[That's the very sensation he wants to convey. A hero gives hope and strength. A hero's presence should give every person around them the feeling of "I can get through this" - the symbol of peace and hope.
Katsuki understands the weight of this information passed onto him. A secret, a sorrowful update of Yuji's world and life. It's not his information to pass around and not a shred of it will fall from his lips to anyone other than Yuji himself if they talk about it. But it contextualizes so much of his friend's suffering and the onus behind his guilt and drive going forward. Katsuki doesn't like to discuss his failures either, but after this... he'll probably open up more to Yuji about his own life. Another time. Right now, this is helping Yuji.
Like lancing a wound, it hurts, it looks disgusting, it feels worse, but it drains the bad out to give more room to heal. He would never suggest Yuji avoid his failures or run from them, but rather confront them and conquer them. The problem with Yuji's bloody hands is the circumstances of that blood. Katsuki doesn't think for a second that the sorcerer willingly stepped up with murder and sadism in his heart and eyes to slaughter a human without remorse. Even when Hawks killed Twice, it came at the the end, all doubt and options exhausted, with the final decision being "one man" versus "thousands of innocent lives" - and even that has weighed on the winged hero's heart since then.
Katsuki won't believe Yuji's guilt, even if the sorcerer himself says he's guilty. It's not up to the blonde whether Yuji forgives himself, however, but he'll damn well encourage him to. While hypocritically being unable to forgive himself for his horrible treatment of Izuku all those years and his own hand in ending All Might's era. Factually, Yuji is innocent of the death... but no one can convince his internal judge when his internal jury has already passed "Guilty" as verdict. Izuku's the same way, talking blame, guilt, and responsibility for things that are outside his control. Both of these heroes are insane like that, something Katsuki has to grit his teeth and accept. Can't argue with crazy.
But he will argue Yuji's treatment of himself if he can. Even if it comes in the form of holding him tight while the sorcerer beats himself up inside. Their worlds are extremely different, as Nanami revealed when he and Katsuki clashed over the sorcerer society structure versus the hero society build. Difference in size, teaching, expectations, good, bad, presence, goals. Yuji's treatment at the hands of the society he was just trying to help pissed Katsuki off to no end.
And yet, he'll continue to challenge Yuji not to fight out of the sorrow of his past regrets, but out of the hope for a world and himself that is strong enough and healthy enough not to let those regrets happen again. Perhaps it's the difference between sorcerers who fight in the darkness while heroes have always fought in the light. Regardless, Katsuki won't stop encouraging Yuji to not fall into his own grief and pain. It's there... but it doesn't have to be his fuel.
From people he's talked to, Yuji brings that sensation of safety and light when he's around them. Those who know him better have to accept he needs some... looking out for as well. Katsuki's aware of his heroic friends' mindsets thinking hurting someone can range anywhere from stabbing them in the gut to mildly inconveniencing them.
Yuji's a handful, but a handful Katsuki will keep close to his chest as long as he can, protect, encouraged, cherished, and fussed over. Another shiver and he gathers him in close again, squeezing the opposite shoulder and resting his cheek atop his head. It hurts, but... he's only human. Katsuki knew the pain of death in exchange for life. He'd felt it when he blitzed in front of Izuku and took the fatal blow without even thinking. Felt it again right before Shigaraki punched him in the chest and blew Katsuki's heart to pieces. Each time, he did it to protect. A hero's willing to sacrifice.
... but he doesn't want Yuji to die. It's selfish, simple, and sincere. If even the faintest vestige of himself can survive long enough in his friend's soul to make him change from a fatal rush to a death-defying miracle, that'll be enough for him. There has to be a way to save. He can't give up believing in that. In Yuji.
It's not the tears that are a gift, but the trust enough to let them flow. Katsuki can't squeeze them all out, but he can soak them up and help wipe them away as they go. He feels a silent sense of relief himself that Yuji can address his pain and sadness. The fake smiles, the promises of "I'm fine", pushing himself to swallow it day after day... Punching through that and reaching out for the sad boy inside, even if just for a short while, is a gift. Holding Yuji's hand and feeling his fingers curl around his own for support is a gift.
