt when they're injured, and trying to weather something alone for too long only wears them down. Suffering certainly can help you grow when you overcome it, but it doesn't make you stronger by itself. You shouldn't wish it on anyone either... Not as an excuse to get stronger at least.
His chest clenches as Yuji holds onto him. It means so much to him the other boy listened to him, trusted Katsuki to hear him out. They clash on many things, but agree on many others. Someday, he'll be the one holding onto Yuji... He remembers when All Might hugged him after that fight with Izuku. A hand in his hair felt like such a comfort, hiding his shame and sadness for a little while so he could record. It really did feel like letting someone else handle that burden for a while so his soul and mind could vent all the emotions piled up inside. Katsuki gently caresses through Yuji's hair, fingertips grazing his scalp, wanting to continue offering that respite.
Izuku and Yuji are both crybabies...
When their classmate left and their school went into lockdown as the second war approached, Katsuki threw himself into training. To get stronger, to fight, to improve so he could save as many people as possible once the war broke open. Like Yuji, there are things only he can do. He doesn't want anyone else to die on his watch either. Hero or villain. There's enough loss and pain in the world already; nothing can improve and get better if everyone's dead. Katsuki is willing to die to protect... but he's doggedly determined that no one will have to pay that cost. Including himself.
Listening to and feeling Yuji break down in his arms, Katsuki rests his head against the other boy's own, cheek to his hair and arms giving the occasional squeeze. Tears wet his neck and collar, but it's fine. He holds that burden for a little while. It's so very heavy... and his ginger is so very strong. It's not fair that this world would bring them together and not let them help each other once they finished helping this one. He wants so badly to go back with Yuji and protect him, help him, and it hurts to know that he can't. Somehow... he hopes his words will stay, that Yuji's support will also engrave itself on Katsuki's body, so he can take some of his friend back home with him.]
It's nice to say, but it's impossible. We all have regrets. [Mirko said something similar about living with no regrets, ever day like it was her last... but even she had regrets, failing to kill Shigaraki before the monster awoke and unleashed hell on Japan. She was the only one close enough to do that... and she failed.] But we can make sure our happiness and successes outweigh our regrets. You can still live that way.
[Helpful. Strong. Good. Loved. Regrets don't have to clog up life and drag someone down. Katsuki braces a bit when Yuji drops his weight on him and supports his friend without fail. Holding him close in a safe catch. He wishes he could take all of Yuji's negatives and make them vanish. Such a stupid wish, but it's true. Just like Yuji would probably wish as well. So he holds him, feels the strength in the sorcerer's heart beating strong. This is a friendship he'll protect and cherish. A support he won't ever take for granted. Even as his shirt drags in Yuji's fingers, his collar dampens from hot tears, Katsuki holds on. This precious, fractured person he refuses to let go of.]
Aa. I won't ever give up on you. I know you'll win. And when we meet again, I'll hear all about it. [He'll believe in him, he'll wait for him, he'll keep his faith, knowing Yuji's best will come out. Yuji's promise to return, to prove his life, hits home a lot harder than he might think. Katsuki rests his mouth against the other boy's head, breathing quietly as a number of feelings run through.] I'm with you. Always.
[What the fuck did he walk into? He immediately ducks backwards when a shimmer of blood runs past his face, eyes widening and body tensing up instinctively. Red eyes run from one place to the next, taking in the globs and ribbons of blood that haven't managed to paint themselves on the wall. And in the center of it all... Choso.
He's seen the man in a bad state before, but nothing like this. On the one hand, Bakugo doesn't know if this blood is from him, like some kind of ritual or training practice (he does have a blood manipulation technique); on the other, who the hell knows in this place what something like this could mean? Was he attacked, is this linked to someone else?
Bakugo cusses under his breath. Part of him thinks he should try to snipe the guy out of his trance with an AP Shot, but he without a way to know whether that's going to damage him further or not... It's when Choso rocks forward that Bakugo has to move. He ducks into the room, quickly using his explosions to knock blots of blood to the side, careful to avoid touching them. Choso (eventually) told him of his blood's toxicity towards others and Bakugo isn't planning on getting poisoned.
Relying on his acrobatics and speed to wind through the room, he clears a path from door to half-curse before dropping down to one knee in front of Choso.]
Oy! What's wrong? Can you talk? [He reaches out to rest his hand on a non-smeared part of Choso's body, eyes focused on him, though free hand ready to blast away another blood blob if it comes towards him.]
