[ Bakugo holds on to him, and Yuji feels as if he can survive this.
How many people has he told about what has happened to Megumi? Gojo-sensei. Choso. He implied it with some others. Taking about his failures still makes him feel sick, discussing the things that he had done in the past still hurts him, but he can't avoid it or deny it any more than he can run from it. Bakugo might say his hands are clean of blood, but Yuji knows otherwise, because there are humans lives that he alone had taken. Add that to the suffering that Sukuna had caused and he's well aware that he can never forgive himself, not even for a moment.
When he had fought Higuruma-san, the other man had told him that he was innocent in the eyes of the law. He wasn't in control, therefore Sukuna was to blame - it came up again when they had been discussing the best option to deal with him using Judgeman. The problem is even with that reality in front of him, ready to be accepted, Yuji simply isn't capable of shrugging away his own belief in his guilt, determined to accept it. The world they live in is one where the good are punished, and the evil thrive, so he was happy to take that punishment and allow himself to accept it, carry it. In some ways, it made him stronger, gave him something to overcome.
In other ways, it broke him more. What do you fight for when you no longer want to fight to stay alive? Without Megumi needing him, Yuji would have very little left now. He'd said 'start by saving me', and Yuji clings to that like a curse, guiding him forward. He isn't going to give up, he isn't going to stop until his best friend is safe and free from the horrors of being a vessel. After all, Yuji knows how that feels.
Regrets are the kind of thing that kill a sorcerer: cursing people with their last words, regrets cloying their throats, dragging them down to the pits of despair and leaving them to rot, but Yuji doesn't know how to deal without them now. He doesn't know what to do other than try and keep fighting, to try and keep pushing, and if he doesn't do that then he feels as if he really will fall apart. This moment, this tenderness with Bakugo, is scraping the surface of the grief and hurt he feels, squashed down inside of him so it doesn't kill him.
Yuji had said it, after all: he wants to be the person people turn to in order to feel safe, and taken care of, that when they see him they feel hope. He doesn't want to be the kind of person that only hurts them.
Letting his grief tip over has him shivering in Bakugo's arms, leaning into him, trying to listen to his words. He wants to live in the way that his friend says he can, wants to allow himself the possibility of a brighter, better future, but he also knows the reality of his world. For all that Bakugo wants Yuji to overcome, for all that he can try and come back here, he also knows one thing: his role in this battle might be to die to save Megumi's life, and that's something he would do without hesitation. Megumi is everything to him, and in the world of Jujutsu Sorcery they are prepared to take that everything from you.
Bakugo remains strong, sturdy, just as Yuji had predicted, and he sinks into him just that little bit more. It's rare that Yuji feels as though he can let himself feel his sadness, let alone share it with others, and while he might not think his crying is much of a gift at all... It's a sign of how much faith he has in Bakugo, how much he treasures their friendship, how much he believes in their shared companionship. Bakugo has come to mean a lot to him in the last few months, and Yuji trusts him with his life.
For someone who's willing to give it all up, that's the best trust he can offer.
Yuji keeps sniffling, keeps gripping at Bakugo, as if afraid that he might just collapse to the floor if he lets go, afraid that he might lose himself to whatever yawning pit is underneath him. Silly, stupid Yuji, feeling too much and not being able to handle it at all. He really is just a teenager, in the end. ]
I'll live how I can. To be the best I can. I... [ He'll die in the best way he can too, if that's how it ends. Yuji thinks of looking into Higuruma's eyes, thinks of Nanami's last words, thinks of Gojo-sensei's smile, and he thinks maybe it would be okay to die to save someone else. It would make his life have the kind of meaning he's always dreamed of.
Sniffling, tears still rolling down his face, he doesn't let go. He squeezes, gently, and swallows the lump in his throat. ]
I want us both to win. I want us to come back here, later, if LILITH lets us, and celebrate. We could have the biggest party and invite everyone... I want to have fun with you too, Katsuki, not just cry.
i'm going to fight you "his ginger" MY HEART!! this thread!!