Katsuki treasures this boy too. And while he trusts Yuji with his life as well and cares about him enough to die for him... how much more meaningful is it to live for him? It's like Izuku's mother said to All Might about Izuku. "Don't give up your life for him. Live properly so you can continue to help him." Being willing to give it all up isn't bad. But Katsuki doesn't want that to be so eagerly offered... by anyone.
He gazes at the wall behind them over top Yuji's head, letting him grip onto him as he stands firm. He won't let go. He won't let him fall. No pit will have Yuji as long as he lives. Katsuki's a silly, stupid teenager as well, who struggles with weakness, who has regrets, who cries in private, even if extremely rare. But he's come to learn he can't handle it all on his own. He's just a boy. Growing into a hero.]
Thank you. [It may be strange to thank someone for promising to live, but between them, it should mean a lot. Fight to live, Yuji. Be ready to die, but fight as hard as fuck to live. If Yuji can promise him that, Katsuki won't ask him for anything else. He never got to be there when Midnight-sensei died. He wasn't there when Sir Nighteye passed away. But he was there when All Might's era came to an end... Dying to save someone is honorable. But he would rather save them alive and smile at them later during recovery. It's one of the issues he has with Yuji and Izuku. Don't glorify your death. Don't die for someone. Live for them. Save them, and yourself, and live. If at all possible.
But he won't say those things to Yuji right now. Another time and place. Katsuki lowers his eyes and closes them as he nuzzles against Yuji's head. Quiet, comforting, gently rubbing his hair again.]
Aa. We'll win. And we'll come back here. [One way or another.] Tch, baka. I've had a lot of fun with you already, Yuji. Besides, [He feels a small smile curve the corner of his mouth, probably Yuji feels it too on his head.] You'll cry anyways when we meet again, cause you're happy.
fight me! if he gets to say "his dandelion" then "his ginger" happens! damn onion ninja.
Katsuki understands the weight of this information passed onto him. A secret, a sorrowful update of Yuji's world and life. It's not his information to pass around and not a shred of it will fall from his lips to anyone other than Yuji himself if they talk about it. But it contextualizes so much of his friend's suffering and the onus behind his guilt and drive going forward. Katsuki doesn't like to discuss his failures either, but after this... he'll probably open up more to Yuji about his own life. Another time. Right now, this is helping Yuji.
Like lancing a wound, it hurts, it looks disgusting, it feels worse, but it drains the bad out to give more room to heal. He would never suggest Yuji avoid his failures or run from them, but rather confront them and conquer them. The problem with Yuji's bloody hands is the circumstances of that blood. Katsuki doesn't think for a second that the sorcerer willingly stepped up with murder and sadism in his heart and eyes to slaughter a human without remorse. Even when Hawks killed Twice, it came at the the end, all doubt and options exhausted, with the final decision being "one man" versus "thousands of innocent lives" - and even that has weighed on the winged hero's heart since then.
Katsuki won't believe Yuji's guilt, even if the sorcerer himself says he's guilty. It's not up to the blonde whether Yuji forgives himself, however, but he'll damn well encourage him to. While hypocritically being unable to forgive himself for his horrible treatment of Izuku all those years and his own hand in ending All Might's era. Factually, Yuji is innocent of the death... but no one can convince his internal judge when his internal jury has already passed "Guilty" as verdict. Izuku's the same way, talking blame, guilt, and responsibility for things that are outside his control. Both of these heroes are insane like that, something Katsuki has to grit his teeth and accept. Can't argue with crazy.
But he will argue Yuji's treatment of himself if he can. Even if it comes in the form of holding him tight while the sorcerer beats himself up inside. Their worlds are extremely different, as Nanami revealed when he and Katsuki clashed over the sorcerer society structure versus the hero society build. Difference in size, teaching, expectations, good, bad, presence, goals. Yuji's treatment at the hands of the society he was just trying to help pissed Katsuki off to no end.