He's seen the man in a bad state before, but nothing like this. On the one hand, Bakugo doesn't know if this blood is from him, like some kind of ritual or training practice (he does have a blood manipulation technique); on the other, who the hell knows in this place what something like this could mean? Was he attacked, is this linked to someone else?
Bakugo cusses under his breath. Part of him thinks he should try to snipe the guy out of his trance with an AP Shot, but he without a way to know whether that's going to damage him further or not... It's when Choso rocks forward that Bakugo has to move. He ducks into the room, quickly using his explosions to knock blots of blood to the side, careful to avoid touching them. Choso (eventually) told him of his blood's toxicity towards others and Bakugo isn't planning on getting poisoned.
Relying on his acrobatics and speed to wind through the room, he clears a path from door to half-curse before dropping down to one knee in front of Choso.]
Oy! What's wrong? Can you talk? [He reaches out to rest his hand on a non-smeared part of Choso's body, eyes focused on him, though free hand ready to blast away another blood blob if it comes towards him.]
[ Bakugo holds on to him, and Yuji feels as if he can survive this.
How many people has he told about what has happened to Megumi? Gojo-sensei. Choso. He implied it with some others. Taking about his failures still makes him feel sick, discussing the things that he had done in the past still hurts him, but he can't avoid it or deny it any more than he can run from it. Bakugo might say his hands are clean of blood, but Yuji knows otherwise, because there are humans lives that he alone had taken. Add that to the suffering that Sukuna had caused and he's well aware that he can never forgive himself, not even for a moment.
When he had fought Higuruma-san, the other man had told him that he was innocent in the eyes of the law. He wasn't in control, therefore Sukuna was to blame - it came up again when they had been discussing the best option to deal with him using Judgeman. The problem is even with that reality in front of him, ready to be accepted, Yuji simply isn't capable of shrugging away his own belief in his guilt, determined to accept it. The world they live in is one where the good are punished, and the evil thrive, so he was happy to take that punishment and allow himself to accept it, carry it. In some ways, it made him stronger, gave him something to overcome.
In other ways, it broke him more. What do you fight for when you no longer want to fight to stay alive? Without Megumi needing him, Yuji would have very little left now. He'd said 'start by saving me', and Yuji clings to that like a curse, guiding him forward. He isn't going to give up, he isn't going to stop until his best friend is safe and free from the horrors of being a vessel. After all, Yuji knows how that feels.
Regrets are the kind of thing that kill a sorcerer: cursing people with their last words, regrets cloying their throats, dragging them down to the pits of despair and leaving them to rot, but Yuji doesn't know how to deal without them now. He doesn't know what to do other than try and keep fighting, to try and keep pushing, and if he doesn't do that then he feels as if he really will fall apart. This moment, this tenderness with Bakugo, is scraping the surface of the grief and hurt he feels, squashed down inside of him so it doesn't kill him.
Yuji had said it, after all: he wants to be the person people turn to in order to feel safe, and taken care of, that when they see him they feel hope. He doesn't want to be the kind of person that only hurts them.
Letting his grief tip over has him shivering in Bakugo's arms, leaning into him, trying to listen to his words. He wants to live in the way that his friend says he can, wants to allow himself the possibility of a brighter, better future, but he also knows the reality of his world. For all that Bakugo wants Yuji to overcome, for all that he can try and come back here, he also knows one thing: his role in this battle might be to die to save Megumi's life, and that's something he would do without hesitation. Megumi is everything to him, and in the world of Jujutsu Sorcery they are prepared to take that everything from you.
Bakugo remains strong, sturdy, just as Yuji had predicted, and he sinks into him just that little bit more. It's rare that Yuji feels as though he can let himself feel his sadness, let alone share it with others, and while he might not think his crying is much of a gift at all... It's a sign of how much faith he has in Bakugo, how much he treasures their friendship, how much he believes in their shared companionship. Bakugo has come to mean a lot to him in the last few months, and Yuji trusts him with his life.
For someone who's willing to give it all up, that's the best trust he can offer.
Yuji keeps sniffling, keeps gripping at Bakugo, as if afraid that he might just collapse to the floor if he lets go, afraid that he might lose himself to whatever yawning pit is underneath him. Silly, stupid Yuji, feeling too much and not being able to handle it at all. He really is just a teenager, in the end. ]
I'll live how I can. To be the best I can. I... [ He'll die in the best way he can too, if that's how it ends. Yuji thinks of looking into Higuruma's eyes, thinks of Nanami's last words, thinks of Gojo-sensei's smile, and he thinks maybe it would be okay to die to save someone else. It would make his life have the kind of meaning he's always dreamed of.