How many people has he told about what has happened to Megumi? Gojo-sensei. Choso. He implied it with some others. Taking about his failures still makes him feel sick, discussing the things that he had done in the past still hurts him, but he can't avoid it or deny it any more than he can run from it. Bakugo might say his hands are clean of blood, but Yuji knows otherwise, because there are humans lives that he alone had taken. Add that to the suffering that Sukuna had caused and he's well aware that he can never forgive himself, not even for a moment.
When he had fought Higuruma-san, the other man had told him that he was innocent in the eyes of the law. He wasn't in control, therefore Sukuna was to blame - it came up again when they had been discussing the best option to deal with him using Judgeman. The problem is even with that reality in front of him, ready to be accepted, Yuji simply isn't capable of shrugging away his own belief in his guilt, determined to accept it. The world they live in is one where the good are punished, and the evil thrive, so he was happy to take that punishment and allow himself to accept it, carry it. In some ways, it made him stronger, gave him something to overcome.
In other ways, it broke him more. What do you fight for when you no longer want to fight to stay alive? Without Megumi needing him, Yuji would have very little left now. He'd said 'start by saving me', and Yuji clings to that like a curse, guiding him forward. He isn't going to give up, he isn't going to stop until his best friend is safe and free from the horrors of being a vessel. After all, Yuji knows how that feels.
Regrets are the kind of thing that kill a sorcerer: cursing people with their last words, regrets cloying their throats, dragging them down to the pits of despair and leaving them to rot, but Yuji doesn't know how to deal without them now. He doesn't know what to do other than try and keep fighting, to try and keep pushing, and if he doesn't do that then he feels as if he really will fall apart. This moment, this tenderness with Bakugo, is scraping the surface of the grief and hurt he feels, squashed down inside of him so it doesn't kill him.
Yuji had said it, after all: he wants to be the person people turn to in order to feel safe, and taken care of, that when they see him they feel hope. He doesn't want to be the kind of person that only hurts them.
Letting his grief tip over has him shivering in Bakugo's arms, leaning into him, trying to listen to his words. He wants to live in the way that his friend says he can, wants to allow himself the possibility of a brighter, better future, but he also knows the reality of his world. For all that Bakugo wants Yuji to overcome, for all that he can try and come back here, he also knows one thing: his role in this battle might be to die to save Megumi's life, and that's something he would do without hesitation. Megumi is everything to him, and in the world of Jujutsu Sorcery they are prepared to take that everything from you.
Bakugo remains strong, sturdy, just as Yuji had predicted, and he sinks into him just that little bit more. It's rare that Yuji feels as though he can let himself feel his sadness, let alone share it with others, and while he might not think his crying is much of a gift at all... It's a sign of how much faith he has in Bakugo, how much he treasures their friendship, how much he believes in their shared companionship. Bakugo has come to mean a lot to him in the last few months, and Yuji trusts him with his life.
For someone who's willing to give it all up, that's the best trust he can offer.
Yuji keeps sniffling, keeps gripping at Bakugo, as if afraid that he might just collapse to the floor if he lets go, afraid that he might lose himself to whatever yawning pit is underneath him. Silly, stupid Yuji, feeling too much and not being able to handle it at all. He really is just a teenager, in the end. ]
I'll live how I can. To be the best I can. I... [ He'll die in the best way he can too, if that's how it ends. Yuji thinks of looking into Higuruma's eyes, thinks of Nanami's last words, thinks of Gojo-sensei's smile, and he thinks maybe it would be okay to die to save someone else. It would make his life have the kind of meaning he's always dreamed of.
Sniffling, tears still rolling down his face, he doesn't let go. He squeezes, gently, and swallows the lump in his throat. ]
I want us both to win. I want us to come back here, later, if LILITH lets us, and celebrate. We could have the biggest party and invite everyone... I want to have fun with you too, Katsuki, not just cry.