And yet, he'll continue to challenge Yuji not to fight out of the sorrow of his past regrets, but out of the hope for a world and himself that is strong enough and healthy enough not to let those regrets happen again. Perhaps it's the difference between sorcerers who fight in the darkness while heroes have always fought in the light. Regardless, Katsuki won't stop encouraging Yuji to not fall into his own grief and pain. It's there... but it doesn't have to be his fuel.
From people he's talked to, Yuji brings that sensation of safety and light when he's around them. Those who know him better have to accept he needs some... looking out for as well. Katsuki's aware of his heroic friends' mindsets thinking hurting someone can range anywhere from stabbing them in the gut to mildly inconveniencing them.
Yuji's a handful, but a handful Katsuki will keep close to his chest as long as he can, protect, encouraged, cherished, and fussed over. Another shiver and he gathers him in close again, squeezing the opposite shoulder and resting his cheek atop his head. It hurts, but... he's only human. Katsuki knew the pain of death in exchange for life. He'd felt it when he blitzed in front of Izuku and took the fatal blow without even thinking. Felt it again right before Shigaraki punched him in the chest and blew Katsuki's heart to pieces. Each time, he did it to protect. A hero's willing to sacrifice.
... but he doesn't want Yuji to die. It's selfish, simple, and sincere. If even the faintest vestige of himself can survive long enough in his friend's soul to make him change from a fatal rush to a death-defying miracle, that'll be enough for him. There has to be a way to save. He can't give up believing in that. In Yuji.
It's not the tears that are a gift, but the trust enough to let them flow. Katsuki can't squeeze them all out, but he can soak them up and help wipe them away as they go. He feels a silent sense of relief himself that Yuji can address his pain and sadness. The fake smiles, the promises of "I'm fine", pushing himself to swallow it day after day... Punching through that and reaching out for the sad boy inside, even if just for a short while, is a gift. Holding Yuji's hand and feeling his fingers curl around his own for support is a gift.
Katsuki treasures this boy too. And while he trusts Yuji with his life as well and cares about him enough to die for him... how much more meaningful is it to live for him? It's like Izuku's mother said to All Might about Izuku. "Don't give up your life for him. Live properly so you can continue to help him." Being willing to give it all up isn't bad. But Katsuki doesn't want that to be so eagerly offered... by anyone.
He gazes at the wall behind them over top Yuji's head, letting him grip onto him as he stands firm. He won't let go. He won't let him fall. No pit will have Yuji as long as he lives. Katsuki's a silly, stupid teenager as well, who struggles with weakness, who has regrets, who cries in private, even if extremely rare. But he's come to learn he can't handle it all on his own. He's just a boy. Growing into a hero.]
Thank you. [It may be strange to thank someone for promising to live, but between them, it should mean a lot. Fight to live, Yuji. Be ready to die, but fight as hard as fuck to live. If Yuji can promise him that, Katsuki won't ask him for anything else. He never got to be there when Midnight-sensei died. He wasn't there when Sir Nighteye passed away. But he was there when All Might's era came to an end... Dying to save someone is honorable. But he would rather save them alive and smile at them later during recovery. It's one of the issues he has with Yuji and Izuku. Don't glorify your death. Don't die for someone. Live for them. Save them, and yourself, and live. If at all possible.
But he won't say those things to Yuji right now. Another time and place. Katsuki lowers his eyes and closes them as he nuzzles against Yuji's head. Quiet, comforting, gently rubbing his hair again.]
Aa. We'll win. And we'll come back here. [One way or another.] Tch, baka. I've had a lot of fun with you already, Yuji. Besides, [He feels a small smile curve the corner of his mouth, probably Yuji feels it too on his head.] You'll cry anyways when we meet again, cause you're happy.