Sniffling, tears still rolling down his face, he doesn't let go. He squeezes, gently, and swallows the lump in his throat. ]
I want us both to win. I want us to come back here, later, if LILITH lets us, and celebrate. We could have the biggest party and invite everyone... I want to have fun with you too, Katsuki, not just cry.
How many people has he told about what has happened to Megumi? Gojo-sensei. Choso. He implied it with some others. Taking about his failures still makes him feel sick, discussing the things that he had done in the past still hurts him, but he can't avoid it or deny it any more than he can run from it. Bakugo might say his hands are clean of blood, but Yuji knows otherwise, because there are humans lives that he alone had taken. Add that to the suffering that Sukuna had caused and he's well aware that he can never forgive himself, not even for a moment.
When he had fought Higuruma-san, the other man had told him that he was innocent in the eyes of the law. He wasn't in control, therefore Sukuna was to blame - it came up again when they had been discussing the best option to deal with him using Judgeman. The problem is even with that reality in front of him, ready to be accepted, Yuji simply isn't capable of shrugging away his own belief in his guilt, determined to accept it. The world they live in is one where the good are punished, and the evil thrive, so he was happy to take that punishment and allow himself to accept it, carry it. In some ways, it made him stronger, gave him something to overcome.
In other ways, it broke him more. What do you fight for when you no longer want to fight to stay alive? Without Megumi needing him, Yuji would have very little left now. He'd said 'start by saving me', and Yuji clings to that like a curse, guiding him forward. He isn't going to give up, he isn't going to stop until his best friend is safe and free from the horrors of being a vessel. After all, Yuji knows how that feels.
Regrets are the kind of thing that kill a sorcerer: cursing people with their last words, regrets cloying their throats, dragging them down to the pits of despair and leaving them to rot, but Yuji doesn't know how to deal without them now. He doesn't know what to do other than try and keep fighting, to try and keep pushing, and if he doesn't do that then he feels as if he really will fall apart. This moment, this tenderness with Bakugo, is scraping the surface of the grief and hurt he feels, squashed down inside of him so it doesn't kill him.
Yuji had said it, after all: he wants to be the person people turn to in order to feel safe, and taken care of, that when they see him they feel hope. He doesn't want to be the kind of person that only hurts them.
Letting his grief tip over has him shivering in Bakugo's arms, leaning into him, trying to listen to his words. He wants to live in the way that his friend says he can, wants to allow himself the possibility of a brighter, better future, but he also knows the reality of his world. For all that Bakugo wants Yuji to overcome, for all that he can try and come back here, he also knows one thing: his role in this battle might be to die to save Megumi's life, and that's something he would do without hesitation. Megumi is everything to him, and in the world of Jujutsu Sorcery they are prepared to take that everything from you.
Bakugo remains strong, sturdy, just as Yuji had predicted, and he sinks into him just that little bit more. It's rare that Yuji feels as though he can let himself feel his sadness, let alone share it with others, and while he might not think his crying is much of a gift at all... It's a sign of how much faith he has in Bakugo, how much he treasures their friendship, how much he believes in their shared companionship. Bakugo has come to mean a lot to him in the last few months, and Yuji trusts him with his life.
For someone who's willing to give it all up, that's the best trust he can offer.
Yuji keeps sniffling, keeps gripping at Bakugo, as if afraid that he might just collapse to the floor if he lets go, afraid that he might lose himself to whatever yawning pit is underneath him. Silly, stupid Yuji, feeling too much and not being able to handle it at all. He really is just a teenager, in the end. ]
I'll live how I can. To be the best I can. I... [ He'll die in the best way he can too, if that's how it ends. Yuji thinks of looking into Higuruma's eyes, thinks of Nanami's last words, thinks of Gojo-sensei's smile, and he thinks maybe it would be okay to die to save someone else. It would make his life have the kind of meaning he's always dreamed of.
Sniffling, tears still rolling down his face, he doesn't let go. He squeezes, gently, and swallows the lump in his throat. ]
I want us both to win. I want us to come back here, later, if LILITH lets us, and celebrate. We could have the biggest party and invite everyone... I want to have fun with you too, Katsuki, not just cry.
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